Ryan, point to the contestant that has no shot of winning tonight.

We finally made it to the American Idol Season 11 finale! After watching these kids audition, sing and perform ridiculous group numbers for half a year, it’s only fitting that we watch the finale to see how it all turns out. Actually, if all you want to do is find out how it turns out you can just watch the last minute-and-a-half. But then you’d miss out on a ton of cheese-tastic performances!

It’s come down to Phillip Phillips and Jessica Sanchez, two singers that, while talented, are so boring that they make my eyes glaze over. (The only saving grace is watching Phillip make those weird faces while he sings. He always looks like someone surprised him and grabbed his junk during the performance.)

Anyway, the night starts off with a group number featuring all of the Top 12 (even the Mexican guy who got eliminated first and no one remembers.) They sang “Runaway Baby” by Bruno Mars, a song that Joshua nailed earlier in the competition and now basically owns. They should have just turned off everyone else’s mikes and let Joshua sing and show everyone that he was, in fact, robbed of the ‘Idol’ title.

Before we know it, the performance turns into some sort of creepy dance party. Everyone is running all over the stage, doing the splits and bouncing in sync. I think the ‘Idol’ dance choreographer was taking moves from those special ‘Brady Bunch’ musical episodes. (I know I’m not the only one that loved when the Bradys became The Silver Platters….you did too!)

After that catastrophe, Ryan Seacrest informs us that over 132 million people voted after Tuesday night’s show, setting a new world record. (USA! USA!) Oh, America. We all need to get lives. Seriously. READ MORE »