It’s been a few weeks since we last checked in with the Duggar Clan, so it’s time to see who’s gettin’ hitched, who’s gettin’ impregnated and who’s gettin’ caught by In Touch Weekly for doing slimy things this week!

This season of Counting On has basically revolved around Jinger and Jeremy‘s whirlwind courtship. They have been moving faster than JimBob‘s sperm in terms of their relationship but…hey, a third season isn’t going to secure itself!

The episode starts out with some of the womenfolk- Jinger, Jessa and Michelle— heading off on a trip to meet some of Jeremy’s relatives. They’ve packed their denim skirts and plenty of crunchy-curl spray, and are getting on a plane to head to the Northeast to meet the Vuolos! Naturally, Ben will be accompanying the ladies on the trip because…well…obviously women can’t travel by themselves!

Their plane keeps getting delayed and Jinger is getting [sexually] frustrated. She can’t wait to give her man a big ol kiss a sensible handshake greeting. She hasn’t seen Jeremy in about three weeks, so she is jonesing for a little side tug action…hug, I meant side-hug!

These people really have nothing else to discuss, so they’ve decided to turn this episode into a “Guy’s Guide to Courting” episode, in which the guys who have already claimed a Duggar girl give their tips for having a successful courtship/spin-off show.

Unfortunately, the only guys who can give advice for courting a Duggar girl currently are Jeremy, Derick (who is off in the jungle transforming into a Yeti and swatting away kidnappers), and Ben, whom isn’t exactly a stellar source to take advice from. On the bright side, though, Ben doesn’t rap his courtship advice. Thank the Baby Jesus!

We have to sit through tons of flashback clips of when Derick and Ben asked Jim Bob and Michelle if they could have one of their daughters. John David tells us that Ben was the most nervous of “all the guys” who have asked Jimmy B to court a Duggar gal.

We watch Ben fumble his way through his request to court Jessa (for the second time this season. Good Lord, guys, how much are you gonna milk that weird footage of them in the closet?)

Next, some of the Duggar boys talk about courting. Young Josiah is actually the only Duggar man who has courted someone (other than Josh, who isn’t allowed to show his mug on TLC anymore, therefore can’t participate in this segment). Josiah, whose courtship “didn’t work out,” explains what courting is (in case you missed the 100 or so times they’ve explained it this season).

Josiah spews all the usual lines, making sure to include several of the Duggar keywords and phrases. He’s talking about “guarding hearts” and whatnot. Next, one of the other Duggar boys (Jer-something or other) talks about what he think it will be like to be all grown up and “giving away his daughters.” He makes it seem like he’s talking about trading cards or something. Geez.

Jeremy, however, gives insightful, adult-like advice. He’s obviously much more worldly and mature than any of the Duggar guys (or Ben) and seems to grasp the concept of what it means to be a man. (Jinger certainly can’t wait to, um, grasp that manhood!)

Next, the episode turns into some sort of weird dating video for John-David. Everyone chimes in to talk about how great and hard-working John-David is. (Even Jill and Derick were beamed in from the jungle to encourage someone to marry John-David.)

John-David gets in the frame next and just straight-out starts his Find-a-Wife pitch. He tells “everyone out there in TV Land” that he’s 26, has a bunch of jobs and is a pilot with his own plane. It’s like he’s applying for one of those video dating services from the 1980s.

I keep expecting a phone number to appear on the screen and Jenny McCarthy to pop out saying, “If you’d like to date this stud call 1-800-HOT-LIPS!” or something.

Back at the airport, Jinger’s loins are a-tinglin’, as her flight to Dallas continues to be delayed. Jinger knows that if they don’t make their flight to Dallas, they won’t be able to catch the same flight as Jeremy to fly to Philadelphia.

That, of course, means that Jinger and Jeremy won’t be able to become part of the Mile High [Side-hug] Club, which would be devastating for Jing! All the other fundie girls will laugh at her!

To fill some more time, we are forced to sit through clips of Jeremy, Ben and Derick all asking their respective Duggar girls to court.

We watch some footage of the Duggars forcing the potential suitors to do manual labor, before it’s time for Joseph‘s turn to make a video dating tape. He reminds the ladies that he, too, is a catch. He’s a great handyman who can lift cars and climb walls and stuff.

Once again, we check in with the Duggars who have finally boarded their flight to Dallas. They arrive and Jinger can hardly contain herself when she sees Jeremy standing at the gate waiting for them. She bypasses the whole side-hug crap and goes straight for the full frontal embrace. Michelle must have retreated to the side of the TCBY yogurt stand to pray for her heathen hugging daughter.

Jinger is there, taking in the musky scent of her man, while Jeremy is trying to herd her and her family onto the correct flight.

Next, we get more courting advice. Derick and Jill reveal that there were a few times they considered throwing chaperoned dates to the side but, luckily, they realized that going on a picnic without one of Jill’s siblings in attendance would mean a one-way ticket to the depths of hell…or something…so they never did that.

It’s time for Josiah to give the video dating a whirl. He describes himself as a jokester who likes to make animal noises (as you do). Josiah tells us that he’s in no rush to court again.

Jedidiah and Jeremiah get their turn next. Even though they are only 17 years old, the Duggars say that’s prime courtin’ age! The family tells us that the twins are business-minded and mature, and will make some great husbands for two special girls. One of the twins seems to have no idea what kind of girl he wants. In fact, he can’t even say the world “girl” without giggling.

Meanwhile, Jinger & Co. have touched down in Philly. Jinger tells us that she’s excited because Jeremy has told her that he has “a lot of special things” planned for them. (Insert Beavis & Butthead laugh here.)

Jessa tells us that Jeremy is planning to surprise Jinger by proposing, and that Jinger has no idea. Really, Jing? You couldn’t see this one coming?

After Jinger goes to sleep, Jeremy shows his parents the ring he’s planning to give to Jinger.

Next time, Jeremy takes Jinger to New York City, where he’s planning to propose. Meanwhile, Cinderella Jana is busy fixing up a house for Jill and Derick to live in when they return from Central America. (She works on houses for everyone else, yet she’s stuck living in the attic with a bunch of little girls. Sigh.)

Until next week!

To read The Ashley’s previous recaps of ‘Counting On,’ click here!

(Photos: TLC)