A padded cell for these crazies is actually a pretty good idea. Good job, VH-1.

Last year, The Ashley discovered a show that trumps Teen Mom, Road Rules/Real World Challenge, and even The Bachelor in terms of bitchy women, staged drama and mind-numbingly bad story lines. You’re Cut Off is pretty much all of these shows rolled into one brain cell-killing ball. And The Ashley freaking loves it!

For those of you who have not had the privilege of watching this VH-1 masterpiece yet, you can read The Ashley’s plot summary from last season here.  

Sometimes Jen looks like this....

...and other times she looks like this. Youch.

This group of spoiled, “rich” princesses is much more entertaining than last year’s. We still have the same general cast of characters. Replacing last season’s house antagonistic bitch, Gia is Jen, a West Hollywood idiot who acts like life is one big Playboy party. She drinks too much boxed wine and basically drills her annoyance into everyone else’s ears. There’s a Jersey girl this year too; expect that the new one, Marissa, looks like Hatchet Face from the movie Crybaby. (Look it up. You’ll totally agree.)

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

Who else? There’s one chick, Aimee, who should win a Razzie Award for her bad acting. When she’s informed that her lifestyle is about to change, she awkwardly screams “Nooooo!” SO. FREAKING.BAD. I haven’t seen this bad of acting since Lindsay Lohan was in court pretending to be sober.

Then there’s a big girl named Marcy. She’s fat. And happy. And fabulous, apparently. She likes to eat and says she lives a life of luxury filled with servants. Um, honey, you live in Buena Park, California. That’s very close to where The Ashley grew up. Let’s just say that the house they put you in on the show that you were complaining about is probably a step up from where you actually live. Just sayin’.

Then there’s a black girl who kind of looks like that chick from the “Milkshake” video, complete with 2002 Apple Bottom jeans. Her name is Shakyra (naturally). She is basically mooching off her boyfriend, named Legacy (naturally). He is tired of her spending all his money and has cut her off.

"Hmm..I guess my milkshake doesn't actually bring them all to the yard...go figure."

Well, Shakyra “ain’t having none of that.” She refuses to participate in the show once she finds out that she isn’t actually competing to be “The Next ‘It’ Girl” like she thought she was. She tells her boyfriend that “he’s single and he’s cut off.”

Um…cut off from what? Being mooched off of by a broken-down Kelis wannabe? Having to treat her like she’s something special, instead of the lame-ass, obviously delusional gold digger that she is? Poor thing. Shakyra walks off the show, which is why Jersey girl Marissa is brought in.

"Where the hell is Brad Womack?! I thought I was on The Bachelor!"

Then there’s Lauren, who describes herself as a HBBQ (Has-Been Beauty Queen). She’s cute as a bug and seems to be super sweet. Why the hell is she on this show? She should really be on a show like The Bachelor! Move to network TV, honey! You’re way too good for VH-1!

Anyway, the girls are introduced in the first episode. They are all lined up and told that, despite what they think, they are not here to compete to be “The Next ‘It’ Girl.” (Bummer?) In fact, one of the girls among them is actually…an imposter! She’s not fabulous or rich! (OMG!)

Is that you, Reese Witherspoon?

We then find out that the imposter girl is actually Life Coach Laura, and the girls have been cut off by their rich families (OMG!) They are taken to a (super-cute) little house and told that they will be bunk-bedding it up for the next eight weeks until they learn not to be spoiled. (OMG!)

By the second episode (which aired this week), we really start to get into the good stuff. The girls are basically tricked. Life Coach Laura rewards them by allowing them to go to a country club. The girls get excited and start ordering drinks, massages and some nasty-looking buffet food. What they don’t know is that they are being tricked— nothing is being paid for and they’ve basically stolen all of the stuff they consumed at this fancy country club because they’re CUT OFF and have no money.

(I’m pretty sure this is the country club  they were at .)

Anyway, so the girls are told that they must work off their pool tab by working at the country club in various jobs. First, they must change into the blue polo and khaki pants uniform. Well, a few of these “fashionistas” decide they can’t be seen wearing that uniform so they change it up a little.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! Stop.

One girl, Nadia, decides that the blue shirt would look better if she wore her own denim shorts with it. Um, honey, nothing would look better if you wore those shorts with it. As one of the other girls puts it so beautifully, “Nadia should never be anywhere near the shorts aisle. No one wants to see your thunder thighs or your crotch hanging out.” LOL! The Ashley couldn’t have said it better herself.

"NOOO!" I feel the same way about the attire, Aimee.

Another girl, Hana, ops for a fashionable polo-pants-less look. (Don’t worry, she does wear her thigh-highs with the shirt though.) This show is RIDICULOUS!!! Love it.

Anyway, so as expected, some of the girls put up resistance to the various jobs they’re given: cleaning tennis courts, bussing tables and fishing golf balls out of the lake. Other girls, like Marcy, get the job done but are upset that some of the other chicks totally disregard their chores.

Don’t fear— the girls who did a good job are rewarded with a trip to the Mission Hills Bowling Alley, where they antagonize a poor teenager into getting them alcohol and waiting on them.

Back at home that night, Jen has once again consumed too much boxed wine and is walking (OK, wobbling) around the house looking for trouble. She finds it in Aimee. She pulls her weave (watch it, white girl….you’re asking for trouble) and starts to try to get someone to wrestle her. (As you do.)

Most of the girls end up going outside (probably to get away from Jen’s stank boxed wine breath) and start to play croquet. Here comes Jen, once again looking for trouble. She wants to play, but Aimee says no. Jen pulls her hair and tries to grab the croquet…mallet? Stick? Whatever it’s called. And that’s when madness ensues!

White chicks listen up: black girls DO NOT PLAY when it comes to their hair. Weaves are expensive so if you pull them or damage them in any way, you’re gonna get beat. So don’t touch it.

Too bad Jen didn’t listen because Aimee has had enough and hauls off and HITS HER WITH THE CROQUET MALLET!! This is not fake, because production steps in to break up the fight to prevent Jen’s eventual murder by croquet mallet.

Later, Life Coach Laura tells the girls that violence, and beating people with mallets will not be tolerated. Aimee, Jen and several other girls fail the lesson.

This show is amazing!!!!!!!!

You must watch it!!!!