Post Tagged with: "Recaps"

‘Teen Mom 2′ Season 6 Episode 3 Recap: Custody Fights & The Car Full of Crap

When your being smothered by a Frozen backpack but your mama's worried about hairspray...

When you’re being smothered by a Frozen backpack but your mama’s worried about hairspray…

Yes, The Ashley knows that this Teen Mom 2 recap is later than Leah’s period after a meeting with Robbie Kidd, but, hey whatcha gonna do?

Let’s get started, as there are a lot of hijinks to cover and only a little bit of time before The Ashley punches a wall and yells “I’M DONE (with this stupid show)!”

The episode kicks off with Leah and Jeremy heading to drop off the girls with Corey. They pull over to the designated spot in the woods and shovel the girl into Corey’s truck (all while Corey somehow manages to keep his spittin’ regiment in tact).

"Get out while you still can, man!"

“Get out while you still can, man!”

Corey brings up the fact that he wants more custody of the twins again, and he and Jeremy keep exchanging these weird smirks during this conversation, almost like Corey’s trying to congratulate Jeremy for calling Leah out on The Twitter for her cheatin’ ways, but he doesn’t want to say it because he’s afraid Leah will beat him over the head with her bag of Mary Kay makeup. Jeremy exchanges a knowing smile.

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‘Bachelorette’ Kaitlyn Finale Recap: Kait Chooses a Mate

Who the hell even cares?

Who the hell even cares?

We made it, guys. The Ashley is so proud of all of you who have stuck this entire horrible season out until the end. We’ve watched a lot of horrible stuff (See The Ashley’s Top 12 list of WTF Moments here!) but this week Kaitlyn will finally decide who she wants to contractually bone for the next two to four months! She’s down to two men—Nick and Shawn—and, guys…she CAN SEE BOTH OF THEM AS HER HUSBAND!!!

She’s in love with both guys, of course, and both guys are in love with her and, well, it’s just so hard.

Tonight, both remaining dudes will meet Kaitlyn’s family before they head to the exotic, far-off land of…um, the Bachelor Mansion, where one/both/none of the guys will propose. (Is ABC going bankrupt? What gives with them only going to one foreign country this season? What is this, 2004? Geez.)

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‘Teen Mom 2′ Season 6 Episode 2 Recap: Poor Camera Work & The Proposal in Paradise

Everyone remembers their fourth engagement...

Everyone remembers their fourth engagement…

The Ashley apologizes for the lateness of this recap! (Rest assured, though, she wasn’t spending her time this week getting “High! High!” or being seen with “Kieffa!”)

Anyway, this episode of Teen Mom 2 basically picks up where we left off last week. Kail and Javi are fighting, Leah and Corey are fighting, Chelsea and Adam are fighting and, for once, Jenelle and Nathan aren’t fighting (but Jenelle is fighting with her mom Babs so…business as usual.)

We start off in Delaware, where Kail and her gal pals are heading to the concert in Philly that caused such a stink between her and Javi. Nothing has been resolved, and Kail is upset because she feels her marriage is toxic. She tells her friends that she and Javi both know their marriage is going down, but neither wants to be the one to pull the plug. Perhaps they can get Babs involved. She can just call up Javi and say, “Bye! Bye! Kail is sayin’ goodbye!”

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Kaitlyn’s ‘Men Tell All’ Recap: Begging for Forgiveness (And More Camera Time)

"Hey, at least I'm getting some!"

“Hey, at least I’m getting some!”

This week on The Bachelorette, we’ve been spared from watching Kaitlyn cry about how hard her life is, and from marveling as Nick and Shawn battle it out for Kaitlyn’s heart (and vagina.) Instead, they’ve wheeled out all of Kaitlyn’s rejected men to talk crap on each other and ol’ Kait. But first, we get a sneak peek of Bachelor in Paradise, where sexual chemistry (and most likely diseases) will run rampant alongside crying men and women in bikinis that resemble club wear.

The Ashley can’t freaking wait. Seriously I could watch this crap every single night.

Anyway, on to “Men Tell All” nonsense. As per usual, this “tell all” show will likely tell us absolutely nothing. Usually the Clorox bleach commercials they show in between segments are more entertaining than this special, but, hey, I have no life so I’m still watching it.

First the guys attack Ian, the guy that called Kaitlyn out for all her crap. Tanner goes first, telling Ian that his exit was disrespectful to them and to Kaitlyn. (Ian- you’re still my hero! Kaitlyn disrespected all of the guys, every week, making them humiliate themselves, and basically ignoring all the dudes that she didn’t want to bone.)

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‘Bachelorette’ Kaitlyn Episode 9 Recap: Family Visits & Fantasy Suite Fornication

As you do.

As you do.

We are almost there, friends. In just a few weeks, Kaitlyn will choose whichever goon she wants to “make love” to forever. (And by “forever” I mean two to four months, tops.) After that, we head straight to the reality crapfest that is Bachelor in Paradise and all will be right in the world again.

The episode starts where we left off in Ireland, with Shawn verbally bitch-slapping Nick in the hotel room showdown. Nick, wearing his woolly mammoth hipster smock, doesn’t seem all that concerned that Shawn hates him, which seems to piss Shawn off more. He storms out of Nick’s room, surely to go throw butter knives at photos of Lil Orphan Annie.

The moment Kaitlyn found out that you don't have to sleep with every guy you go on a date with.

The moment Kaitlyn found out that you don’t have to sleep with every guy you go on a date with.

Kaitlyn, meanwhile, is preparing for her under-the-sheet-showdown with Peter Brady lookalike Ben. Of course, before they can bone, they have to go on a date. They are going horseback riding, and as soon as Kait gets up on the horse, she says, “This feels right!” (Well, we know she’s used to have her legs apart and riding things.)

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‘Teen Mom 2′ Season 6 Episode 1 Recap: Custody Fightin’ & Cut Up Tank Tops

That face you make when you're trying to remember how many youngins you have...

That face you make when you’re trying to remember how many youngins you have…

Well Juh-nelle, I see ya got anotha season!

Yes kids, Teen Mom 2 is back. Baby Jesus (and Viacom Inc.) have answered our prayers and dropped off another season full of Chelsea doing her hair, Leah trying (unsuccessfully) to keep it in her pants, Kail trying not to make fun of Jo‘s rap ‘career’ and Jenelle getting engaged to random dudes. To all of you who went to church and prayed that the reality Gods would once again smile upon us and give us more of Barbara and the gang, The Ashley thanks you.

Let’s get started before Jenelle gets arrested and I have to write about it instead of doing this recap!

The episode kicks off with a recap of last season. To sum it up: Jenelle crapped out a kid, yelled at everyone, and tried to get custody of Jace; Chelsea got a cosmetology license and Adam got arrested; Kail and Javi argued; Leah got ding-danged drugged out and wanted to put dye in the baby’s head…or something.

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