Post Tagged with: "Recaps"

‘Teen Mom OG’ Episode 5 Recap: Hairy Fairy Gary & the Return of Farrah’s Hissy Fits

No one can ugly-cry like Farrah, I'll give her that...

No one can ugly-cry like Farrah, I’ll give her that…

First of all, The Ashley would like to apologize for not recapping last week’s episode of Teen Mom OG. To punish herself for slacking off, she will force herself to listen to Farrah Abraham‘s musical masterpiece of a song, “Blowin’” on repeat until the next episode of this show airs.

The Ashley was able to watch the episode, and can sum it up in one line: Everyone done got knocked up. Apparently, Gary Shirley‘s condom line hadn’t been released by the time this episode was filmed because all of these knuckleheads “forgot” to use protection and produced yet another spawn. Last episode Maci announced that she is once again “with child,” and Gary somehow managed to sperminate his girlfriend, Kristina, as well.

Here is what The Ashley has to say about that…

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‘Teen Mom OG’ Episode 3 Recap: Book Tours, Birth Parent Drama & Bedridden Baby-Daddies

This is probably the best quote ever spoken on this show.

This is probably the best quote ever spoken on this show.

This week’s episode of Teen Mom OG is entitled “Old Wounds.” A name like that evokes so many ideas as to what this episode could be about! Will we be discussing Butch‘s prison shank wounds? Will the episode cover the emotional scars that Amber has after her daughter chose a bag of Cheetos over talking to her last episode? Will Maci accidentally cut herself on a beer bottle while trying to open it too fast?! So many possibilities!

Anyway, the episode starts off with Amber, who has gone down to ol’ Rascal’s Fun Zone (You know there’s a lot of fun to be had at a place called Rascal’s!). She’s brought along Cousin Krystle’s, who’s always down to drive go-karts, get a pedicure or eat a meal, as long as it’s on MTV’s dime. (Hell, if she gets Amber to really “open up” on camera, they may even spring for Krystle to get a Rascal Dog and fries from the snack shack!)

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‘Teen Mom OG’ Episode 2 Recap: Mail from Butch & Man-Handling Your Ex

Gary puts his paws on Amber to show affection.

Gary puts his paws on Amber to show affection.

Welcome back, crappy TV lovers! This week’s episode of Teen Mom OG is entitled “Back to School.” This seems to be an odd choice, as nearly all of the ‘Teen Mom’ stars have chucked the idea of going to school in favor of reality TV stardom. Maci Bookout, for instance, can’t go “back to school” because, well, she’s been in school for about nine years, working toward that gosh dern Associate’s degree. #CollegeIsHardY’all

Anyway, the episode kicks off where we left off last week, with Catelynn and Tyler being pregnant, Ryan being a bag ‘o’ dicks and Amber and Gary being coy about getting back together. Farrah was not in the episode, as she was surely spinning around some stripper pole in Texas or hawking her plastic butts or something. We are not sure if she will be making an appearance in this episode.

We start in Indiana, where Gary invites Amber to go with him and Leah to buy Leah’s school supplies. Gary picks her up and immediately starts putting his meaty paws all over Amber, tickling her until she squeals.

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‘Hot Grits’ Episode 2 Recap: Pajama Bar Brawls & Blind Dates

Oh, Dee-wayne...

Oh, Dee-wayne…

By Holly Rasmussen

This week delivered another sizzling episode of Hot GRITS, VH1’s new reality show about the ladies of Valdosta, Georgia. We left off last week with Sarah throwing all of her ex-boyfriend Dee-Wayne‘s stuff on the front yard.

Dee-Wayne comes back over to pick up the rest of his stuff. Sarah tries to stop him from coming in, but he insists he has more stuff inside. He storms in and grabs his mom’s leftover spaghetti and his beer out of the refrigerator. (You’ve gotta get the essentials if you’re leaving, I guess.)

We flash to Bear and Ratchet who are visiting Ratchet’s dad, Peanut. (Yes.) Peanut enlists their help to paint posts. After hearing that Bear’s husband, Lion, hasn’t told his parents that he and Bear have been married, Peanut offers up some life advice.

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‘Teen Mom OG’ Episode 1 Recap: Pedicures, Producers & Positive Pregnancy Tests

Yay for a Farrah-free episode!

Yay for a Farrah-free episode!

Disclaimer: Since it’s been years since The Ashley has recapped this show, she wants to remind you that these recaps are written all in good fun. The Ashley doesn’t hate these girls. If you have no sense of humor, please spin it around and exit this recap ASAP. Thanks.

It’s been a loooong time since we’ve had the girls of Teen Mom on our TV sets each week! The Ashley never thought she’d see the day that Farrah, Maci, Amber and Catelynn (and their respective baby-daddies, random boyfriends and mulleted parents) were back at a regularly scheduled time on MTV, but– ding dangit– here they are! The first episode of Teen Mom, er, ‘Teen Mom OG’ (because I guess that’s what they’re calling it now; I think they think it makes the girls sound more gangsta. We already knew Gary was the original gangsta, guys. Duh.)

Anyway, a lot has happened with the girls since we last saw them. Babies have shot out of wombs, penii have entered backdoors (on film, natch), and debts to society have been paid! Let’s get down to business.

This season is different because– for the first time ever– the girls are actually acknowledging that they are on an insanely popular TV show. For years, MTV went to ridiculous lengths to try to make it look like they were just normal teen moms…with ginormous houses…and new cars…and no jobs. In fact, the show’s camera crew and producers will now have their own starring roles on the show!

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‘Hot GRITS’ Episode 1 Recap: Getting to Know the Gals & Grilling ‘Coon

GRITs getting gritty!

GRITs getting gritty!

By Holly Rasmussen

Welcome to Valdosta, Georgia home of redneck girls and bulls. Over here at The Roundup, we’ve been anxiously awaiting the premiere of Hot GRITS, which takes place in this Southern town! To kick off the episode, we are introduced to the ladies of Valdosta.

First, we meet Hailey and Emily, the two high-maintenance gals of the group. Emily says that she and her boyfriend are the king and queen of Valdosta and that her friends are jealous of her. (How do you even have friends with that attitude?) She also thinks that she and her boyfriend are too good-looking to be living in Valdosta, and that they belong in a town with other good-looking people. Um, move? I’m sure the town of Valdosta would all get together and cheer as you guys left.

When you and your hot boyfriend have to go to the bar at Applebee's and pretend you're in 'da club!'

When you and your hot boyfriend have to go to the bar at Applebee’s and pretend you’re in ‘da club!’

Emily likes nice things, and only drink vodka and champagne because, “All I eat is healthy.”

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