Post Tagged with: "Recaps"

‘Teen Mom 2′ Season 5B Episode 9: Custody Battles & Bad Mom Hair

That shirt isn't exactly helping either. Just sayin...

That shirt isn’t exactly helping either. Just sayin…

Welcome to another episode of Teen Mom 2! The Ashley is a bit behind in watching these episodes (obviously), but from what she has seen on The Internet, there should be enough bad parenting in this episode to make Dr. Drew throw his hands up in the hair and yell, “EFF this!” and walk away from doing those reunion specials.

Anyway, on with the show!

We start things off with Kail, who is Isaac-less because he’s at Jo‘s for the weekend. (They do a quick shot of Jo and Isaac eating dinner to prove that Jo is still alive. We haven’t seen him for a few episodes. )

Shouldn't the waiter have carded them, being that they're on a show called 'Teen Mom 2?'

Shouldn’t the waiter have carded them, being that they’re on a show called ‘Teen Mom 2?’

Anyway, Kail and Javi head out on a date to celebrate Javi’s homecoming. They go to a fancy restaurant (i.e. no sawdust on the floor and no entrees that have a name starting with “Rootin’ Tootin.’”)

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‘Bachelor in Paradise’ Finale Recap: The One Where Everyone Goes Home

"The waters of Mexico will never be the same."

“The waters of Mexico will never be the same.”

We’ve made it to the end of the syphilis-infested road, folks! It’s the final episode of Bachelor in Paradise! The Paradisers will now have to decide if they want to continue the “relationships” they’ve made on the island into their regular lives, or if they want to leave them behind.

It’s all very dramatic, of course.

Tasos and Christy met like five minutes ago. This is just ridiculous.

Tasos and Christy met like five minutes ago. This is just ridiculous.

Chris Harrison informs the remaining couples that “everything is about to change.” He tells them that they must decide to break up with whoever it is that they’re boning at the moment and leave Paradise immediately, or stick around and try to make their relationships work. The couples–Michelle and Cody, Graham and AshLee, Sarah and Robert, Lacy and Marcus, “Tacos” and Christy (who literally met like an hour ago), and Jackie and Zack– all contemplate what they want to do.

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‘Teen Mom 2′ Season 5B Episode 8 Recap: Fishing For More Child Support

South Dakota FishingWelcome back, my lil trash-TV-lovin’ pals! Let’s settle in and get down to business. There are illegitimate babies to be born, husbands to be Skype’d in, and soccer moms to be tanned!

We kick things off in North Carolina at Casa de Babs. Our gal Barbara is “pullin’ heh hair out!” because she’s so stressed. This may be because her entire house has essentially been turned into a makeshift Chuck E. Cheese, with grandkids, toys and the occasional oversized rodent running amok in her kitchen. The mothers of these children are nowhere to be found, as per usual, so Barb is forced to try to wrangle them all.

"Should I  set fire to the garage, or go play video games? Hmmm..."

“Should I set fire to the garage, or go play video games? Hmmm…”

Eventually Jenelle and her still-fresh-from-the-slammer beau, Nathan arrive. Things have been tense between Babs and Nathan since their big fight a few weeks back, but they attempt to make amends. Next, Barb explains that Jace has basically turned into the Spawn of Satan.

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‘Bachelor in Paradise’ Episode 6 Recap: Girl Power & Gay Guys

"Haay, girl, haaay!"

“Haay, girl, haaay!”

Get your bottle of lube ready because it’s time for another episode of Bachelor in Paradise! We are coming down to the final weeks, and couples are starting to make “lifelong” connections (because, you know, some STDs last forever.)

Last week, Cody declared his undying love for Michelle, which has freaked her out a little. She wants to slow things down a little but Cody doesn’t really understand what’s wrong. He thinks that he needs to come on even stronger to make Michelle love him, but she’s not feeling it.

"I hope the brontosauruses don't like the taste of spray tan!"

“I hope the brontosauruses don’t like the taste of spray tan!”

A date card arrives for Marcus, who of course, takes Lacy on the date. After Lacy piles on a fresh layer of Wet ‘n’ Wild bright blue eyeshadow, she heads off with Marcus. They are taken to some sort of nature center. (“I think it’s a dinosaur park!” Lacy says. I’m praying she’s joking but, unfortunately, I highly doubt it.) Luckily they don’t run into any T-rexes and make it safely down into a cave.

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‘Teen Mom 2′ Season 5B Episode 7 Recap: Brawling with Barbara & Bad Roots

"Let me tan you!"

“Let me tan you!”

Gather your youngins, ’cause it’s time for another episode of Teen Mom 2, where many of the adults are unstable and many of the kids are, well, unbathed! Last week’s episode was quite the doozy– what with the return of Kail‘s mother, Smirnoff Suzi and the random appearance by a Buckwild cast member.

This week’s episode promises to be almost as much fun, however! We kick things off with an arrest, which tells us that we’re in for a whole bunch of LOLs. If someone isn’t pregnant and/or behind bars on this show, I’m just not that interested in watching. Luckily, there hasn’t been an episode of ‘Teen Mom 2′ that didn’t include someone  being arrested or being pregnant, so we’re good.

Anyway, the mischief-maker this time around is Chelsea‘s good-for-nothing-but-impregnating-young-girls baby daddy, Adam. Once again, he has gotten behind the wheel despite the fact that he has a suspended license. He was caught and thrown in the clink. (I’m fairly certain the guards and his regular cellmates, Bubba and BigDog, threw him a “Welcome Home” party upon his arrival.)

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‘Bachelor in Paradise’ Episode 5 Recap: Medical Emergencies & Menage a Trois

bachelor in paradise

The hospitals double as hotel rooms in Mexico, apparently.

The producers of Bachelor in Paradise are just straight evil people. They are determined to make us feel even worse about our already pathetic lives. In case you don’t feel terrible enough about yourself for devoting two hours a week to watching what is possibly the most horrifically ridiculous show in years, they went ahead and added a second episode this week! Of course, watching four hours of crap is pathetic but, come on, what do we really have planned for our Tuesday night anyway? Watching something with redeeming value like Game of Thrones or something? Come on! (Is that show even on anymore? The Ashley honestly has no clue. If people aren’t crying in limos, she’s  just not that interested.)

To catch up on what you missed on Monday night’s episode, click here!

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