Post Tagged with: "Recaps"

“16 and Pregnant Recap: Maddy’s Never-Ending One-Night Stand

Two pumps and you're stuck parenting with a chump for 18 years.

Two pumps and you’re stuck parenting with a chump for 18 years.

Spring has sprung, and there is Pitocin in the air which can only mean one thing: a brand new season of 16 and Pregnant! We’ve waited a long time for this trainwreck-of-a-show to come back into our lives, and, over the past five months The Ashley worked tirelessly to introduce you to the girls that were cast on Season 5. One of the first girls she told you about was Maddy, whose episode we will discuss here.

The Ashley’s previous posts about Maddy will tell you a lot about her and her episode that MTV didn’t show you, but this recap will be written as if this is the first time The Ashley has ever heard of this girl.

On with the show!

The episode kicks off with a cartoon sketch of a pretty blond girl– oh, how I’ve missed these colorless cartoon wonders! We are introduced to Maddy while she and a friend splish-splash in a pool. She lives in a Full House (sans Kimmy Gibbler or any creep Uncle-like characters that live in the basement and do bad Bullwinkle impressions on the regular.) She lives with her mom and an assortment of real and half siblings in Tinley Park, which is outside of Chicago. She has a close relationship with her dad, who lives in the great state of Indiana. (I’m praying to the Baby Jesus that his neighbors are Gary and/or Amber from Teen Mom.)

Maddy’s about to start her junior year of high school. One thing she isn’t about to start? Her period! Because….she’s pregnant!

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‘Teen Mom 2′ Episode 12 Recap: A Baby is Born & A Bonehead is Tased

kail and javi babyBefore we start, The Ashley needs to apologize to her trash-TV-lovin’ pals for not doing a recap of last week’s episode. We missed some big moments (Jenelle announced her pregnancy to Jace, and Smirnoff Suzi made her return!) but hopefully this recap will make up for it, because, according to my DVR guide, a new Teen Mom 2 cast member will be born on this episode, and one of these creepgoblins is going to get tased! Babies being born and bolts of electricity going through someone’s body?! This is like The Ashley’s Christmas, y’all!

Anyway, the episode kicks off in Delaware, where Javi and a very pregnant Kail are trying to get their baby’s room ready because he is due next week. Although at this point they don’t know it’s a boy (Oh, um, spoiler alert?) they choose to paint the baby’s room a dark shade of blue. Apparently, Javi’s lacking in the painting skills department, which Kail says is surprising, being that his family works over at the Sherwin-Williams. Javi just looks at her and refrains from commenting back while she chides him over his piss-poor painting skills. You can tell that he’s cutting her some slack because she’s about to push his firstborn through her hoo-ha.

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‘Teen Mom 2′ Episode 10 Recap: Wedding Bells & Jailbird Jenelle

Javi

“Just married…again!”

Although it is going to be hard to top all of the meat slappin’ fun we had on last week’s episode of Teen Mom 2, this week’s episode brings some big moments: a wedding, a graduation and, hopefully, plenty of Barbara appearances, so let’s get started!

The episode kicks off in Philadelphia, where Kail and Javi are about to say “I do” (Well, technically it’s “I still do” but I digress…) It’s the day of the wedding and the boys and girls are remaining segregated so that it’s extra special when Kail and Javi see each other at the ceremony.

Javi’s pal, Pocahontas, and the rest of the groomsmen are holed up in a hotel room waiting until 10 minutes before the ceremony starts to get ready because, let’s face it, men just have to shower and shave and they’re ready to go. (Except for Pocahontas, of course, who has likely spent the morning pruning his braids to perfection.)

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‘Teen Mom 2′ Episode 9 Recap: How To Slap Your Spouse With a Processed Meat Product

teen mom 2

Best.Photo.EVER.

The Ashley wasn’t going to recap this episode of Teen Mom 2, due to the fact that she waited so long that the next episode is about to air. However, when she found out that one of the girls get bitch-slapped with bacon, there was no way she could resist! I mean, there aren’t too many times in a writer’s life that she has an opportunity to write about an assault via processed meat product.

Teen Mom 2

“How would we even know which motel to send Suzi’s invitation to?”

The episode starts in Delaware, where Kail and Javi are doing the final preparations for their wedding, which is only one week away. Kail’s excited about her big day but nervous that her bitchy bridesmaids will go all “Jerry Springer” at the reception because they are still upset about the damn purple earrings.

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‘Teen Mom 2′ Episode 8 Recap: Brawling with Babs & Baby Daddy Drama

"Ya dirty hustla!"

“Ya dirty hustla!”

Strap on your poorly colored hair extensions and shellac yourself in some self-tanner from The Wal-Mart because it’s time for yet another episode of Teen Mom 2. Last week, the girls had themselves all wrapped up in assorted hi-jinks, so The Ashley can’t wait to see what they’re fixin’ to get into this week!

The episode starts in West Virginia, where Leah is preparing Ali for her very first day of school. Leah gets her youngin’ all scrubbed up and shiny, and then they all head out to Ali’s school. No one seems to be worried about where Aleeah and the baby are at this point (except for Ali, who at least mentions that her sister was left behind.) Hopefully a sound guy was willing to stay behind and keep an eye on the other kids.

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‘Bachelor’ Juan Pablo Finale Recap: Juan Sleazo Chooses a Mate

"Come to Papi!"

“Come to Papi!”

Not gonna lie…The Ashley‘s mouth is still hanging open in surprise/disgust over what happened on Monday night’s Bachelor finale. Chris Harrison has said it so many times before, but, honestly, never has there been an episode of ‘The Bachelor’ that was so dramatic and surprising. (This even topped Desiree‘s shocking “settle for second best” finale!)

Let’s get right to it because we’ve got three hours of crap and cockiness to wade through! The Ashley apologizes for this one being a little long, but, hey, they gave me three hours of great material to work with!

Juan Pablo is down to his final two women: nurse Nikki and sultry seawater sextress Clare. JP is having a hard time deciding which lady he wants to play “lickey lickey” with forever. (Or at least until their dramatic, made-for-People-magazine breakup in a month or two.)

Anyway, Chris Harrison is coming to us live from a studio so that we can watch the final episode together and get boring commentary from audience members we don’t know or care about.

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