Holy freaking crap! Tomorrow is the finale of the Bachelor! While I am excited for the finale, I am somewhat sad that I will no longer be able to use the phrase “Wings of Love” and have people know what I’m talking about. After tomorrow, it will just fall back into obscurity as cheesy elevator music.
Anyway, I’d like Jake to see what his life would be like if he picks “Good Clean Fun” Tenley, as well as with “I Worked at Hooters” Vienna. All I can say is…poor sap.

If Jake picks Tenley: His life will be sugar and spice and everything nice. As one of the girls on the “Women Tell All” show put it, this chick fell right out of a Disney movie. Tiny cartoon birds fly onto her finger each morning and she whistles while she works.

While these things may get a little annoying at times, overall, I think these are qualities someone like Jake would like to have in a wife, and the mother of his future children. A life with Tenley will probably not include too many trips over to the Condom Revolution, but you’re likely to get a lot of home-cooked meals, dates to PG-rated movies and possibly some good, ol’ fashioned sing-a-longs with your kids.

Bottom Line: Let’s face it, both Jake and Tenley are wholesome, “oh golly gee” kind of people and frankly, they both get on my nerves. They are a perfect match!

If Jake picks Vienna: Four words: it won’t last long. Jake is clearly intrigued by this new type of woman. Vienna is wild, adventurous and frankly, this type of river-rat hotness wouldn’t have ever given him the time of day unless he was the ticket to her 15 minutes of fame.

 This type of girl is usually seen riding shotgun in the lifted truck of a guy who is decked out head to toe in Ed Hardy, with an obnoxiously large belt bucket and an even more obnoxious personality. She would normally not be caught dead with a guy who wears Dockers. So if Jake picks Vienna, he will get a sad dose of reality when the cameras turn off. As soon as that red light goes off, Vienna is going to be scrambling to keep her mug in front of the public. Expect covers of OK! Magazine, segments on Entertainment Tonight and pics of Vienna out clubbing in Hollywood.

Bottom Line: Jake doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who wants to hit up Teddy’s and head over to Lindsay Lohan’s for the afterparty. Sadly, he will learn how unimportant he truly is to Vienna, when it’s too late.

What do I think will happen tomorrow night? I think Jake will realize that neither of these last two girls is his wife. I expect some intense man-crying on the balcony and then the dumping of both girls. I may be wrong, but something tells me I’m not. Remember, Chris Harrison said “Jake, are you happy with your DECISION?” Not “are you happy with the girl you picked?” during the Women Tell All. And all Jake said was yes, no elaboration. This tells me something is up!

Reality experts are all saying he picks Vienna, but we will have to wait and see!!