Ever wonder how MTV finds these kids that they put on their show, 16 & Pregnant? If you’re like me, you often wonder if it is made up because some of them are just too priceless and trashy for words. I wonder, seriously, can these people really be walking around the planet?

Well, the answer is YES, these people do actually exist and what’s really sad is that there are a ton of them, and most are actually worse than the ones shown on “16 & Pregnant!” (I know it’s hard to believe that there are trashier people than Catelynn’s parents from the first season of 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom, but it’s true, although her step-dad Butch, naturally had a mullet, an extensive jail record and an endless supply of wife-beater tanks. Awesome.)

If you want to read about some of these teenage train wrecks, you have to go to the 16 & Pregnant website message boards. There’s a part where viewers can share their own stories. You have to go and read them. Even if you feel that you screwed your own life up royally, you will feel 100 times better about yourself after reading these stories!! Plus, it beats doing work!

Here are just a few stories that were too funny to leave behind. (By the way, I did not edit any of these to make them more funny; they were copied directly from the site and, as you will see, there was no need to make them more funny than they already are!)

From Lashay:

“okay my name is lashay and im 13years old. i think im in luv with my boyfriend and i want to be with him forever but hes always breakin up with me and then gettin back together with me and this time i dont want to let him go and i want to have his baby so he wont never leave me again… but i do want a baby and i think i want one now but then again i want to kno how hard will it be…

when will it start to get easier…but like i was already thinkin bout it and i want one but i kno my mom and my grandmom will be supportive wel my grandmom becuz she had my mom at the age of 14….but like i need help do u think i should wait til im older or now and will it be hard ….plez help me…”

Oh Lashay, you need so much more help than other losers on the 16 & Pregnant website can give you. Go…actually, RUN to your local Planned Parenthood and for the love of God, please get on some damn birth control. And get a lobotomy while you’re there. Thanks.

Here’s a tale from another message board poster:

“Got pregnant at 15 and my boyfriend was 19, we went through the whole statuatory rape deal and my boyfriend almost went to jail. While I was pregnant I moved 6 times throughout the state of Alabama. My boyfriend had cheated on me when I was 6 months pregnant with a girl who was supposed to be my best friend. Needless to say, she’s not.”

She’s from Alabama? Now that’s a surprise! Let me guess what color her boyfriend’s neck is…um, red? I think you should just go on Jerry Springer and get it all out, girl. Oh and then change your kid’s name from Brylan to Bubba. Otherwise, that kids so going to get beat up when he goes to whatever redneck high school you dropped out of.

From someone/something named Guera:

“Hey yal! kai so my story begins wen i met ma babyz daddy wen i was n da 7th grade n he was n da eigth grade..so we started dating n all dat crap,so den he went off to high skul n while i was still stuck n middle skul,so to c each otha i skipped skul n he pikked me up n so yeah..one month later i found out i was pregnant so i told ma b/f…n we decided to tell ma parentz together but it broke my heart to c my mom cry n stuff (real tough)..

so i had ma son wen i was 15…now hez bout to be 2 years in june n im 17.. so fo u girls who are teen momz or bout to be, i gotta admit dat it is real hard at da begining cauz u dont have any experience on how to take care of a new born but after a while itz not so bad so if ur tinkin bout adoption,itz not worth it bcuz wen u have ur baby in ur arms it’ll be da most wonderful ting u’ll ever experience..all im saying is dat a baby isa blessing from god.!!”

Well, Guera, God has certainly blessed you with the ability to screw up the spelling of nearly every single word in the English language. Good job with that. What’s sad is that her son, at age 2,  is probably a better speller than her. Actually, what’s sadder is that she actually meant to write it like that, which just furthers my position that stupid people should never, ever reproduce.

If you want to check out the rest of this crap (and you should), go here. I’ll be posting more whenever I find ones that are true literary masterpieces. Enjoy!