Is it just me or is the new season of Teen Mom making you want to kill yourself?

We are two episodes into Season 2, and already I need to mainline anti-depressants just to keep my spirits up while watching it. Surely, MTV is attempting to show the kiddies that if you get knocked up before your 18^th birthday, your life will suck, which is a good thing. However, these girls’ lives suck so bad it’s starting to ruin my life by watching them.

Anyway, let’s break it down. Two out of four of these girls need to get bolo-chopped to the face: Farrah and Amber. Farrah acts like a snot-faced bratty 10-year-old most of the time, which is unfortunate because she happens to have a one-year-old. It’s safe to say she’s lacking in the parenting skills department. (I especially loved when Farrah left the baby outside of her new apartment and shut the door. And leaving Sophia in the sink to turn the hot water on and burn herself was quite rich also. Um…paging Dr. Drew! Let’s do an intervention here.)

I know her mom ‘beat her up’ and all (well…if you count hitting her with an MTV T-shirt as ‘beating up’) but seriously, it’s almost embarrassing to watch her act like such a jerk to her parents. Sure, her mom is crazy as a looney bird, but if Farrah hates her so much, why does she keep saying she wants to try to work things out? All she does is sit there and make cold, rude remarks whenever she’s around her mother. Needs to go!

Who else needs to go? Gary. Where does he need to go? Anywhere away from Amber!

This week’s episode of “Gary and Amber Scream at Each other and Gary Shows Off His Enormous Shirtless Chest”…I mean ‘Teen Mom’…was quite the gem. This week, while talking over ice cream (LOL that they had to use subtitles to clarify what Gary was saying because his mouth was so stuffed with ice cream!) Amber and Gary decide it would be a good idea to take the Leah on a 16-hour car ride to Florida.

I seriously would have rather run naked through a men’s prison than have been in that SUV! Nothing says a romantic vacation like 16 hours in a car with a screaming baby and Gary’s farts. (Come on, you know that guy probably has the Worst.Gas.Ever.)

So Gary takes Amber on a romantical walk on the beach and prepares to execute the least romantic proposal in history. He tells her that she can have her old ring back if she wants. (Apparently, he must have finished his layaway payments at the Wal-Mart. That rock is his now!)

Then he says “I was wondering if you would want to marry me.” Amber, who has been strong-arming the guy into proposing to her for the entire episode, yells at the poor guy and says, “That’s not what you’re supposed to say! You’re supposed to say ‘Will you marry me’ not ‘Do you want to marry me.’”

Honey, with that nasty attitude, you should be happy that anyone asked you to marry them—ever! So I guess they get engaged. Yuck. Run, Gary, run! Surely you can find someone better than this angry tart.

Maci has a pretty boring storyline this week…blah blah…new boyfriend…Ryan’s new girlfriend…no pacifiers….waa. Moving on…

Poor Catelynn, who seems to have just gotten the short end of the crap stick in life, is still struggling to get Tyler to move past the whole lying incident. (Seriously, Tyler, get over it. Even I’m tired of hearing it.) They go to couples’ counseling to try to work things out, but Tyler just keeps getting more and more paranoid. If he thinks he has it so bad, he should go talk to Gary. Now that guy has a bad life coming his way!

Will Catelynn ever be around normal people who don’t want to ruin her life? Will Amber kill Gary with a spray tan gun? Will Farrah ever stop being such a rancid little bitch?

Tune in next week to find out!