As a rule, The Ashley has never been very interested in The Apprentice or its sister show, Celebrity Apprentice. It’s always bored me when I tried to watch it and I usually gave up after an episode or two.

However, this season of Celebrity Apprentice has received so much hype that The Ashley had to see what all the fuss was about. So I watched tonight’s episode…and I’m sold. That crap is hilarious! Everyone on the show is off their rocker, of course, save for a few. (Mark McGrath, even with a few wrinkles, is still as smoking hot as he was back when all the girlies at my high school were in love with him in the early 2000s.)

Anyway, there were many moments of tonight’s episode that made me laugh out loud (or as you kids call it “LOL”), so it was hard to narrow it down, but I bring you…the best five lines to come off of tonight’s episode:

1) Gary‘s Creepy Pirate Song & Accompanying Robot Dance: True, most funny moments come from Gary acting (or not acting) completely insane. However, the scene where he and Lil John are waiting for the props and Gary decides to pass the time with an impromptu pirate song and dance number was hysterical! I loved Lil John’s face. Priceless. I’ll see if I can find the clip for you…

2. Introducing “Captain Cut-Off”

OK, so I know it’s kind of f’d up to make fun of little people. But when John Rich walked out with a tiny miniature pirate strapped to his chest like a baby, introducing his mascot friend, Two Foot Fred, as Captain Cut Off it made me laugh so hard I almost choked on my television-viewing snack. I know it’s not politically correct to laugh, but hey, the man’s getting paid, and there’s nothing funnier than a teeny-tiny pirate man.

3.  Nene and Donald Jr., Having a Serious Man-to-Koala Talk

How the Donald Jr. kept a straight face while talking to Koala NeNe, I’ll never know. She decides to have a heart-to-heart with Donald regarding LaToya‘s lack of management skills. She sees him, storms over and proceeds to rip off her koala head (not all the way though…she just popped her own head out of the koala suit head. Um…don’t you think the kiddies are going to crap themselves when they see an angry, two-headed koala marching through the streets of New York City?!)

Sure, the talk about LaToya needed to happen, but couldn’t it wait until each participant only had one head?

2) Sunscreen Sexy-Time

In what would surely win for the most awkward moment of tonight’s episode, Gary decided to let his loins do the talking during a meeting with the Australian Gold executive team. (This week’s challenge was to market sunscreen.)

During the meeting, execs are explaining the products to the guy’s team. Gary, for once, seems to be listening intensely, as the female exec talks about how the sunscreen is great for families and how teenage boys and their friends love it (admittedly, an odd statement on its own.) With all this talk about kids and family time, Gary feels the moment has come for him to announce that Australian Gold sun care products make him “feel sexual.” Yes, sunscreen makes my loins tingle too. It’s time someone came out and admitted it.

1) LaToya the Friendly Ghost

Oh NeNe…I must give it to you. You had the best line of the night. During an argument with LaToya, NeNe tells her, “I worked my ass off there while you sat there looking like Casper the Ghost! Run and hide Casper!” O….M…G…

I also loved Donald Trump’s comment earlier in the episode when LaToya volunteered to be the project manager for the sunscreen challenge. He goes, “Yes LaToya, I certainly  understand why you’d want to be in charge of a sunscreen challenge.”

LOL! I’m watching this crap next week!!