Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham has released her first single. Yes, apparently she sings now too. (And by “sings” I mean screeches into the microphone while some schmuck cranks up the autotune to drown out the horrific noise.)
Farrah was kind enough to give InTouch magazine a sneak preview of her debut album. Her single, called “Finally Getting Up From Rock Bottom” is most likely about the dark days she spoke of in her recent interview with the magazine. (Click here to read that article.)
OK, back to this train wreck. As bad as you think it’s going to be, nothing can prepare you for this sh*t-show.
Click here to listen.
In case you were having trouble understanding the lyrics, The Ashley is happy to translate for you:
“Dud.Dud. My stove is out of my ice cream. Sick of day-dreaming about Mark’s ding-a-ling. Now what I’ve had is to just take time to enjoy the moments while I’m in them. Them. I have no regrets for living in a cloud. Clever traffic on the highway but my eyes are up, up UP! My head’s on Thursday.”
I realize I only translated about half of the song, but honestly, I’d rather drag my face across a cheese grater than listen to it all the way through.
I never thought there would come a day where I would say we’ve found a worse singer than Miley Cyrus or Rebecca Black, but I think Farrah trumps them both.
Since we don’t know much about Farrah’s upcoming album, except that this horrorfest will be on it, The Ashley took it upon herself to go over the other tracks that need to be on Farrah’s album.
Track 01 “Whatever…Michael!”
Track 02 “Better Rack Than Maci”
Track 03 “Ballad of the Ugly Cry”
Track 04 “Why Can’t Puppies Pee in the Toilet” (A Very Touching Ballad)
Track 05 “Ain’t No Sunshine [When I’m Around]”
Track 06 “Mother With the Blue Wig On”
Track 07 “Smells Like Teen Mom”
As per usual, The Ashley will continue to post (and make fun of) any more of Farrah’s musical offerings, should they become available. If you’re feeling masochistic and want to purchase this crap, it’s available on Tunes, Spotify and Amazon MP3. It will be also be given to anyone who purchases Farrah’s E-book.
(Photo: Vennas Rogers)
UPDATE: Farrah’s entire album is now available on Amazon. You can listen to snippets of each “song” (I guess that’s what we’re calling them), and if you’re feeling really masochistic, you can also purchase her album using the link below.
19 Responses
That is the seriously the worst thing ever. Ouch.
God. My ears actually hurt. I couldn’t understand her at all, and her voice is unrecognizable thanks to the amounts of auto tune used on her voice. Please Farrah, your gift is probably modeling since you don’t need to talk and definitely don’t need to sing in order to succeed. Stick with that.
what the hell did i just listen to…
You’re right: it’s so much worse than you could ever imagine before you click “play.” The lyrics are really that terrible, and the sound…I couldn’t believe it. Why was this ever produced?!
Just reading the lyrics alone makes me go wtf? Now we have another Heidi Montag on our hands; great, just great.
Ummm… obviously the lyrics printed here are a joke. Just thought I would enlighten you on that.
I was really, really hoping the lyrics posted were a joke. But did you actually listen to the song? I only lasted 30 seconds or so, but from what I can tell those might actually be the real words. If not, whatever she is saying is not any better.
That has to be a joke…
I just played 24 seconds of this crap and my kitty LEFT THE ROOM! Anything to keep her 15 mins of fame going.
That was so much worse than I could imagine.
OH SWEET JESUS TAKE ME NOW!!!!!
Oh em gee… that is the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life!!
That made my 4 week old start screaming. Thanks Farrah, you scarred the kid for life -_-
She’s joking right???? My 4 year old said Mommy what is that???? Turn it off!!!!! I’m just at a loss for words!
Poor Farrah, she’s trying so hard to take advantage of the fame that MTV has given her. She knows her spotlight is almost up & so she’s created cooking shows & music tracks, even getting ugly & making a scene about paparazzi watching her; being a so called model. It’s not happening Farrah. U suck. Your a “beep” who whines & frowns all the time. Your not even pretty, and when you talk & try to act like your smarter than the average bear, you make yourself sound so much more ignorant than you normally do.
Is this a joke???? That is just F***ing HORRIBLE !!!!!
Even auto-tuning the hell out of it, it still sounded like absolute crap.
Oh my ears are bleeding!
Da. Fuq.