By Holly Rasmussen

We’re back for another two episodes of the trainwreck that is Kendra on Top. As you know from previous episodes, Kendra is in the middle of sorting out the details of her husband Hank’s alleged affair. This episode opens up with Kendra waiting on Hank to return from his trip to Austin. Hank comes in the door and Kendra is waiting to pounce and is ready for a fight. Kendra is angry that Hank told their mutual friend, Kyle, what happened involving his affair and has not told her anything.

Kendra confronts Hank and says, “Did you cheat on me? Was it worth? Was it worth it going out and f*cking a transsexual?” Hank says he did “not do the allegations against me.” (OK, but…did you “do” the transsexual? That’s the question!)

Kendra then asks Hank where these rumors came from if nothing happened. He just oddly keeps repeating that the allegations are not true. It all has a very Bill Clinton, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” vibe.

Kendra tells him no one believes him and their kids are going to grow up knowing their daddy cheated on their eight-months-pregnant mommy with a transsexual. Hank tries to calm her down but she keeps telling him he has a fetish and their life together is over. She also keeps calling him a hypocrite, but I’m not sure she knows what that word actually means because it doesn’t really seem to apply here.

The fighting all comes to a head when she throws a “best husband and dad” trophy and cuts her hand. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! Well, to be fair, I’m sure she would have thrown one of Hank’s sports trophies, if he had any from the last decade or so…

Of course, Kendra decides to take herself to urgent care for the cut, which allows them to cue up the dramatic music. The cut honestly doesn’t look that bad, but hey- they have to keep up the ratings!

As Kendra lies on her deathbed, gushing blood (or so they’d like you to believe), viewers can’t help but wonder where the hell Kendra’s newborn baby is during all of this. It appears she just left the baby at home so hopefully there is a nanny or something on staff that we didn’t see watching over her. But, to be fair, the baby’s a few months old now, so she can probably just take care of herself…

Kendra goes home and calls her mother, Party Patti, for support. Patti arrives to score some screen time and bash Hank. How can Kendra and little Hank have such good hair when Patti’s hair looks like the straw hair of a scarecrow? Kendra’s biological father must be running around out there somewhere with gorgeous thick locks, because Kendra sure as hell didn’t get her fab hair from Patti.

Anyway, Patti says she thinks Hank should have “come out with a statement.” What? Who talks like that? You need to give your wife a statement? Why don’t they just have a conversation like a normal couple?

Patti says it’s sad but she’s glad because she knew it would take something like this to bring her and Kendra back together. Well that’s nice, Patti! I’m glad your daughter’s marriage crumbling is working out in your favor.

The episode ends with Kendra saying she’s afraid her life is going to end up being like her mom’s. That is scary, Kendra.

The next episode starts a couple of days later and Hank still has not returned to the family home. Kendra goes to therapy to discuss the drama. Kendra says had everything she ever wanted and that she completely trusted Hank, but now that trust is destroyed. Apparently she and Hank only speak via text now and he ignores most of them.

Kendra tells her therapist that when she tries to ask Hank nicely about what happened, he doesn’t answer the texts. It then escalates to her texting things like, “Tell me what happened mother f*cker or I’ll kill you!” Well, that’s one way to get someone to open up to you.

After therapy, Kendra goes to lunch with her friend Jessica and Jessica’s husband Kyle. Remember, on last week’s episode it was revealed that Hank has told Kyle what happened regarding the alleged affair. Kendra asks Kyle what Hank told him, but Kyle just beats around the bush. He tells Kendra she needs to talk to Hank herself and that there’s “two sides to every story.” She should beat Kyle with the trophy until he tells her what Hank said. Now that would get some good ratings!

Kendra returns home, puts her kids to bed and then calls Hank to apologize for the mean texts. On the phone, Kendra and Hank agree that he will enter therapy as well. He also tells her he’s looking at apartments nearby. The episode ends with Kendra saying she wants to believe that her marriage isn’t over, but she’s not ready to forgive and let Hank move back in with her.

On the preview for next week, Kendra goes to meet with both Hugh Hefner and her biological father. That should be interesting! Maybe we can finally find out where her good hair genes come from.

Also is it creepy to anyone else that Kendra has most likely called both of these men “Daddy” at some point or another? Just sayin…

To read more of Holly’s ‘Kendra On Top’ recaps, click here!