Welcome to a very special episode of Counting On! On this week’s episode, we will see some of the Duggars head into the woods to take part in some sort of survival field trip. (This is the type of crap people do who have way too much time, no jobs and a whole hour of TV to fill!)

We start off with Jinger who is telling us about her “best friend” Jeremy. Last episode, Jinger and her BFF Jeremy decided to officially enter a courtship. While they may not be able to engage in any kind of hanky-panky just yet, this puts Jinger well on her way to getting fake-humped on a mini golf course by Jeremy someday! (The image of Jim Bob and Michelle doing this during an episode of 19 Kids and Counting is something that will forever haunt my nightmares, by the way…)

Speaking of ol’ JB and Michelle, they are heading over to Queen Jessa‘s mold castle, along with Jinger and Jeremy, to announce the couple’s big courting news. Jessa does her best to pretend that she didn’t already know about the courtship, while Ben just stands there, looking confused. (Can someone help Ben, please? Flashcards with plenty of pictures would work best.)

Jeremy explains that, while he’s not totally sure what courting is, he has been exposed to it before. Basically, he understands that he’ll be side-hugging and taking lots of cold showers until his wedding day.

The Dugs all celebrate the happy news with ice cream, and Jinger tells us that she’s just not that hungry these days. Ever since she promised her baby-maker to Jeremy, food isn’t just that interesting. Jessa suggests that Jinger’s sudden lack of hunger may be due to her planning to fit into her wedding dress. As she says this, Ben just stands there, looking confused. (Seriously, can someone please help Ben? Anyone?)

Ben and Jessa reflect on the day that they started courting because…well…an hour is a long time to fill up unless you are having a Sierra party or birthing a baby or whatnot. We are forced to rewatch clips of a stuttering Ben ask the Duggars if he can have Jessa, while sitting in a creepy coat closet.

Jeremy explains that he’s planning to save “the physical” for marriage, and although Jinger seems to know that this is her only choice, she does look a teeny bit disappointed when Jeremy says that. He explains that heading down the Path of Fornication would just be too difficult, because he doesn’t want to keep getting blue balls along the way.

The other Duggar kids explain the family’s courtship rules: side hugs only (because frontal hugs sometimes allow your no-nos to touch!) no holding hands or kissing.

“We can enjoy each other in that season,” Jeremy tells the group. “Right now is a season for getting to know one another’s hearts.”

While Jeremy makes a lot of sense, must he always sound like he is trying to pitch you life insurance or something? He sounds really rehearsed every time we hear him speak.

Ben offers to serve as a chaperone on Jinger and Jeremy’s dates, provided he is given ample supplies of ice cream.

It must be really weird for a man like Jeremy, who is almost 30 and is a former professional athlete, to know that he must employ someone like Ben, a teenager who probably still laughs at fart jokes, in order to go out on a date with his girlfriend.

Jeremy and Jinger tells us that they are putting their relationship on the fast track.

“Fast track is always better,” Jinger says.

They must be very eager to get to that next, um, “season” of their relationship (not to mention another season of this horrible show)!

Next, Jeremy and Jinger head back to the Duggar Compound to celebrate the courtship. The whole family is there (except for Jill and Derick, of course, who are busy swatting away Zika-infected mosquitoes and dodging pumas down in the jungles of Central America). Joy tells us that since Jinger has been in love, she’s basically been useless in the kitchen, so her and poor Jana have had to pick up the slack on all of the chores, cooking and child-rearing.

Of course, Michelle is always there to take on the bulk of the work.

HaHa! Just kidding!

During dinner, Ben tells Jeremy that when he first got with Jessa, he lost a bunch of weight in one week.

Yup, he basically lost everything from the waist down. Jessa now keeps that part of Ben in a Mason jar in their bedroom, and only takes it out when it’s time to make a new “blessing.”

Jinger wants to tell Jill and Derick her good news, but they’re on “missions work” so they have to do it via Skype. Jinger rings up Jill’s coconut phone in the jungle, and proudly announces that she and Jeremy are courting. Derick and Jill aren’t surprised– after all, Jinger tells us, she was quite taken by Jeremy when they were both down in Central America doing “missions work” together. She was so smitten, in fact, that she wasn’t even able to concentrate on converting the heathens, because she kept sneaking peeks at Jeremy!

Jill encourages them to make their engagement quick, because… well….babies.

The next day, Jessa and Ben decide that they’re going to go pump iron together. Jessa is all suited up in workout pants (with a skirt over it, naturally). They head to the Duggar Compound, where the boys have a gym set up. Ben straps The Spurge onto his back and proceeds to do a weird workout.

Ben tells Jessa that he wants to put on some sort of ministry/football camp for some local poor people. Ben says that he’ll call up the Duggar’s pro football player pal, Mr. Steve, to see if he wants to help with the camp.

Meanwhile, some of the older Duggar kids are heading off to a wilderness survival camp. Jana, John-David, Jinger, Joseph, Jason, Joy, Josiah, Jeremiah and Jedidah will all be going to Missouri to slum it (Jill and Derick style) for a few days and learn how to survive without the comforts of a bunk bed and tater tot casserole. Joy is thrilled, because she feels the skills she’ll learn here will help her should she ever have to go slum it for Jesus down in the jungle like Jill.

Jinger isn’t thrilled about going to the woods without cell service. She’d rather stay home and doodle “J+J= Luv 4-Eva” all over her journal, but…hey, she signed a TLC contract so she has to go.

Everyone is tired of being locked in a camper and listening to Jinger and Jeremy whisper PG-rated sweet nothings via Skype to each other. By the time they reach the campsite, the idea of sleeping in a stick-covered teepee sounds better than listening to Jinger’s baby talk to most of the Duggars.

Back in Arkansas, Mr. Steve comes to talk about Ben’s football camp idea. (For some reason Mr. Steve is all dressed up like he works in the Young Men’s department at the Target.) Ben tells him about the camp he wants to put on, and Mr. Steve agrees to help.

We meet a bunch of grisly looking fellas who will be leading the Duggars around and teaching them survival skills. The main guy tells us that he thinks the girls are crazy for trying to do this camp in their skirts and sandals, but apparently the Baby Jesus protects you from chiggers and biting ants, so they should be OK.

We sit through them cooking dinner, making fire and sleeping in a camper and/or teepee. It’s a bigger yawnfest than having to watch Jessa shop for baby-proofing materials last episode.

Meanwhile, in the jungle, Derick is discussing how violent and generally awful the place that they live is. Not only do they have to worry about critters, disease and wild animals, but they also have to watch out and make sure that no heathens kidnaps them or Israel.

Jessa tells us that it’s unfortunate that Jill and Derick have to worry about their kid being in an unsafe place.

UM…here’s a thought!? How about not bringing your infant to a war-torn, dangerous country until he’s at least a few years old? Certainly there are some heathens you can convert in the good ol’ US of A until Israel is a bit older, no?

“It’s a very unsafe place to be,” Jessa tells us.

“Kidnappings, rapes, murders, those are realities that people here have to face on a daily basis,” Derick tells us.

UM!?!?! What the hell are these people thinking? Get your kid out of there, bro!

Jill says that them being in a dangerous place means that they have had to discuss what happens if she dies/gets kidnapped/is forced by heathens to wear pants. Derick says that despite all this, he’s happy to be in the jungle because it’s God’s will…or something.

Next week, Jill and Derick talk about having another baby…of course.

To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode of ‘Counting On,’ click here!

(Photos: TLC)