It’s time to catch back up with Kendra and the gang!

Obviously, there was no recap of last week’s episodes of Kendra On Top so allow us to fill you in on what you missed. Kendra’s back-from-the-dead mom Patti came to blows with Kendra’s BFF Jessica. Kendra was having anxiety about appearing in her upcoming Las Vegas play because, well, she’s a terrible actress. Also, Patti scored a cool $10k in advance to start writing her tell-all book about Kendra.

We catch back up with Kendra while she’s running lines for her Vegas show. She tells us that her acting chops “need a little polishing.”

Um…that’s the understatement of the century. That’s like saying Patti could use “a little” moisturizer on her face.

“I’m not Meryl Streep yet, but I’m on my way,” Kendra says. “My whole career has been based on my looks, or my boobs, or being whoever’s girlfriend. I’m definitely a little out of my element, but I’m not gonna show it.”

Meanwhile, Kendra’s brother, Colin, arrives at Patti’s home to tell her he’s mad that she’s still trying to write this dang book about Kendra even though it is tearing apart his whole family.

Patti defends herself.

“It’s my time to tell my story,” Patti insists.

Newsflash: People barely care what Kendra has to say. They certainly don’t give a hoot what the hell her mom’s “story” is.

Colin, who is the only person in this family circus with any sense, throws it back at his mom.

“You want to tell your story? Then just get a journal,” he tells her.

In.The.Face.

Colin asks Patti if giving up contact with her grandkids is worth $10,000. She doesn’t know what to say.

Back at rehearsals, Kendra learns that she has to kiss her costar in the play. She says this is going to be difficult for her because she doesn’t like kissing anyone, not even poor hapless Hank.

“I can’t even do that with my own husband behind closed doors, she says. “My worst nightmare is a wet kiss.”

Well, that and not having her reality TV contract renewed, of course…

After rehearsal, Kendra goes back to her hotel room to Skype her dad, GrandDude. During the conversation GrandDude takes the opportunity to trash his ex-wife, Patti. He tells Kendra that Patti has always been after fame.

“If you really look at it, why would anyone want to read a book about your mother?” he asks Kendra. “You’re the celebrity, not her.”

While GrandDude is right about Patti, he probably shouldn’t be accusing people of being around Kendra just to be famous. Just sayin’…

GrandDude tells Kendra that he will be flying in from his home in Singapore to attend every night of her show.

Meanwhile, Patti is meeting with her young ‘n’ hip friends (aka the production assistants who drew the short straws and got stuck pretending to be Patti’s pals). Patti’s delusional friend, who is also named Patty, says Patti doesn’t owe Kendra anything because “she’s the mom.”

Later, Kendra calls Patti and invites her to the opening night of her show. Patti doesn’t know if she can be in the same room with GrandDude, since she hasn’t seen him in 20 years. She keeps referring to him as “the sperm donor,” which upsets Kendra.

Kendra tries to call Hank to whine about her dysfunctional family, but he is too busy to talk to her.

“I have to work and she’s never dealt with that before,” Hank says.

The next day, Patti and Other Patty go to the car dealership to buy a luxury car.

“I used some of the (book) money to put down on this new car,” Patti says. “Now is my time. Why not treat myself to a new car?”

Well, your broom has been getting you around just fine thus far, Patti, why change things now?

Patti pulls out of the dealership in a brand-new BMW with a giant bow on the top with Other Patty riding shotgun.

Back in Vegas, Kendra is rethinking her decision to leave her kids and husband for five months to do a show. She calls Hank for reassurance, and Hank basically tells her, “I told you so.”

A few days later, Hank, the nanny, and the kids finally decide to head to Vegas to visit Kendra. It’s been lonely for Kendra in her big Vegas condo, and she desperately tries to get Hank and the kids to stay but they’re like, yeah, no thanks, lady. She tries to ply the kids with sugar, hoping to buy their love via Pixie Stick.

Meanwhile, Patti calls her book publisher and tells her she has started on the second chapter of the book. She says that she will put stuff in the book about what went on at the Playboy Mansion.

What the hell could Patti possibly write that would shock anyone? Kendra banged an old guy to become famous?

Patti is quite proud that she’s already written a good portion of her book.

“Now that I’ve got these two chapters under my belt, I’m kind of an author,” Patti says.

Hooked on Phonics worked for her!

The book publisher, Judith, says she wants to talk to Kendra. (Side note- Judith actually published the book that Kendra’s Vegas play is based on. What a coincidence!)

Judith thinks that if she goes to the show and talks to Kendra, she will be able to convince her to let Patti write the book.

Next week, Judith shows up to talk to Kendra, Jessica and Patti get into another fight, and Patti and GrandDude come face-to-face for the first time in over 20 years. And, of course, Kendra prepares to stink up the stage during her Las Vegas debut.

To read our previous ‘Kendra On Top’ recap, click here!

(Photos: WEtv)