Note from The Ashley: Happy Holidays, Roundupers! The Ashley saw this amazing ‘Teen Mom 2’-themed literary masterpiece floating around online and felt that her readers needed to see it! This ‘Teen Mom 2’-themed version of “‘Twas The Night Before Christmas” was written by Anna, who generously gave The Ashley permission to print it here on The Roundup back in 2017! She felt it was worthy to bring back again this year!
Enjoy this fun version of the Christmas classic, “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” starring ‘Teen Mom 2’ stars Jenelle Evans, David Eason and, of course, Kieffer Delp!
The Story of St. Kieffer
’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through The Land™
Not a soulmate was stirring, not even Courtland
The Easons were all ready with feathers in their hair
In hopes that St. Kieffer soon would be there
The baby daddies were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of child support danced in their heads
Jenelle in her court heels, with David in her lap
Had just settled down for a pot-induced nap
When out on the yard there arose such a clatter
David sprang from the bed to see what the matter was
He prepared to hand out the next Cease and Desist
He burst out the door and threw up his fist
In his old leather boots he was ready for rakin’
He stomped through the sod, what a mess he was makin’!
When, what to his wide manic eyes should appear
But a beat-up old car, pulled by eight reindeer!
With an unlicensed driver, and in need of repair
He knew in that moment St. Kieffer was there
More classier than any soulmate he arrived
And brought with him twelve bags of kush to provide;
“Now, Kaiser! Now, Sophia! Now, Bentley and Lincoln! On, Gracie! On, Allie! On, Ensley and Watson!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
Like drones in the air, the reindeer did fly
Their bells could be heard from up in the sky
So right to The Land™ the reindeer then flew
With the sleigh full of cigarettes, and St. Kieffer too
And then, in a twinkling, Jenelle heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof
As Jenelle called for babe, and was turning around
Through the modular chimney St. Kieffer came down
He was dressed all in green, from his head to his foot
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot
A bundle of cannabis he had flung on his back
He looked like a street dealer opening his pack
His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
The smirk of his mouth was drawn up like a bow
And his hoodie was covered in fresh winter snow
The stump of a joint he held tight in his teeth
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath
He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of Jenelley
He was hungover and stoned, a right jolly old Delp
Jenelle laughed when she saw him, quite hungover herself
With a twitch of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon caused her to know from the law he just fled;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
He filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk
And laying his finger right under his nose
After doing a bump, up the chimney he rose
He sprang to his car, to his team gave a whistle
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle
But they heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight
“BEIN’ A FELON AIN’T ILLEGAL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!”
(Photo: MTV)
40 Responses
Thank you!!!! ????
Merry Christmas
uh this is weird and gross w
?Nadolig llawen ?
Never gets old!
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You’re articles are so good! You really do need a job with CNN or FOX or something! You’ve got skills!
Omfg I’m recovering from a c section and laughing is so painful. I have tears streaming down my face from laughter and pain. ?
Merry Christmas to you all.
@theAshley, another awesome recap
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Omggggggg this was great! Janelle herself would have to admit this was good!
Stay lit Kieffer, forever and always.
Your bro, Sir Nibs
I’ve missed you sir nibs. My Christmas is now lit.
Merry Christmas everyone.
It was the best tale I heard.
Mery Christmas the Ashley and all the roundupers!
This never gets old! Sadly I think the saint kieffer part is correct. He was an addict BUT more likable then any of her other soulmates.
That was amazing! Merry Christmas Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to you all.
The Ashley is the gift that keeps giving–year round! Thanks for always brightening the day with your wit and humor.
Merry Christmas Ashley.
Should have thrown in Kailyn.
Kail aka the hulk all green with jel-ous-Eee. She sprung out of her bed to see if it was Jo,Javi, or ,Chris. Her favorite Lux still tucked in bed. The other 2, who cares?
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Keifffaaaaaaaaaaaa ?
I don’t know who had the time to come up with this, but I’m sure glad they did! Hysterical!
St. Kieffer’s team of 8 spry Teen-Mom-Baby-Name reindeer are going to have to work EXTRA hard tonight. Not only will they have to try to navigate TheLand Fortress & Artillery Range™ without catching a stray bullet, but most importantly they will need to GET St. Kieffuh on that sleigh to begin with! He’s currently serving time behind bars in Pennsylvania, so I hope the reindeer have been watching Prison Break re-runs to get some ideas.
If he does make it out, I wish the team the best of luck and encourage them to take heed of David’s recent photo caption “….I hope and pray that nobody ever tries to trespass on my property as they will be met with fire and fury, the likes of which they have never seen before.” Just make sure to “identify yourself” at the gate, and you should be good to go!
Merry Christmas to TheAshley and all my fellow readers! I hope everyone’s stockings are stuffed with PotHeadHairCare, waist trainers, and Flat Tummy Tea!
I finally got to see the ex files and Kieffer lives in pittsburgh very close to me. I’m so excited and want to find him so bad!
Oh, Ronarrhea, I have good news and bad news: while Kieffer is no longer in Pittsburgh city limits, he’s a short 47 mile drive away. Just make sure to call ahead for visiting hours at Fayette County Correctional Institution.
He’s probably in your local prison.
Omg this was the best Christmas present I never knew I wanted.
This was awesome, and so damn clever.
Good. Pure gold.
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AMAAZING. Who is Allie though? Nathan’s daughter?
Leah’s twin with the medical condition.
They probably meant Ali.
damn a bunch of downvotes cause I didn’t know who the hell Allie was. assholes.
That’s the good old Christmas spirit, Luis!
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I’ve always been a fan of the Snoop Dogg “Twas the Nizzle before Chrismizzle”, but this just blew poor Snoop out of the snow. 10/10 would read to their family on Christmas night again.
I have seriously never laughed so hard in my life!!! You are awesome, Anna. This made my Christmas.
I saw it on twitter and it is really amazing. I think Kieffer has laughed so hard while he read this. He’s a good sport. Great job author!!
That was very creative. I loved it! Merry Christmas!
I saw this on the forum the other night. Truly amazing!
Thank you, Ashley!
David’s probably going to fill your street with uppercut though.
This was amazing
Warms my heart. I need some nog to read it again.