It’s time to catch up with those crazy newlyweds on TLC’s 90 Day Fiance!

First we catch up with Nicole and Azan. Nicole is going to a restaurant to try and convince her skeptical family that it’s a good idea for her to travel to Morocco to marry this man who obviously doesn’t want anything to with her. Nicole’s stepdad, Joe, and her mom, Robbalee, are not here for it. (Go figure!)

‘“She’s making a bad mistake. We don’t know what she’s getting herself into,” Joe says. “Who is this guy? We don’t know.”

Hell– even Nicole doesn’t know!

Joe tells us that Nicole “can be a very smart individual” but that she is “very ignorant of the world.”

You don’t say, Joe? We never would have guessed.

Nicole tells us that in the end she doesn’t care what her parents think, she’s going to fly to Morocco with her young daughter and marry this man, regardless if they want him to (or even if Azan wants her to!)

Joe wants to know why Azan can’t get a job and why Nicole is sending him money.

“You were stupid to even do something like this,” Joe says. “All he’s doing is milking you for money.”

Nicole breaks down in tears. Joe says he knows something is up because “there’s no affection there at all” between her and Azan. Robbalee begs Nicole to at least leave May with them when she goes to Morocco, but Nicole refuses.

Instead of telling Nicole she is crazy, Robbalee takes her to look at wedding dresses. She’s figures if Nicole’s going to marry some random foreign mooch, she may as well look good doing it! Once they get there, Nicole informs Robbalee that she will be buying Nicole the dress and the budget is $2,000.

(UM?!)

Nicole is trying on strapless, cleavage baring dresses left and right. She tells her mom that she can wear it in Morocco and doesn’t have to follow the modesty customs. (Apparently Morocco has some “desperate American” exceptions in their laws that we don’t know about?)

Robbalee ponies up the money for the dress even thought Azan still hasn’t agreed to the wedding.

I think that’s nice…

Next, we catch up with Anfisa and Jorge. Following their separation, Jorge has moved back into the apartment with Anfisa and Anfisa tells us, in her robot voice, that she’s still mad that Jorge insinuated at the tell-all reunion that she’s a cam girl.

What does one do when they need to apologize for telling people that their wife shows her Russian hoo-ha on the Internets for cash? Go to couples’ counseling, of course!

“I think Jorge is coming to counseling just to please me,” she says. “I don’t think Jorge truly understands that I’m in pain and I’m hurt.”

Anfisa tells the counselor that they need to work on Jorge’s lying. (Apparently telling Russian girls that you’re a millionaire in order to woo them over to America isn’t acceptable behavior in Anfisa’s book.)

“I’m the kind of person that doesn’t like to break people’s hearts so I would rather lie to them than tell them the truth sometimes,” Jorge says.

Anfisa also says she wants Jorge to stop trashing her to his family. She also says she feels very lonely here. Jorge says he wants to do what he can to earn her trust back. It seems like these two are making big improvements in their relationship…until they get into a big fight on the way home from counseling and Jorge tells the producer that he forgot what he learned in counseling minutes before.

So it’s basically business as usual with these this dumpster-fire-of-a-relationship!

Later, we check in with Paola and Russ. Paola is going to meet up with her old friend, Juan. As you may remember, Juan doesn’t like Russ because he “took Paola away” from him. (Does anyone else think that Juan and Paola just need to bang it out once to get rid of their sexual tension and then things will be better? Just me? Ok….)

We are treated to a flashback of when Juan met Russ in Miami. Apparently Juan called Russ fat and said he didn’t have respect for their relationship. Meow, Juan!

Juan tells Paola that he doesn’t like Russ because he made her move to Oklahoma where she was very sad. He says he’s never going to like Russ. Paola tells Juan that she and Russ are trying for a baby and that he must respect their family. Juan cries that he never will. Paola says she wants the two of them to meet up and try mend their relationship…on-camera, of course!

The next night, Paola gets Russ and Juan to agree to meet for dinner. Juan immediately flips off Russ.

Russ asks Juan if he wants to break them up and Juan says he does. (Well, he at least gets a point or two for being honest!)

Paola and Juan walk to the restroom. Juan tells her that he’s mad because Russ treats her like a slave.

Now hold up a second. Paola decided she wanted to move to Miami so she can model cheap swapmeet lingerie on the Instagram, and Russ not only agrees but quits his job and moves with her. He is constantly trying to make her happy. It’s slavery at its finest, people!

Juan returns to the table and tells Russ that ever since he came in to Paola’s life she hasn’t been happy. Paola returns to the table and Juan asks her why she married Russ. Paola says Juan must accept the fact that she’s married to Russ. Juan gives her an ultimatum and says she must choose between them. Something tells me this will not end well for ol’ Juan.

Speaking of things not ending well, it’s time to catch up with Chantel and Pedro. They are still on vacation with “The Family Chantel.” However, it’s hardly a vacation for Pedro, since The Family Chantel has spent the entire time they’ve been at the Lil’ Cabin ‘o’ Horrors plotting to take out Pedro and his greedy ass family.

Of course, The Family Chantel has every reason to be leery of Pedro. After all, while on the vacation, Pedro proceeded to get sloshed one night and blurt out that he plans to go back to the Dominican Republic…without his wife.

“I drunk, you know? I spilled the beans at the winery,” Pedro tells us. “I wish I no tell Chantel family that I going back to the DR.”

Chantel’s mother suspects that Pedro and his family are part of some weird marriage ring. She says she saw that Pedro’s mother, Lydia, has a website where she “finds stupid Americans to match with a person on the island in order to harvest the American dollar.”

I think that’s nice…

Pedro is shocked that she knows this.

“You can read Spanish very well,” he tells her.

Chantel said she knew Lydia was an immigration lawyer but she didn’t know anything about this weird dollar harvesting marriage site.

Pedro tries to tell them that’s not what his mother does but then he finally admits, “My mother finds the people that get married for the money.”

Pedro may, indeed, be the worst liar on this show. And that’s certainly saying something! The Family Chantel doesn’t need to spend money on a private investigator. They can just buy Pedro a box of cheap wine and he’ll rat out himself eventually!

Pedro is not happy that The Family Chantel is investigating him.

“I think something is wrong in the head of The Family Chantel” and storms off to his room.

Later, (it may be the next day, or the next week–who knows?– this cabin trip from hell is never-ending), Pedro calls his family to warn them that The Family Chantel is going to investigate them. Pedro’s sister says she thinks they’re crazy and bad.

Later, the whole gang wraps themselves in their furs and heads off for a hike…which may or may not just be a cover to murder Pedro and bury his body in the woods.

They try to talk to Pedro in the car but he tells them to stop because he needs space. Pedro tells Chantel that this trip is making him sick. (Perhaps he got a glimpse of the large supply of trash bags and shovels in the backseat?)

After the trip, they make dinner at the cabin. Chantel’s brother, River, immediately starts asking questions about Pedro and Chantel’s relationship.

“River bother me everytime,” Pedro says.

Pedro tells River that it’s none of his business. Chantel’s mother is still going on about harvesting the American dollar. (I think she is really excited to keep using the new term she learned on the Interwebs.)

Pedro gets fed up and leaves the table. Apparently, TLC is going to drag this trip out for three episodes!

Our next couple to check in on is Molly and Luis. Molly is still on her lingerie-hawking business trip and Luis is at the house with Molly’s daughter, Kinsley. After Luis told her he didn’t want to watch Kinsley, and he begged Molly to send the kid to her father’s house, Molly started to get the feeling that Luis didn’t want to babysit his stepdaughter.

She called her mother Vicky to come over and basically babysit Kinsley and Luis. The trio gets all bundled up to go out in the snow because Luis has never seen snow before. Grandma is hoping that he will play and bond with Kensley. Luis dons a fur a coat (that we can assume he borrowed from Chantel’s mother) and stays outside for a few minutes, but then gets bored.

“I don’t want to do the job like a stepdad,” Luis tells Vicky.

Molly finally comes home from peddling bras or whatever the hell it was that she was doing. She confronts Luis about being a terrible stepdad.

Luis says, “all of this is too much for me,” and he suggests that Molly “work on her attitude.”

That goes over as well as you’d expect.

Molly is mad because she “signed on to have a husband, a partner a confidant” and didn’t get it.

Um…girl…this Lump ‘o’ Loser has been telling you for months he doesn’t want to be a father/husband/partner. Did you have a lace thong stuffed in your ear this entire time or what?!

“I don’t want to be with someone who is not 100 percent into it,” Molly tells him. “It’s not fair to me or my kids.”

Molly says the chemistry between her and Luis is gone.

“Do you want to fire me out again?” Luis asks her.

We have to wait until next week to see if Molly “fires” Luis again from his stepdad duties.

Finally, we check in with David and Annie. David is meeting his daughter, Ashley, for dinner.

“I think Ashley’s biggest issue is that I did bring back a very young fiance,” David says.

No, David, your daughter is mad because you haven’t been in your children’s lives for years, and now that you’ve brought home a random 20-something girl to be your wife, you want to play “happy family.”

David is still salty that Ashley told Annie that he cheated on his first wife multiple times. He then accuses Ashley of “trying to break them up.” Ashley says she doesn’t think David has feelings because he “has a d*ck.” Ashley storms out of the restaurant and leaves David there probably wondering how he’s going to pay the bill.

Next week, all hell breaks loose. Molly kicks Luis out and the cops are called. Russ and Juan get into a fight. River and Pedro get into a fight. Anfisa and Jorge get into a fight. Pedro’s sister comes to visit and Nicole finds out that Azan might be cheating on her.

To read our recap of the previous episode, click here!

(Photos: TLC)