Yeee—haw! Grab yer cowboy hat (and your Duggar-sized box of antacid) because on this episode of Counting On, we’re headin’ to the Laredo County Fair to watch Jeremy show off his ability to pelvic thrust and ride things. Giddyap!

We will also be treated to what may be the most vanilla triple date ever executed (hint: it takes place in a thrift store), and watch as the Duggars host a joint Sip & See for Kendra and Joy… as in Sip & See what they’ll be doing with the next 15+ years of their lives. (Hint: birthing out a bevy o’ blessings.)

The episode kicks off at Jessa’s House ‘o’ Mold. Jessa tells us she and Ben have invited Lauren, Josiah, Joe and Kendra over for a “thrift store date night.” She explains that each of the gals will be choosing an outfit from the thrift store rack for their man, while each of the guys will choose something for his “lady helpmeet” to wear.

#ThingsYouDoWhenYouDontOwnATV

To make things really exciting (we’re talking “Joy gets new glasses” level of excitement here, people!), the Dugs aren’t even going to make Jana wash the thrift store clothes before they wear them!

One of the best parts of this crapisode is when the producers tell Jinger and Jeremy about the thrift store date idea. When Jeremy learns his in-laws are going to wear the dirty clothes without washing the former owners’ um… “spurgeon”…off of them first, he makes the same face he did when he tried Jim Bob’s barbecued tuna!

Before heading out, Jessa marvels at the fact that all of the couples being subjected to this storyline are at different stages of their relationship. Joe and Kendra joke that Josiah and Lauren no longer need a Bible in between them on the couch now that they’re engaged, which would be funny if it weren’t probably true.

Having couples in different stages also allows Jessa to be able to expel her wisdom about marriage to the younger girls. As we all know, there’s nothing Jessa likes more than being the most-knowledgeable person in a room. (Why else do you think she married Ben?)

Jessa explains the rules of this nightmare of a date night. Each person can spend $20 to see how much more ridiculous they can make their significant other look. Each person will then be forced to wear whatever their spouse (or almost-spouse) chose for them to dinner.

Two newlyweds who are not participating in the thrift store date night are Joy and Austin. They have no time to wear dirty used clothes for sport, given that they just welcomed their first child, Baby Gideon (or, as The Ashley likes to call him “Baby Motel Bible.”)

Joy says life as a new mom is fun. (Well…her mouth says that but her face says that she wishes she were anywhere but where she actually is.) She says it’s much better now that she’s finally able to get out and do things (like mow the lawn) after recovering from her C-section delivery.

In between painting a fence, building a shed and retiling the kitchen, Joy helps Austin give Gideon a bath in the kitchen sink. While getting the baby ready for a Duggar scrubbin’, Austin brags to the producers about all the diapers he changed while Joy was recovering from child birth. (I mean, that’s the least he could do considering Joy probably built that changing table by hand.)

Because Joy’s standards for men are about as low as the chances of a Duggar woman having a career, she commends Austin for stepping up after their blessing was ripped from her body. (Does anyone else think that Austin probably kept a tally sheet of how many of his son’s diapers he changed so that he would know how much Joy “owes him” for doing her work while she was laid up?)

Since motherhood appears to be all rainbows and tater-tot casserole for Joy, the producers ask her if she could imagine having 18 more kids, to which she says she couldn’t.

“I want more kids, but I don’t even know how my mom did it,” she said.

One word: JANA.

Over in Texas, Jinger and Jeremy (in freshly laundered clothes, we assume), head to the Laredo County Fair to smell some livestock, eat artificially-flavored foods and make the locals wonder why a camera crew is following two random white people.

Jinger says that, because she’s “with blessing,” her sense of smell is heightened. Still, she’s a trooper and agrees to go into the livestock barn to sniff goats, cows and other assorted animals. (To be fair, the barn still probably smells a hell of a lot better than the Boys’ Bunker at the Duggar house!)

Next, Jing and Jerm try some candy that’s been coated in liquid nitrogen. Jinger gets a kick out of seeing smoke come out of her mouth as she eats the freezing treat. While it seems dangerous to eat a chemical that dermatologists use to burn people’s warts off, Jing and Jer survive and seem to be really enjoying their “Dragon’s Breath” dessert.

Back in Arkansas, it’s finally time for the much-anticipated thrift store date. The clan storms the local charity shop in search of super-cool clothes for their soulmate to wear. As we know, Duggars love them some thrift store shopping, so Jessa is practically foaming at the mouth to get her mitts on those unwashed garments!

Ben looks downright scared that he will chose something that Jessa doesn’t like. (She’s probably saving a few of her dollars to purchase a broom to beat Ben with, in case he chooses wrong.)

The group splits up by gender, with the girls zeroing on the men’s section. Meanwhile, the guys look lost (probably because they are wondering where the “denim skirt” section of the store is). The men seem to have the more difficult task, since they not only have to find a fashionable outfit for their girl to wear, but they also have to make sure it’s modest enough and not something that looks like it was made by Omar the Tentmaker.

Ben hones in on the safe choice: a denim dress. He scoops up everything he can find made of denim and asks Josiah for help in choosing one of the frocks.

Ben has his heart set on one denim dress, but decides against it when Josiah advises him that the dress looks like a blue jean Hefty bag. (That would have certainly earned Ben at least 10 broom lashings had he purchased it for Jessa!)

Josiah is unable to find something “fantabulous” for Lauren because evidently, she has unusually short arms. Josiah doesn’t want to piss off his bride-to-be so he goes with a patterned dress with long sleeves. (We can assume the sleeves are there to hide Lauren’s T-rex arms?)

He is also eyeing a pair of matching fuzzy blue slippers that will allow Lauren to go “slippin’ around town.” Ben warns Josiah that used slippers probably don’t smell so great, so naturally Josiah decides to go in for a whiff (twice) to find out.

AS.YOU.DO.

Elsewhere in the store, Kendra and Joe wander aimlessly, equally unsure of each other’s exact sizes or tastes. Of course, that’s what happens when you marry someone you’ve known less than a year.

Jessa basically instructs the other girls to buy “grandpa” clothes for their men. Lauren agrees (and Kendra giggles in agreement). Jessa chooses a cardigan for Ben, while Kendra picks out an pastel yellow sweater vest for her beloved Joe.

Lauren, that thrifty shopper, realizes that she has a few bucks left over after buying Josiah his grandpa outfit so she decides to spring for a $4 “prank outfit” for Josiah. She purchases a ratty bathrobe and sleep pants. Kendra giggles at the thought of Josiah thinking he has to wear the bedtime apparel to dinner.

CAN YOU IMAGINE!?

Elsewhere in Duggar Land, Joy and Austin are adjusting to life as parents. They’ve discovered that teen parenthood is not as glamorous or fun as MTV tries to make it out to be. Joy looks miserable and exhausted, while Austin looks annoyed. (They both, for the record, look like they could use a good bath.)

Unfortunately, though, Baby Motel Bible is the only Forsyth getting a hose-off on this day. Joy and Austin bathe the baby in the sink, Later, footage of an interview with Austin plays. Austin tells us that marriage is probably not what Josiah and Lauren are expecting.

“I can see why the divorce rate is so high,” he continues.

So….it sounds like things are stellar in the Forsyth house!

Austin adds that it’s important to not take your spouse for granted. In other words, be grateful and kind to your wife after she re-shingles the roof of your house while nine months pregnant.

A few miles away, the thrift store gang arrives back at the house with their purchases.

Kendra and Joe approach each other, and Kendra giggles as she asks Joe if he was naughty or nice. Joe blushes and says he’s been nice.

They’re talking about their thrift store outfits, right? RIGHT!?

The couples hand off their respective plastic grocery bags of clothes and the guys are the first to model the looks that their women have chosen for them. Ben and Joe come out wearing their “old man sweaters,” while Josiah rocks his “prank” outfit of the bathrobe and pajama bottoms. He says he’s “freaking out” at the thought of having to wear this to dinner.

CAN YOU IMAGINE?!

“Sometimes it’s easier to dish it out than to take it,” Jessa says. (We can assume she’s talking about both pranks and tater tot casserole.)

Finally, Lauren reveals that she’s just joshin’ Josiah (no pun intended), and that she has a real outfit for him. Josiah looks relieved and goes to change into his outfit, which comes complete with bowtie. (I’m almost certain that his outfit was  what the groomsmen wore for one of the Duggar girls’ weddings.)

Next it’s the girls’ turn to work the faux-hardwood-floor runway and the three come out revealing their outfits.

Jessa is proudly modeling her denim dress (and you know she’s just dying to brag to the other girls about how much her man knows her style because they’ve been married for soooo long). Kendra comes out looking like she’s wearing Fundie sleepwear. Lauren looks good in her dress (with added length thanks to some sort of smock). You almost don’t even notice her T-rex arms!

We swing back over to Texas, where Jeremy has decided to try his hand at rodeo life by taking a turn on a mechanical bull. Pregnant Jinger is sitting this venture out, and keeps moving backward. We soon know why she wanted to get as far away as possible.

Jeremy climbs up on the bull and proceeds to thrust furiously, yelling “Come on, Maximo! Come on, Maximo!” During this, he grunts and contorts his face, and gives us a pretty good idea of what Jinger was looking up at on her wedding night.

Jeremy actually does pretty well riding the bull. (However, we all know that Michelle is the ‘Counting On’ star with the best “riding” skills…)

We get a rare glimpse of the producers and camera crew during this scene. An assortment of them are shown, collapsing in giggles (Kendra-style) as they witness Jeremy ride Maximo like his spiritual life depends on it.

The producers then ask some of the Duggars who in the family would be the best bull rider. Jackson seems to be the majority vote, for some reason.

Again, it’s Michelle, guys. Michelle is OBVIOUSLY the best “rider” in the family. Right, Jim Bob?

Of course, though, Austin says he would be the best. He also states that he’s the only one with enough balls to get on a bull.

Insert eye roll here.

We head back to Duggar Land to check in on the triple date one more time. The group is all dressed (and soaking up those strangers’ juices), and marching into a restaurant for dinner. Naturally, all of the men want to order chicken fingers. (They may be dressed like old men, but they have the mentality of a seven-year-old!)

Soon, talk at the table shifts to Josiah and Lauren’s wedding plans and we learn that the couple has already nailed down their venue and wedding colors. They say they have 114 days until they tie the knot and the other couples are taken aback by this “long” engagement.

Jessa is eager to spew marriage advice, as per usual. She tells the almost-newlyweds not to internalize things. (Translation: if your husband leaves his toys out, don’t hesitate to tell him he’s not allowed to have dessert for the rest of the week.)

Later at the Duggar Compound, Jana is hard at work (shocker) putting together a Sip & See for Kendra and Joy. Jana says they are expecting at least 100 people at this event, which is child’s play compared to some of the tasks she’s been in charge of in the past, such as raising every sibling that was born after her.

After watching the male Duggar goons try to guess what a “Sip & See” is, Jana tells us that it’s basically a joint baby shower. Even though Joy has already expelled her spawn, the party will celebrate his birth and give people a chance to ogle him for the price of bringing a gift.

Once the hordes of family and friends arrive, the games begin. First up: the two couples of honor are joined by Lauren and Josiah for a game involving trash bags, baby food, blindfolds and a fetish for doing weird things on camera. Austin looks annoyed that he has to even be at the shower, and is giving off a “too cool for school” vibe the whole time.

The couples attempt to feed each other baby food while blindfolded. Joe is struggling the most (which is, of course, no surprise given that he needs to actually be able to see the plate he’s about to lick clean).

After all the sucking and slurping, Joy and Austin are named the winners.

Next time on ‘Counting On,’ Jinger and Jeremy find out the gender of their blessing, the Duggars hit the slopes WITHOUT snow skirts to celebrate Jana and John-David’s birthday and Lauren picks out a sleeved wedding dress to walk down the aisle in.

To read our previous recap of the previous ‘Counting On’ episode, click here!

(Photos: TLC)