Happy Thanksgiving to all of The Ashley‘s American readers! As we all prepare to sit down at our dinner tables this year to attempt to cram a disgusting amount of mashed potatoes, various crunchy-onion-topped vegetables and pumpkin pie into our gullets, let us give thanks for the things in life that really matter: reality television and the people who appear on them for our amusement!
Each year on Thanksgiving, The Ashley takes the time to reflect on the things that she is grateful for.
1. The Art of “Farrah Speak”
Nothing quite tickles The Ashley like Farrah Abraham’s attempts to sound smart. The former ‘Teen Mom’ star—- who seems to somehow find a way to wiggle her way into the tabloid headlines each week—- can always be counted on to deliver an inane quote (or six!)
Much like her attempts to find a boyfriend, Farrah fails miserably at this task. In fact, Farrah’s rambling “word salad” quotes are such a work of art that The Ashley has deemed them “Farrah Speak.”
A quote qualifies as “Farrah Speak” when it contains sentences that Farrah has “over-worded,” has a hefty dose of self-praise, has little to no punctuation, and/or has a bunch of parts that make little to no sense. As a courtesy to her readers, The Ashley does her best to provide “Farrah Speak” translations whenever possible!
For some great examples of classic “Farrah Speak,” click here and here!
2. Jill Dillard’s Disgusting Recipes
Former ‘Counting On’ star Jill Dillard has been desperately trying to keep her mug in the public eye ever since her husband Derick got booted from Jill’s family’s reality show. (Jill faithfully followed him off the show because…well, Duggar….)
One way Jill has tried to keep herself relevant is by posting some of her signature “recipes” to her family blog. While “food blogger” may seem like a great way for Jill to make money while making a home, things haven’t worked out so well for poor Jill.
With the horrifying photos and wilted ingredients, Jill’s attempts to become a food blogger have garnered her a lot of backlash from the media and Duggar fans.
However, The Ashley encourages anyone with masochistic personality to attempt one of Jill’s signature dishes. May she suggest adding Jill’s “Poor Man’s Pizza” to your Thanksgiving feast? Or perhaps serve… whatever the hell is in that poor kid’s bowl in the photo above. Is it cookies ‘n’ cream chow mein? Black bean cereal? Who knows!
3. The Transformation of The Situation:
This year, The Ashley was grateful to see how much ‘Jersey Shore’ star Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has changed since we last saw him. Mike, who was once the most-hated person on ‘Jersey Shore’ (other than, like, Angelina…), is now a postive, sober man who takes care of his friends when they spiral. Thanks to ‘Jersey Shore Family Vacation,’ we got to see Mike go from the insensitive jerk who used to call ugly girls “grenades,” to a man happily married to his college sweetheart, Lauren Pesce.
Mike is proof that people can change…even jerky, awful reality TV stars!
4. An Endless Supply of Knocked-Up Teenagers Willing to Air Their Dirty Laundry on TV:
Thanks to ‘Teen Mom,’ ‘Teen Mom: Young and Pregnant’ and ‘Unexpected,’ there is certainly no shortage of shows about young girls who keep squatting out babies, and for this, The Ashley is grateful. Why, you ask? Two words: JOB.SECURITY.
As long as there are young couples willing to fight on camera, get in boxing matches with their mothers-in-laws and literally squeeze out a kid during filming, The Ashley will be here to recap it all for you for years to come!
5. Her Readers!
The Ashley is so grateful for all of you, who come to The Roundup each day for your news and snark! The Ashley is so happy that there are others out there who share her love of bad reality TV and all the ridiculousness that comes with it!
From the readers who create funny names for themselves when they leave a comment on The Roundup (which The Ashley loves, by the way!) to all of the folks on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram who support the site, The Ashley is truly thankful for all of you!
To see what The Ashley was grateful for in 2017, click here!
(Photo: Alex Wong/Getty Images, MTV, Instagram)
10 Responses
I am grateful for The Ashley! Always entertaining with the best scoop, and comments I love.
Farrah…”apart” and “a part” are two different things!
Jill’s baby is cute! Haha, even she put “recipes” in quotes. Lime and cilantro SOUND good, but are they supposed to look gray?
Ashley, great job! I love coming on here everyday. I check for new posts first thing in the morning, & I love every time I get a notification. Your sense of humor is absolutely wicked. You’re the best!
I check your site multiple times a day so I’m very thankful for you and your site!
Love reading all your recaps! I don’t really watch half these shows anymore because the “reality stars” really irritate me so much now. They are all figments of their own imagination and get paid big $$$$ to “act” on TV. Then they complain about it!! But I don’t need to watch the shows because I can read your hilarious recaps and get caught up on everything!
Love your site, check it everyday!
Ashley…. U are harsh! I dont think im going to read u any longer. Definitely gotta unsubscribe!
Buh Bye Farrah ?
It literally couldn’t be more obvious. That is hilarious. Never seen so little self awareness before.
As a person who works from a home office and is on the computer all day long six days a week, this site is truly a great respite from the monotony. It’s frustrating to watch these Jackholes make more money per episode than I make per year, but The Ashley wraps it all up in a nice bow that keeps me laughing all year. Also, the commenters on this site are the quirkiest, snarkiest and greatest on the web.
We are thankful for Ashley! ?????