Note from The Ashley: Due to the horrible David Eason dog-killing drama of this past week, The Ashley has refrained from posting this recap. However, she feels like the show’s fans can use a laugh after a very long and sad week, so she is posting it now.

On this episode of Teen Mom 2, Leah reveals that she’s once again a single lady, Chelsea tries to move past her recent break-in, Jenelle and David (temporarily) call it quits, Kail and Jo patch things up, and Briana leaves Stella in the hands of her DJing daddy for an hour… or as Luis calls it, about a 17-song set. 

We kick this episode off with Kail who is in Los Angeles recording her podcast while her assorted children are at home with their fathers. For this particular podcast episode, Kail and her Coffee Convos co-host Lindsie Chrisley have invited Teen Mom OG’s Amber Portwood to come in and talk crap on Jenelle. This is right on the heels of Amber’s “screamin’ into her phone while wearing a random kimono” Instagram live feud with Jenelle, after all. 

Amber and Andrew arrive at the hotel room for the show and before Andrew heads out, he reminds Amber to “curse a lot and tell the truth” —a mantra she’s proven to have no problem living by. 

As soon as the podcast begins recording, Kail decides to have Amber break down her side of the Jenelle feud, which Amber says was ignited (literally never retiring this pun) when she saw Jenelle’s “peace gathering” bonfire and decided to put in her two cents. Amber explains that Jenelle didn’t take to her words of advice too kindly, therefore she decided to “come for” Amber in return. 

“It was just disgusting how she came back, I think, so when I responded, I wasn’t proud of how I responded to be honest. I really wasn’t. And then she blocked me,” Amber said. 

Go figure. 

Kail and Amber talk about how things with their co-stars were much different back with their shows started, with Kail saying she once was the closest to Jenelle and that she never used to have an issue with Briana, while Amber says she and Farrah were once the closest among her cast. 

And speaking of bad decisions, next we check in with Briana and the filled-to-the-brim DeJesus household. Bri’s latest boo has headed home after meeting the fam and Brittany is eager to know what her mom thinks about the man her sister welcomed into their life/home/couch indention. 

“Mom, what do you think of her little homie homie, her friend, another big-head Dominican,” she asks Roxanne. 

Roxanne says John is nice, polite and attentive to Briana’s kids and she tells Briana she’s glad the two of them are taking things slow (aka not immediately drunkenly procreating in a club bathroom on ladies’ night.)

Despite being cool with Briana and John’s situation, Roxanne wants to know if John likes Florida, more specifically if he’d be into living in a crowded apartment with two kids and three women, one of whom has infinite dibs on all cushioned furniture in the common area.

Briana tells her mom she doesn’t know what John thinks and Roxanne quips back, “Have you axed him?” Before Briana can respond, Brittany–forever talking in memes– tells Roxanne to calm down and reminds her that, “They catching flights, not feelings.”

For that couch’s sake, let’s hope that’s the only thing being caught around there. After watching this scene, a tumbler of penicillin would really hit the spot! 

Later that day in the House of Too Many Things/People, Brittany prepares Nova for her gymnastics tryouts by showing her how to scare the DeJesus out of baby Stella… ya know, the kid with a heart condition…

While Brittany is making sure that Stella is still breathing, Briana says DJ Luis and all 32 teeth that make up his creepy smile will be keeping an eye on Stella later on while they are at Nova’s tryouts. First the jump scare and now a forced playdate with the 482nd highest-ranked aspiring DJ on Sound Cloud? Man, this just isn’t Stella’s day!

Brittany thinks Stella will be scared if she wakes up from her nap and only has Luis and his stack of promotional flyers for foam night at the club to comfort her, and Nova agrees. 

“She doesn’t really like her dad,” Nova reminds Briana.

Briana tells Nova that Stella just needs to warm up to Luis, much like Nova did when Devoin decided to start coming around to pick up his MTV checks. Nova argues that Stella had no problem warming up to Devoin right away, which Briana and Brittany say is because Devoin is cool. 

“He got swag, Nova,” Brittany says. 

Well, as we all know, swag is the most important thing for a dad to have when it comes to taking care of his kid!

Next we check in with the Lady (and we use that term oh so lightly) of The Land, Jenelle, who is having dinner with her mom. Jenelle tells viewers in her voiceover that because the cameras still aren’t filming David, she and Barb are “meeting up out of town again,” though they’re suspiciously carrying around the same shopping bags from their Atlanta trip. (Nice try, MTV! Why don’t you just make them wear wigs like you used to make the girls in the earlier seasons to try to make it look like something was filmed way earlier than it was!?)

While slurping back daiquiris, Jenelle talks to Barb about her plan to take Jace with her to visit a friend in Kentucky, though she notes that David has yet to grant her permission. Upon learning of this tiny detail, Barb makes a mental note to cancel boxed wine night with the gals from Wal-Mart, seeing as how the odds of this trip actually happening are about the same odds of David de-Yeti-ing himself, putting on a clean shirt and going to job fair. 

Up in South Dakota, Chelsea is still on edge after the cabin break-in so she’s hanging out at her mom’s house everyday while Cole is at work. Despite installing a top-notch security system, Chelsea is scared to be at her house, especially because she’s on TV and people know she’s a stay-at-home mom. 

Chelsea’s mom, South Dee-ko-tah Mary only adds to her anxiety by pointing out just how creepy it is to know that someone was rummaging through all of her flannels and “Mom AF” shirts. How sweet. 

Next we head to the hollers of West Virginia where Leah has some “big news” for Producer Brendan… that news being that she and Jason have broken up. Leah sits Brendan down as if he’s the one she’s breaking up with. She explains to him that things just weren’t working between her and Jason and also that the girlseses “weren’t feeling” it. 

Brendan pretends to be shocked to hear this news and drives his performance home by asking Leah if Jason was only “on his best behavior when we’re around,” which Leah confirms. She says she felt like she was ready to put her all into a relationship, this just simply wasn’t the right one.

On the bright side, at least Jason got some free meals out of the deal. Oh, and a fun afternoon at the gynecologist. 

Back at the DeJesus apartment, Brittany gives Nova a pep talk before her gymnastics tryouts, because nothing encourages kids to reach their full potential more than being faced with what will happen if they don’t.

Soon after, Luis arrives and Stella reluctantly interacts with him before Briana, Brittany and Nova leave. 

Luis is keeping the couch indention warm while Stella takes a nap. As Brittany predicted, once Stella wakes up to see her stranger of a father standing above her, she starts having a meltdown.

Meanwhile, Nova secures her spot on the gymnastics team and the DeJesus crew heads home. En route, Briana gets a text from a panicking Luis asking when his babysitting set shift will be done. Once they arrive back at the apartment, Stella clings to Briana harder than Luis clings to the hope of one day making it in the music industry.

We next check back in with Kail. After wrapping up the podcast episode, Kail and Amber hang out and talk, and Amber scoops up a bunch of free samples of Kail’s Pothead products, which she assures Kail she won’t burn.

They then talk about Barb’s little ol’ death threat, something that hit close to home for Amber as she says she used to get death threats “in the mel.” (This is not, of course, to be confused with when Amber was “in jel.”)

Kail and Amber fail to see the humor in Barb’s comment and Kail says she’s pretty much sick of Jenelle’s whole family and the fact that they keep roping her into their nonsense. 

Later, Kail is back in Delaware and things between her and Jo have been handled so that the two of them won’t have to go to court, however, Kail still has to hand over a check. Jo decides to swing on by for an early pay day and with him is Isaac, who is bummed out after losing in his dodgeball tournament. Kail tells Isaac not to be upset and lets him know that she’s been “taking Ls” all year. (She’s also been dating “Ls” for most of her life…)

Jo corrects her that she’s been taking them her whole life, straight up insulting himself in the process. Kail looks like she wishes she had a dodgeball to throw at Jo’s smug face.

After Jo and Isaac leave, Kail tells her producer that she’s glad the whole child support debacle is over, though she predicts Season 19 of ‘Teen Mom 2’ will show all three (or more?) of her baby daddies coming for her and her bank account.

When we next check back in with Jenelle, we learn (via voiceover) that David wasn’t down for the solo trip she planned to take with Jace (shocker!) and that he wanted to come along (no way!). Soon after a disagreement, trouble allegedly ensued on The Land, leading the two to announce (via social media, of course) that they were single.

This, according to MTV, is when Jenelle finally decided not to go to Kentucky. #SureJan (Of course, The Ashley’s readers know that the Easons’ “breakup” happened before the Kentucky trip was canceled, and that Jenelle only canceled the trip because she and David were already back together.) 

Because Jenelle’s world is a dumpster fire and we’re all just living in it and smelling the stench from it, we’re forced against our will to head down to Florida to check in with Nathan while he gets his ponytail nubbin cleaned up at the barber shop. (Honestly, we’ll take 10 episodes of Nathan preening over one episode filmed on or near The Land.)  

Nathan’s barber is just dying to talk about Jenelle’s latest antics and lucky for him, Nathan is here to spill the protein-packed tea. Nathan says David is doing nothing to help Jenelle’s image, much like Jenelle herself.

Nathan also says Jenelle has to hit rock bottom before she gets her life together. While it’s a bit hard to take him seriously while he’s sporting a toddler-sized ponytail on his dome, Nathan is not wrong. 

Back in West Virginia, Leah is babysitting her niece Cerenity (yaaas!). When Leah’s sister Victoria comes to pick her up, they chat about Leah’s new single-lady status. Victoria tells Leah that Jason called her to tell her he wanted Leah and her two-horned uterus back in his life.

Leah isn’t surprised and says that Jason has been calling and texting her nonstop and even showed up at her house when she and Addie were at home. Victoria is relieved that Leah didn’t take her advice and get knocked up with a baby whose name she’d ultimately misspell. 

Leah decided not to tell the girlseses about her and Jason’s breakup because she assumed they’d figure it out on their own… which they do, thanks to Addie (who is, as The Ashley has said before, the true star of this s**tshow!) 

“Mommy and Jason broke up and he was trying to kiss her but she pushed him back and that’s all,” she tells the twins while playing on their newly-carpeted floor. 

Leah walks in and confirms Addie’s comments and Aleeah is the first to tell her mom she’s happy because she never liked Jason. Addie adds that Jason wasn’t much of a looker either. 

“He was not handsome, he was not cute, he didn’t look like a prince, he looked stupid and looked dumb,” she says. 

Tell us how you really feel, Addie! Umm… someone get this kid a Burn Book, STAT.

Leah tells the girlseses that even though her relationship with Jason didn’t pan out, she’s still going to date around because she doesn’t want to end up being an old cat lady. Guess that whole ’stand in your own power’ thing went out the window, huh? 

Addie is fine with her mom putting a ring on it for a third time (hell….even if it’s a Nuva ring!), but prefers that she next tie the knot with her dad, Jeremy. Leah laughs at this suggestion, probably because she’s already begun hitting Jeremy Lynn with some “U up?” texts at this point. 

Back in Florida, Briana learns that if she files for child support for Stella, Luis will be granted 50/50 custody, which she nor her family think he is ready for. When Briana tells Luis this, he sends her a text letting her know he’s perfectly fine with taking their case to court because he feels like Briana isn’t giving him a fair shot to be a father to Stella. 

Briana tells her mom that if getting child support from Luis means giving up 50 percent of her custody, Luis can keep his tip-jar money and she’ll drop that case quicker than he can drop a beat… or the ball when it comes to being a parent. 

To read The Ashley’s other ‘Teen Mom 2’ recaps, click here!

(Photos: MTV)