Former Counting On star Jill Dillard is taking a break from delivering “killer” recipe ideas (and yes, The Ashley may mean that literally), in order to give her fans tips on another very important part of her life: sex.
No…seriously…
Jill posted a blog to her family’s website entitled “More Than Sex: How to Love Your Husband.” Now that Jill has been married (almost) five years to Derick Dillard, she felt it necessary to share tips on things such as how to keep the sexual fires burning for your spouse, even when you have multiple “blessings” running around and throwing up on your long denim skirt.
Again, no…seriously…
While The Ashley feels that Jill’s entire blog post is worth a read (since it basically is an opportunity to time-travel back to the 1950s!), she realizes that many of you don’t have a lot of time to devote to listening to a Duggar talk about boning. To help you out, The Ashley has narrowed down Jill’s long list of things she does to make Derick happy and keep her marriage hot to the 10 oddest, questionable and downright cringe-worthy suggestions.
10. Have sex at least 3-4 times a week.
If you’re wondering why Jill and Derick always have those toothy grins on their faces, it’s probably because they’re apparently going to the boneyard almost every other day!
“Have sex often! You both need this time together regularly (3-4 times a week is a good start. lol),” Jill wrote. “And when you may not be able to actually have intercourse for a period of time or for health issues, find other ways to have fun and be intimate. Let your spouse know that you’re always available.”
Of course, Jill has been taught to be “always available” by her also-always-available mother, Michelle Duggar, who has stated in blog posts that she advises all wives to be “joyfully available” to their husbands for sex, even if they aren’t in the mood.
9. No “She-Bopping” or Wackin’ the Monkey Solo
Jill writes that it’s important not to take care of your own desires (i.e. masturbate) if your spouse isn’t available to hump on a mini golf course.
“Guard against fulfilling sexual desires alone,” Jill writes. “Be open with your spouse about your desires and change things up to keep it exciting!”
8. Ditch the sweatpants and keep yourself hosed off in case he wants to hump.
Just because you have one (or 19!) blessings at home to take care of, that doesn’t give you an excuse to put on your rattiest cotton skirt and not curl your hair! Jill gives several tips for dressing and grooming yourself to keep your husband wanting to bump uglies with you!
“It’s easy to get home and throw on the frumpy pjs and wash your makeup off, but make sure that a few times a week you enjoy time together looking like you would hanging out when you were dating!” Jill writes, later adding that a woman should “go to bed fresh” and slap on some “smell goods” in full view of her man.
“It’s easy to just want to shower in the morning to wake ourselves up, but showering in the evening (and sometimes before he gets home if you arrive home before him!), and even putting on fragrant lotion in front of him can be another way to say ‘I care’ and ‘you’re important to me,’ and lets him know you’re up for fun whenever he is,” she writes.
(Jill lifting her denim skirt to lotion up her leg as Derick’s eyes pop out is a mental image The Ashley will never be able to get out of her head.)
7. Don’t go all “Michelle Duggar” on him.
Jill advises that acting like your husband’s mother should be avoided at all costs, as should using a licked finger to wipe crap off your husband’s face. (I mean…to be fair, that last thing should be avoided no matter who you are because… eww.)
“Never allow your husband to think you’re his mother!” Jill writes. “Whether it’s making demands, delegating or licking your finger and wiping something off his face…if he says ‘I feel like you’re my mother when you…,’ then pay attention to that and ask him what you can to do change/how to handle the situation the next time!”
6. Drink coffee to avoid falling asleep while he rambles on about lame things you don’t care about.
Raising blessings takes a lot out of you, so Jill advises you to guzzle some caffeine before your hubby comes home, because he’s likely going to want to talk to you about his day and you need to be “super interested” in what he has to say.
“When I’m distracted while my husband is talking to me it can send the message to him that I’m not super interested in what he has to say,” Jill writes. “I’ve found for myself that sometimes drinking an afternoon cup of coffee can be helpful so I’ll be more awake in the evening when he wants to talk.”
Even though whatever Derick is muttering about in the wee hours of the night is surely riveting, Jill admits that sometimes there’s nothing that can be done to prevent her from zoning out. In these cases, she says she schedules a time with Derick to sit through his ramblings.
“If you really can’t afford the time/energy for the a long conversation in the moment, communicate this to your husband and let him know that you really want to hear what he has to say, but setting a later time to pick up the conversation may make it easier for you to be all in!” she writes. “Just try not to make this a habit!”
5. Know that women want security, but men want respect.
Sadly, this is an actual quote from Jill’s blog post.
“While security for wives is usually of utmost importance, respect is probably most important for most husbands!” she writes.
She advises wives to go to their husbands so they can tell them what they do that’s disrespectful.
“Ask your hubby what you do that makes him feel respected, and ask him in what other ways that he thinks you could show him more respect,” Jill writes.
In another bulletpoint, Jill writes that a woman’s husband is her “God-given protector”– but he is “not your dad!”
Um…?
4. Come up with a sickening sweet name (or 10!) for your husband sweetie poo and make sure to let him know it!
The Duggars are known for calling their significant others by strange nicknames. (For instance, Jim Bob calls Michelle “Mama” and Michelle calls Jim Bob “Daddy” which is rather nightmare-inducing.)
Jill advises all wives to do this both in-person and on your phone.
“Call him by a fun or sweet name!” she writes. “Save his name/contact in your phone with a sweet name and don’t forget to use emojis!”
3. Bust out your stalking skills to show him that you love him while he’s away.
Jill tells wives that it’s important for husbands to know that their women are thinking about them…ALL.THE.TIME. She suggests texting, FaceTiming and calling him to tell him you miss him throughout the day.
“Let him know you miss him and you can’t wait to see him/can’t wait till he gets home!” she writes. “Send texts for him to read when he can, or if you know he has specific times during the day when he can talk, give him a quick call or FaceTime him for a minute to tell him you love and miss him.”
She even suggests that you track his phone so you know how far away from home he is.
NO.SERIOUSLY.
“The ‘Find My Friends’ app or other tracking apps for phones can be helpful so you can see when he is almost home,” she writes. “You can also ask him to text or call you with an ETA when he is headed home.”
Yiiiiikes…
2. Do his hobbies with him, even if you don’t really enjoy them.
Most men have at least one hobby they enjoy doing. Jill suggests that wives use this hobby as a way to get even more time with their hubbies!
“Figure out what he likes and do it with him!” she writes. “Give him your undivided attention…and if it’s hard, pray for grace to be able to give undivided attention to him. Be open with your hubby if it’s a struggle and keep striving toward your goal till you find out what works…keeping in mind that you want to continue to be the one he enjoys hanging out with and spending his chill time with!”
While some alone time is permitted (perhaps that time she’s tracking you on your way home from work counts?) she still advises wives to try their very best to like their husband’s hobbies.
“This doesn’t mean y’all can’t ever enjoy time without each other, just that you want to work hard to enjoy some of the same things!” Jill writes.
1. Wear lingerie— but buy it online!
No Duggar gal wants to be caught with her hand up a negligee at a Victoria’s Secret store, so Jill suggests buying your fancy skivvies online.
“Get new lingerie (online is an easy way to buy!)” Jill writes, advising wives to buy it “as a surprise gift for birthdays, holidays, vacations or whenever!”
(Jill doesn’t tell us if she busts out the whips and chains on ol’ Derick during those three-times-a-week hump sessions!)
If you want to read Jill’s full blog post, click here!
RELATED STORY: Anna Duggar Expresses Her Loyalty to Disgraced Husband Josh in Birthday Post: “I Look Forward to Growing Old — TOGETHER!”
59 Responses
I kinda hate you for making me read that.
Honestly though I totally with having sex 3 or more times a week but of course you should both be in the mood for it!
9. No “She-Bopping” or Wackin’ the Monkey Solo
Come on, self-gratification is a cheap hobby.
You’re right. They haven’t been through Jack! Wait until one of you has to fight a brain tumor. That’s a hard road for the supporter as well.
Hysterical recap!
I think it’s sad for the wife and husband that their cult tells them to have sex every other day except Sunday. That’s some unhealthy presure.
It is smart to teach people this, more children, they are too busy raising kids and trying to have more to really think for themselves.
My grandma calls my grandpa “Lakai” (“old man” in Tagalog) & my grandpa calls my grandma “Buket” (old woman). Today is their 61st wedding anniversary. ? Not all couples need cutesy-poopsy names. AND my grandmother was the bread-winner for most of their marriage!
It’s because your grandparents have a little thing called “self-confidence!”
Possibly. But if you’ve ever watched Everybody Loves Raymond tv show, they are the epitome of Frank & Marie. Not kidding! I think their names for each other were from disdain decades ago, now it’s just a running joke.
The image of Mr Dillard under point 6 looks like Jim Carrey from Dumb and Dumber so I’d like to know how her sex tips panned out during that incarnation of her man.
They’re both gross. No person who has only been married for this shirt amount of time is in a position to give marriage advice. You don’t know shit at this point!
Cult living, y’all!
I have been feeling sick to my stomach today so I didn’t bother to read the article, the title alone made me gag. But all of your comments made me laugh and feel better, so thank you all!
She does all this and more for that grinning idiot and he doesn’t do jack for her.
He is playing pretend at law school, gets to be out of the house at least 12 hours a day, no job so Jill has to shill clothes for her cousins clothes store if she wants anything to wear.
She never had a chance.
Derick was talking to JimBob for nearly a year before he and Jill were ever allowed to talk.
He got to learn all these things about her (well according to JImBob…a man who denied his sexually abused daughters any help beyond sending them to Bill Gothard who blamed them for it because they were not pure enough) without ever really getting to know her.
That is so insidious and creepy!
And they were never ever alone before the wedding so she didn’t get a chance to really know him until after.
We see how he acts on social media.
I can’t imagine how he acts behind closed doors especially since his mother is also a hateful bigot who raised him to think the sun rises and sets with him.
funny how her “inspirational” cancer survivor speaking engagements have been taken off the internet.
I guess a cancer survivor isn’t as inspirational when they believe people who live their lives differently shouldn’t have access to the same kind of health care she did.
It is complete insanity that people like this are still on TV.
I know Jill isn’t but if anyone thinks the rest of the Duggar family doesn’t fully agree with Derick…I got ocean front property in Arizona to sell you.
They are just better at hiding it.
This girl is nuts! My husband and I have been married for 14 years, together for 16. She’s not realistic at all! Now I’m going to think twice if I text him today, because it’s going to make me feel a little creepy. But we always text each other it’s just something we do. I would never follow this brainwashed fool’s advice.
This is great advice for women that are for whatever reason forced into being and staying married but have no genuine feelings for their partner (or themselves at this point). If I had absolutely no other choice but to make a marriage “work” convincingly, even if it causes me to die slowly inside, this would be valuable.
I’m pretty sure I could come up with 10 better tips that would benefit the young ladies here.
Lol!!! I would love to hear your list! ?
It’s heartbreaking and disgusting how they brainwashed their children into believing all this crap. Its unfathomable that this is normal to them.
She sounds like a Sex slave.
Looks like the Pro-Duggar brigade showed up seeing as how most comments have 2-3 downvotes. Sorry most see through thier Quiverfull cult for what it is.
Three thoughts I had while reading this:
1. her advice makes me want to puke
2. her skeezy husband makes me want to puke
3. does Walmart even sell lingerie online?
At least she doesn’t buy her lingerie second hand…
Her whole post makes me sad..I remember when Michelle gave her speech about a man can get lunch anywhere, but sex and intimacy should be readily available at home all the time. So now we have Jill going on about needing to call, text, check in all day long (presumably so he knows she is waiting and he shouldn’t want to cheat??) That fundie training has these girls petrified that the evil sirens of the world are seeking out their husbands. ? She seems miserable..only 5 years into the marriage and you need to give tips on how to pretend to be interested in your spouse? Yikes.
Unlike you we chose our own partner.
You really have no idea about life outside of your cult, most of is have jobs travelled the world, and have freedom to make our own decisions.
Your the last person I’d want advice from or to aspire to be like.
Yawn. She’s just saying the same dumb shit I see “trads” say on twitter. And also she’s saying the same things that’s been said for decades. It’s like she has no clue on how to be an individual and come up with something different.
This is yuckier than Jill’s “recipes”.
This reads like something straight out of Handmaid’s Tale. Seriously. What is Derick’s advice? Something along the lines of “Treat your wife like a doormat rather than a person, and always be sure that she knows she is merely a second class citizen whose sole purpose in life is to please you,” is my guess. These people need to hop into a Delorean and take their creepy, misogynistic ideologies back to the dark ages where they belong.
Can you imagine the ranting Jill’s had to endure from Derrick? Regarding even just the Jazz Jennings situation.
How much respect and attention is it possible to pay someone? Jill is a stage 5 clinger with poor self esteem.
Spoken like a woman who was raised in a cult to make women feel like all they were ever good for was being a sperm depository for thier husbands and bringing as many kids along so they too could be brainwashed. Also one that never had an orgasm.
Nah. I’m good. I have zero problems and if he’s not around, I’m going to scratch that itch…
What a terrible life for a woman and a man. Like being married to a robot. I feel so bad for Jill, how she was raised and what her long days must be like. This is borderline obsessive.
I need to go and wash my brain.
At this point, I need to be lobotomized in order to fully cleanse my brain.
At what point does he join you in your hobbies and interests? Are you allowed to have interests of your own, or only his? At what point do you tell what makes you feel respected? Are you entitled to respect, or only him?
Her hobbies include: cooking, cleaning, making babies in her online lingerie, tending to the children and the occasional stalking of her husband. You know, just like any other Duggar woman.
The more I think about it, the more it pisses me off. My husband and I have are celebrating 16 wonderful years of marriage this month (18 years together). We still aren’t experts on marriage and would never publically spout marriage tips and we’ve been married 3 times longer than them.
This! Best comment so far, LQ! ?
This is like taking advice from my son, who’s also 5 years old. Think I’ll get marriage tips from those who’ve actually weathered a LIFETIME of storms together. So out of touch to think that they can provide “counsel” (fundie favorite word!), when they’ve been married for 5 while years!
Am I the only one who snorted at her line about lingerie?! I mean. I’m not knocking their modesty standards, that’s their thing, but considering the bathing suits they wear, reading about a Duggar in lingerie seems like an oxymoron!
I’d rather spend time with my hand. ?♀️
Oh ok Jill. This is why all the women in the 50s were popping pills like candy.
What sex life ?? All I see with these two is missionary position and only using sex to produce kids.
Some of these tips aren’t wrong, persay- I agree with the not acting like his mom thing, but then again I have a phobia of turning into a nag like my mom, so maybe I’m an outlier- but it’s her commentary that drives me f**king insane, the whole subservient woman/50s housewife thing. Like, what kind of husband wants his wife to feel obligated to f**k him if she’s not in the mood? And before you answer, yes, I know the Jim Bob types don’t care how their wife feels as long as they have a warm place to park their d**k. Which is why this whole thing makes me so mad
Also: I’m not judging if a wife wants to be like a 50s housewife. I firmly believe feminism is about women having the choice to be whatever they want to be, whether that’s a corporate bigwig, stripper, or stay-at-home-mom. Or not a mom at all. What I have a problem with is the mindset that there is only one way to be a good wife
But does he do anything for you, Jill? (LOL. We know he doesn’t.) This advice is trash. It’s all about him, him, him. No fucking thank you.
I’m dead ?
Read more of the whole blog by Jill – I don’t have time to put 6 seconds into every single coming and going kiss! Wtf. Sometimes you have to run out the door or get out of a car quickly… 6 seconds is quite a long time for EVERY time.
Dead. This summary was great. I cannot imagine hounding my husband like this. Please DON’T tell me where you are, and I would never imagine tracking his phone. Leave me to my alone time and we can tell each other what we did when we eventually see each other at the end of the day. Christ.
Sounds exhausting!
Sadly this is how she was raised. It is all about HIM, YOU don’t matter. (I’m pretty sure not even to him)
I’m waiting for a fundie wife to have a full on mental breakdown, I know I would go mad if he ignored me and only wanted to talk about him (being in a similar relationship in the past makes me reluctant of ever being in one again)
Meh!! Whatever floats your boat I guess. I just don’t like the way she comes off as snobby and a know it all ?♀️ at the end of the day do what works for you and your partner.
Gross. I’m so good on all of this