On this episode of 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?, Larissa and Colt bust out the handcuffs in a different way than their sex therapist recommended; The Wife Chantel faces off with The Sister Pedro (again!); Jay and Ashley prove to be terrible hosts; Paola and Russ get a pool for the upcoming arrival of their son, and Elizabeth and Andrei continue to bite/nearly gnaw off the hands that feed them. 

This week’s hot mess of holy matrimony kicks off in Las Vegas where we find Colt and Larissa arguing once again.

Larissa says she made an appointment to get her hair(ee) done but Colt has decided last minute not to fork over the funds. In between blowing off the producers and camera crew, Larissa scrounges for spare change around the house to try to come up with the money she needs, but to no avail. 

Maybe she should’ve checked Debbie’s slot machine?

Faced with the possibility of having to give herself a bowl haircut, Larissa storms out of the house. Colt tells producers he’s done throwing money at Larissa because he has more important things to spend his paychecks on, such as rent, bills, cat toys and “I Heart Mother” coffee mugs. We then see Colt storm upstairs, where he probably went to sniff his mom’s pillow. 

Down in the Dominican Republic, The Wife Chantel and The Husband Pedro attempt to spend some quality time together, despite Chantel’s fight with Pedro’s mom the night before. Although the sit-down between the two women went exactly how everyone assumed it would go (minus the use of a taser), Pedro still wants Chantel to meet up with his sister Nicole to try and make things right. (I mean…Chantel’s mom did rip Nicole’s store-bought hair off her damn head last time they met! At least an apology is in order…)

After some persuasion, Chantel agrees to sit down with Nicole, but tells Pedro to not get his hopes up on the two actually mending things. 

Elsewhere, Russ and Paola start putting together their baby’s nursery while Pao appears to break-in one of their son’s onesies. 

Pao tells Russ she’s decided to have a home birth because the “gently used” tub at the birthing center was just too small for her liking. Instead, she wants to give birth in a big inflatable pool within the comforts of their apartment living room. (We can assume that, if things go wrong, they can pretty much kiss their apartment security deposit goodbye. Everyone knows afterbirth is a bitch to get out of the carpet!)

In addition, Pao wants Russ to feel comfortable enough to hop on into the inflatable pool with her. 

Russ isn’t really feeling the new birthing plan, but agrees to go along with it because it means he won’t have to watch his wife make “Baby Soup” in the creepy midwife’s birthing tub. He immediately starts wracking his brain on how he can run a hose from the parking lot up to their apartment without any of the neighbors finding out. 

Up in Pennsylvania, Jay’s sister Poochie is packing to go back to Jamaica. Poochie tells Jay and Ashley she hopes the next time she visits the couple will be less awkward than this visit—translation: she hopes her brother learns to keep it in his pants so as not to ruin her next vacation… or his marriage, for that matter.  

Jay tells Poochie (and Ashley, who is sitting literally two feet away) that he’s not “playing the victim,” but goes on to do just that by bringing up the fact that he “sits on the couch all day,” still unable to get a job. Ashley says Jay knew he would be in this situation when they got married and calls him the biggest narcissist she’s ever met.

Jay says he doesn’t know what narcissist means but luckily he can ask the high schooler from Tinder because it was surely one of her SAT vocab words. 

Next we check in with Elizabeth and Andrei as they take a break from collecting handouts from Elizabeth’s dad Chuck, and instead get ready to collect some handouts from other family members at their baby shower. 

Because Elizabeth’s sister Jenn has a tendency to call both Elizabeth and Andrei out on their BS, Andrei asked his other sister-in-law Rebecca not to invite Jenn. Despite this request, Jenn shows up to the baby shower and Andrei expresses his frustration by giving her the cold shoulder like the mature adult that he is. 

Andrei tells Rebecca during the shower that Jenn’s presence is “not so fair.” Rebecca then pulls Andrei into the hallway to explain to him how baby showers work, or rather how they function—“work” is a concept Andrei is unlikely to grasp, let’s be honest. 

Down in Miami, Pao video-chats with her mom about her plan to give birth in an inflatable pool next to the couch. Pao’s mom, who is awaiting her visa approval to attend said birth, is concerned about Pao’s birthing plan, but seems excited to get to stay in an American apartment that has its very own pool! 

Next we check back in with Larissa and Colt, and learn that Larissa was arrested—AGAIN. Colt explains that he and Larissa had been fighting most of the previous day (no way?!) and Larissa ended up locking herself in the bathroom. Out of frustration, Colt decided to deactivate Larissa’s phone, which is when all hell broke loose. 

As the fight progressed, Larissa evidently posted Colt’s phone number online and someone ended up calling the cops. When the dueling couple finally made their way downstairs, they were greeted by five police officers and Colt was handcuffed and read his rights. 

Colt says shortly after, his handcuffs were removed and the cops decided to arrest Larissa instead. She was charged with domestic battery and taken to jail. 

She delivered this A-plus mugshot offering for our enjoyment…Judging by her mugshot, Larissa obviously wasn’t able to convince Colt(ee) to give her the money for the hairdresser. 

Colt decides to call Debbie (who was conveniently on vacation during this mess) to fill her in on the trauma her cats had to witness while she’s been away. Colt tells his mom he hopes to be able to post bail and get Larissa out of jail; however, his funds are low so can’t assure that he’ll be able to do so. Debbie says she’s getting on a plane to come home soon so she can make sure her cats, slot machine and forever-roommate Colt are all OK. 

Down in the Dominican Republic, The Wife Chantel and The Husband Pedro meet up with The Sister Nicole to either patch things up or make things infinitely worse (spoiler alert: it’s the latter). Chantel says the last time she saw Nicole, she was on top of her brother River, scratching and biting him (as you do). Despite this, Nicole blames the fight on The Family Chantel. 

Chantel defends her family, which causes both Nicole and Pedro to accuse her of choosing family over her husband. (Um…duh.) Nicole tells Chantel she doesn’t deserve Pedro so Chantel gets up and leaves.

Pedro goes after Chantel. We assume he’s going to apologize on his sister’s behalf, but instead he asks Chantel to come back to the table to apologize to Nicole. Chantel, nearly blowing a gasket at this point, tells Pedro an apology isn’t happening. Pedro tells Chantel to wait for him in Atlanta and Chantel tells the producers that her marriage is over and she doesn’t want to film anymore. 

Things are going equally bad for Colt and Larissa in Las Vegas. With Larissa still behind bars, Colt makes a visit to Mr. Tony the Bail Bondsman to take care of Larissa’s bail. Bail has been set at $1,000—(or, in Larissa’s mindset, two rounds of lip injections.)

Mr. Tony and Colt work out the details and Colt ends up only having to fork over $200 that day; however, he is still responsible for the remainder of the cash if he doesn’t want Mr. Tony coming after him.  

Across the country, Andrei, Elizabeth and Jenn sit down for lunch and attempt to fix their Andrei’s issues. Andrei wants to know why Jenn came to his party and Jenn is more than happy to begin rattling off her growing list of complaints she has about her sister’s beau.

 Jenn tells Andrei that he’s been disrespectful to Chuck, who has paid for his apartment/food/surplus of khaki shorts, but Andrei maintains that Chuck hasn’t done anything and he’s been doing all of the work himself.

UMMMM!?!?!

Jenn says the only things Andrei has been working on are his fitness and making excuses.

Elizabeth eventually jumps on Andrei’s case for continuing to fight this losing battle with Jenn and they all somewhat come to an agreement to stay out of each other’s business… but not out of Chuck’s wallet, of course. 

After arguing on the streets of the Dominican Republic, Pedro tells Chantel he’s packing up his club clothes at the hotel and heading to his mom’s house. As Pedro throws his stuff into a suitcase, Chantel tells him if he leaves, that’s it over between the two of them. Before walking out of the hotel room, Pedro says Chantel is unable to apologize and because of that, they’ll never be able to move on. 

In Florida, Pao’s mom Gladys has arrived for the birth and settled in. Pao and Russ decide it’s time to traumatize her by doing a trial run of their birthing plan, which involves Russ inflating a giant blue birthing pool in the middle of the living room. Once the birthing pool—-conveniently matching the holiday decorations, by the way—- is inflated, Gladys expresses her concerns about this whole home-birthing business. Gladys explains that she popped out six healthy babies of her own, and not one of them entered the world via hardwood floor. 

Pao explains to her mom that a midwife will be present for the birth, but Gladys isn’t satisfied and jokes that she’s going to hide upstairs when the baby arrives. Russ looks like he wants to do the same thing, but knows if he says that, he’ll have a neck full of Pao’s baby blue cat claws!

In Vegas, Larissa’s bail has been posted, so Colt heads to the jail in the middle of the night to await her release. Not only is Colt unaware of Larissa’s exact release time, but he’s also unsure if she’ll even want to see him. 

Despite this, Colt tells producers he doesn’t want Larissa roaming the streets of Las Vegas in the middle of the night with no phone or money.

Until next time! 

To read The Ashley’s previous ’90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?’ recaps, click here! 

(Photos: TLC)