Hey y’all! Gather ’round! It’s time for another Teen Mom 2 recap! Things have been getting pretty crazy in ‘Teen Mom 2’ Land, what with all the assorted baby daddy/assorted trashy family member drama and whatnot. The Ashley realizes she’s (STILL) a week behind on these recaps, but, you know what they say: better late than…not getting a period and then finding out your Costa Rican rafting guide has done knocked you up!
Oh, nobody says that except Victoria Messer? My bad…
Anyway, we first check in with Leah down in the holler. She’s roundin’ up her girlseses, which means picking Ali up from camp. During the car ride home, Leah tells Ali how much she missed her, while Ali tells her she didn’t want to leave.
For some reason they’ve got Ali all fixed up like she’s Scarlett O’Hara from “Gone With the Wind.” She’s got a ruffly dress, complete with hoop skirt, a sun hat and parasol.
So…um…did Ali’s summer camp take place at one of those photo places where you take those weird photos that make you look like you’re from the 1800s? (Please…for the love of Jesus God Leah…let Mama Dawn be all gussied up like a salon girl…)
When Leah and Ali get home, Addie and Aleeah (well, mainly Addie) are happy to see their sister. (Sadly, Mama Dawn is sans feather boa and fringe-rimmed costume…)
Despite Ali’s absence, Aleeah says she still managed to get zero time to herself due in large part to Addie getting on her nerves and Leah “havin’ fits” of crying.
That sounds about as healthy as whatever processed meat sandwich Leah was fixin’ to feed her kids that night for dinner…but, moving on…
Meanwhile, in South Dakota, it’s almost time for Chelsea to launch her clothing line featuring a wide variety of flannel options so she and Layne head to the warehouse to finalize some details.
Though Chelsea’s new line doesn’t appear to come in colors close to the current orange tone she’s rocking on her skin, she still pumped to reveal her mom-wear to the masses.
You know, just the regular things every-day teen moms are doing…
Later on, Chelsea’s friend Other Chelsey stops by to hang out while Cole and Chelsea have pictures taken for Layne’s first birthday. After a few bites of her smash cake, Layne’s photo sesh (and dessert) are interrupted by Pete the Pig, who is clearly not too thrilled about his lack of presence in recent seasons.
Next, we swing over to Delaware, where Kail is prowling the streets looking for Chris her missing dogs. While in the car, she gets a call from her real estate agent who tells her that the offer on the house she wanted has been accepted. Kail is so excited by the news that she warns her friend, “I’m going to s**t myself.”
Her friend advises that she control her enthusiasm (and her bowels) to prevent a mess, but Kail isn’t worried because she says has leather seats in her car and “it’ll wipe right up.”
Kail wants to surprise her boys with the big news so she keeps it from them for the time being and calls her friend to rub it in her face instead. In addition to her boys, we also find out that Kail hasn’t told Jo about her upcoming move, mainly because she believes he’ll look up how much she paid for the house and take her back to court to try to get more child support from her.
During her phone call, Kail says she and her band of boys have outgrown their current digs and frankly, she’s convinced the place is riddled with bad juju. Kail says the new place will be a new chapter for herself and the boys… and any baby daddies named Chris who just happen to feel like moving in, too.
In Indiana, it’s business as usual for Jade, which means drama with her family/baby daddy/mailman/credit card company/landlord/local grocer (probably), etc.
Today, it’s Jade’s mom that’s topping her s**t list, so she is less-than-pleased to run into her when she picks up Khloe Chloe Klloie Khloie from her sister.
Later on, Jade vents to her sister about their mom and stepdad coming to her house unannounced being that they both “need to get their s**t together” — preferably not on her property.
The next day, Jade takes Khlloey (HOW do you spell this kid’s name!?) to the park and on her way home, she gets a call from her mom asking her to come bail her out of jail.
As you do.
Jade’s mom asks for $500 so she can get out of the slammer, which she assures Jade she’ll pay her back. Of course, we all know there’s a better chance of Barbara Evans dressing up as the Bail Bond Fairy and going door-to-door delivering cash (and doughboys) than Jade ever seeing a dollar she uses to pay her mom’s bail.
Jade tells her mom she doesn’t have the money right now but will try to figure something out. Might we suggests asking MTV for a small advance? With all of the chaos Jade’s been serving this season, they certainly can’t say she hasn’t earned it.
Jade ends up calling her grandmother to talk about what a disaster her mom is, noting that she still doesn’t know why she got arrested in the first place, though she suspects it’s drug-related.
Finally, we head to Florida to see what (or who) Briana is doing this week. She’s back from her trip to Long Island and says things are still weird between her and John. Because Briana is planning to open up a skincare studio, she decides to use Brittany as her beauty guinea pig.
Later on, Devoin comes by the DeJesus apartment to visit Nova and even Stella is pumped to see him. Seriously, Devoin isn’t used to getting these sort of welcomes at this apartment.
Because he’s pretty much been MIA since the infamous party-for-one at the pool incident, Devoin comes bearing gifts — exactly what that place needs… another toy with 100 small accessories to shove into random places.
Back in The WV, it’s Corey’s weekend with the twins so Leah meets up with him for a kid hand-off at the Ye Olde Food Fair. Ali is still dressed up like she’s starring in a bad Civil War dinner theater production, and Corey doesn’t even question it.
He tells her that he enjoyed seeing the photos from when Ali was at camp.
“I could tell from the pictures we got that you was pretty happy,” he tells her. “I was hoping you was havin’ fun…”
Oh, she were..
Corey then reaches for one of Ali’s orange cheese snack crackers, but Ali smacks his hand out of the way.
In South Dakota, Cole picks Aubree up from school and they head home to celebrate Chelsea and Layne’s shared birthday. Chelsea (in her birthday flannel, naturally) opens up some homemade gifts courtesy of Watson and then she and Cole gift Layne with a babydoll, which she then tries to eat.
You just know Chelsea tried to spin this into Layne’s way of telling them she wants a younger sibling. After all, they have to fill up that hunk of vacant land they’re moving to somehow. (Of course, earlier in the day, when Chelsea randomly asked Other Chelsey if she should get pregnant again, Aubree screamed “NOOO!” so we know her feelings on the issue.)
In Indiana, Jade may not have the money to bust her addict mom out of jail, but she does have the cash to go get her nails done and to that we say, good for you, Jade — this may be your circus, but the those are not your monkeys.
In the middle of her manicure, Jade gets a call from her Aunt Kim who tells her that her mom and dad got arrested — her dad for possession of marijuana, possession of a controlled substance, possession of methamphetamine and possession of drug paraphernalia and her mom for the same thing, without the marijuana charge. Good to know she draws the line somewhere, we guess?
Jade and her aunt agree that Jade’s parents are better off in jail than they are roughing it on the streets so they decide to let the two of them get comfortable in their concrete accommodations for now.
I think that’s nice…
Over in Delaware, Kail starts to move in some of her wooden “family” wall signs and such before the boys get back from their respective fathers’ houses. While talking about the projects she has planned for the house, Producer Patrick pretends to be interested while secretly trying to figure out which rooms will be off limits to the crew once Chris moves in.
In Florida, it’s Nova’s first day of 2nd grade and everyone is there to see her off to class: Roxanne, Briana, Devoin, Brittany, Brittany’s eyebrows…
Before saying goodbye to Nova, Brittany sends her off with a piece of advice that I think we all should live by.
“Stay lit, Nova. Forever and always.”
After school, Briana and Brittany take Nova out to celebrate her first day/talk about how “lit” her new classmates are.
Later on, Briana and Brittany talk about actually leaving their cluttered to hell apartment. While their lease isn’t up for a few months, we hope they get a kickstart on packing because judging by the look of that place, it’s going to take a minimum of a year and a half to sort through.
That’s all for this episode! To read The Ashley’s previous ‘Teen Mom 2’ recaps, click here!
(Photos: MTV)
42 Responses
Does anyone else have a problem with jades makeup? It’s so distracting I cannot hardly pay attention to anything else. Even when she was in labor her face looked like a Halloween costume!
This show needs to be cancelled. It’s beyond boring and they are no longer teen moms.
This is also the (at least) third house that Kail has purchased as her ~forever home. She “outgrows” every mansion within the year. So unrealistic. Her kids have no clue what it means to be stable and in one place. New guy, new home every few years.
The “oh, she were..” took me OUT! I’m still dying laughing over here. As always, great recap The Ashley!
The captions were hilarious!
I didn’t mean to downvote your comment these damn things are too close together!
Kail’s house thing was so fake. They “accepted her offer” then she claims they’ll close “tomorrow.” As anyone who has ever bought a house knows, that is impossible. Especially since she was signing mortgage papers, meaning she took out a loan.
AND I’m growing tired of Chelsea’s segments all being commercials for plaid shirts you can buy at any Walmart.
Ho hum.
This episode sounds unwatchable. Apparently half the episode was dedicated to Chelsea talking about her anxiety. Way to earn that half a million dollar paycheck, Chels. Keep boring the audience to death. All the other girls story line was buying houses? Lets be honest, it was scenes like getting slapped in the face with bacon and Keiffer and his green hoodie that brought the ratings. The charm is gone and the show sucks now.
Completely agree about Chelsea! A couple of trips to Hot Topic does not a style guru make. It gets on my nerves how these girls get these opportunities dropped in their laps and have done absolutely nothing to earn it. Don’t get me wrong, Chelsea seems like a nice person, but I was over her a long time ago. Not sure what “stay lit” means, but it’s probably something Brittany just heard from her friends and thought would sound good on tv.
I meant to post this as a response to Soulmate du Jour’s comment. It sucks when you have to reload the page to comment.
I always thought “lit” was slang for being drunk or high…but I’m also an elderly 36-year old so it’s probably something different to this generation!
I’m eleven years older than you, and I thought the same thing.
Ali’s costumes are very amusing, and the fact no one bats an eye is even better.
Jade is such a great add. I think I would want to move far away from family and her ex if I was in her shoes. My parents were also never addicts so I don’t understand that aspect. I guess it is one of those things easier said than done (a close friend grew up with addicts for parents and still goes out of her way to have a relationship with both her divorced parents). The fact she got her nails done after shutting her mom down for bail money and moved away from the drug addict ex makes me want to cheer for her.
No offense to Chelsea but does it really take much creativity ability to pick out patterns of plaid to be made into shirts?
Also, what does “stay lit” even mean?
Jade’s mother appears to be as serious of a drug addict as Butch. That is about as bad as it gets. The only thing I don’t get is that if Jade’s mother uses meth, she shouldn’t be 150+ pounds overweight?
Generally, people addicted to meth lose weight, it is a sympathetic nervous system stimulator. They might be up for days, but that doesnt mean they eat.
I’ll never understand why jade doesn’t just move far away. Seems that staying is going to be a struggle. I’d rather struggle alone far away and safe than be around addicts and abusers or exposing my daughter to that life. Her excuse of keeping her child in close proximity to her addict father as incentive to be clean is sad and sick. It’s enabling behavior. It’s all she knows I guess. So sad a lot like Tyler and cate using their trauma inducing addict abusers as day care. Stop the cycle people!!
Unless Devoin brought gifts hoping to induce nudity (“baring gifts”), it should be written as “bearing gifts”. Sorry! It just always makes me laugh when I see the wrong form used because of what it could mean when it was used incorrectly.
Am I the only one who thinks Chelsea is coming off quite bitchy this season? Last nite’s episode she seemed to be even more bitchy then usual. She seems annoyed constantly. I dont know how Jo can tolerate some of the sh*t Kail says about him on the show. He could have asked for more child support from her for years and he didn’t and she constantly makes snide comments. Jade has the only interesting storyline. There are too many girls on this show.
I thought I read awhile back when people would comment how the cast would act at the reunions they said Chelsea is actually quite rude. I think they also said jenelle is nice in person.
Hi Jenelle…
Chelsea has always been a spoiled brat. I still think MTV gives her the best edits. Her and Cole are not as happy as they appear.
Chelsea must be a witch when cameras aren’t around. Just watch how everybody walks on eggshells around her. Everybody, her mom, Cole even Aubrey winces when Cheslea snaps at them.
I agree! I mean I think she’s very used to things being the way she wants. She wants to move, they move, she wants more babies she gets pregnant, she wants two weddings they have two weddings. Even before Cole, she wanted Adam so she kicked her friend out to move Adam in cause Adam didn’t want Megan there and Megan was against her getting back with Adam. I find it sad that she wants to keep filming when she’s acting like she beyond needing to be filmed. It’s the same cycle of footage of her either pregnant or moving. She’s lived a very pampered life and I think every baby she adds she can’t control things as much as she’d like so she’s now getting more testy. And to think she’s already acting like she wants more after she can’t even control panic attacks?
I see jade has mastered the classic Teen Mom “hold my phone and look down at it as I speed down the highway with my toddler in the backseat” move
It’s crazy how almost all look at their phones the majority of their driving. They know they are being filmed.
I don’t watch, just read The Ashley’s recaps! Jade’s family will bleed her dry financially and emotionally if she lets them. I hope she takes her mtv money, gets a stable house, completes some professional training and keeps them all (including loser babydaddy) at arms length.
Brianna has such a nasty attitude, she expects everyone around her to worship the ground she walks on. She has been pushing John to move there and when he finally is like I want to move here she is like oh I bought a house and I didn’t even think of our relationship, what the heck. These girls must get paid a for kail to purchase another house while she plans on renting her old house out, that isn’t such a mistake being a landlord takes a toll on you not just you but your house could be destroyed by renting to the wrong person. Leah has come such a long way and Jeremy is leading her on she should have realized he was just trying to get his public image fixed. Jade that girl has some anger issues but it seems to me she raised herself her parents are a total nightmare and her ex is just like her parents, she should get away from him for her daughters sake. I absolutely love Chelsea and Cole but she really needs to get help for anxiety there must be a root to her anxiety that she has not addressed she never used to be that way. I feel so bad for her and hopefully she can get past this and has a happy life because she has soooo much going for her!!
Just when I think I’m a worldly type of guy who is living my best life, I realize I never had to bail my parents out of jail. WTF
Stay lit
Sir Nibs
I think Jade’s parents are trying to “stay lit” Sir Nibs….LOL
I never knew anybody that had to do that either. It’s not like it’s a normal rite of passage. I feel sorry for Jade.
I am glad Ali is getting to go to camp. I grew up going, and I loved it! However, it’s weird that they sent her home in costume. I don’t blame her for not wanting to leave at all. I never did either. Anyway, thanks for the awesome recap. That way none of us have to watch the show anymore.
So many thoughts…starting with, YOU GUYS HAVE FANCY, EXPENSIVE CARS WITH BLUETOOTH. WHY DO YOU INSIST ON DRIVING WHILE HOLDING YOUR PHONES? Seriously??
Is this legal in the states where these ladies live? I doubt it.
Is Nova’s school in a strip mall? I’ve seen them drop her off twice and it looks like it’s in the plaza where Farrah’s Fro-yo joint was located.
Why doesn’t Brianna try to find a nice guy who lives in Florida rather than NY? He clearly has little to no interest into moving into the House of DeJesus otherwise he would’ve by now.
Are her mom and sister always going to be her roommates? No wonder why she can’t land a solid dude.
Yes, yes her school is in a strip mall. I think that Briana might have some kind of developmental delays and that’s why she’s always lived with her family, not trying to be mean, but I recently saw some TM3 episodes and she just comes across as foggy at times and the way that they babied her (ie. dropping her off to her first day of community college and waiting at a park across the street for her to finish her classes) is not normal for a person her age, and they still treat her like that.
“Skincare by Sharpie” ????
I call them magic marker brows ??
Looks absurd!
???? that top pic ????
This episode was beyond boring, except for Jade. Honestly, does anything good happen to this girl?! I feel bad even saying it was the only entertaining part of the show Bc her life seems so miserable. And Brianna coming back from NY telling her mom that John barely said 2 words to her and wasn’t that happy to see her was ridiculous. She was miserable the whole time and acted like the pouty, bump on a log that she is. If Brittany is so unhappy with their living situation- instead of waiting for your sister to buy you guys a bigger place- how about you move out on your own?! Oh wait- can’t break up the DeJesus coven. Seriously this episode was pathetic!
The last episode I actually watched if this shitshow was Nova’s first day of school and Chelsea in labour with Layne. I love reading the recaps though, they’re much more entertaining. It seems like in a year nothing has changed for these girls. Think it’s time to delete the backlog of episodes from my tv box!
Thank you for this, your recaps stay lit, forever and always.
Very strange thing to say to your kid.
Well, they are a very ridiculous family, but I think Brittany only says those things to try to be the comic relief (notice how she looks at the camera, rolling her eyes all the time). Not a fan of the DeJesus coven.