It’s time to check in with everyone’s favorite degenerates— The Beaver Bunch!
Rachel and her family— aka the only people on Teen Mom: Young & Pregnant who interest The Ashley enough for her to recap— are back…with more problems than ever!
We kick things off in the family’s trailer, where Rachel has just gone into the john to take a pregnancy test. Her mom, Stephanie, has sunk herself into the stained couch, fretting that her daughter has, once again, become….wait for it…Young and Pregnant!
Rachel’s daughter, Hazard Light, is only 22 weeks old, and Stephanie is worried that they won’t be able to support all of these kids. Hell, just buying the value pack ‘o’ pregnancy tests down at The Wal-Mart was a blow to the Beaver Family Budget!
“That’s two lines for pregnant, Rachel and one for not!” Stephanie bellows as Rachel marches out of the bathroom, pee dropper in hand.
Steph— who I’d imagine is an old-hat at this pregnancy testin’ stuff– instructs her daughter to “fill up that whole lil circle with pee, OK?”
It’s like biology class for the contraceptionally challenged, y’all!
Rachel starts screaming as the next test reveals that she is knocked up. (For some reason, her scantily dressed friend starts yelling, “YAY!” Maybe she’s pregnant too and is happy she’ll have someone to stand in line with at the welfare office?)
Stephanie is left crying into her lighter, as Rachel and the half-dressed pal go sit on the porch-like area to discuss this oopsie baby. Rachel calls up Koty, her “boyfriend,” to inform him that she is once again with child. Koty is surprised but a true pro-life humanitarian– and wordsmith.
“I don’t want you to f**kin’ kill it, obviously,” Koty tells her.
After they hang up, Stephanie storms outside to show Rachel the test, which, has since darkened to prove, without a doubt, that Rachel is pregnant.
Although you’d think Steph would be used to having her teenage daughters being fertilized by the local street youths, she’s not. In fact, she’s ding-dang MAD! She tells her daughter that she “done TOLD HER” to get on birth control, because she knew that Rachel and Koty weren’t being safe while they were doing the nasty. (We can assume said “nasty” was done ’round back of the trailer, or in assorted parking lots across the county…)
“Like, I literally feel like the dumbest bitch on this Earth!” Rachel says as Stephanie shakes her head vigorously in agreement.
Stephanie has come to terms with the fact that she is about to be a grandma to three illegitimate kids by her two teen daughters. Rachel, however, reminds her mom that there are “options.” (She means “the abortion,” by the way…)
“You wouldn’t want to get rid of another little Hazlee!” Steph says. “You’d regret it for the rest of your life!”
Rachel has no idea what to do with the oopsie baby in her womb. If only there were a way to prevent teenage girls from getting knocked up over and over again!
Oh…wait…
Later, Rachel tells us that this round of Knocked Up is way worse than when she found out she was pregnant with Haphazard because she already has one Oopsie Baby to take care of and keep alive. Rachel’s sister Malorie comes home to fetch her Oopsie Baby from the trailer, and Rachel tells her that she is once again sperminated.
At first, Malorie doesn’t believe Rachel. Once she realizes her sister is serious, Malorie starts racking her brain to try to figure out which of Rachel’s current Prince Charmings had the honor of knocking her up this time.
“Like…with who?” Malorie asks.
Rachel informs her sister that it was Koty who shot that faithful dose of baby juice into her loins.
“I told you you were gonna get pregnant!” Malorie tells her.
“How are you gonna get, like, a job, and a GED ‘n’ stuff like that?” she asks.
Rachel is unsure how she’s gonna get a job “raisin’ two kids,” and knows that she’ll never be able to go back to high school, now that she’s got one baby on her and one in her.
Malorie reminds Rachel that abortion is still on the table, but Rachel doesn’t think she can do that to “her own kid.”
Rachel is mad that having Hazelwood already robbed her of the drinkin’ and carousin’ she should be doing as a typical teenager. Now, with two kids, she will have no life at all!
THE HORROR!
Much like Koty did on the fateful night he impregnated her, Rachel says that “this is all just pilin’ on me!”
In the next scene, Rachel tells us that although things didn’t work out with all of her other beaus, she’s certain that she and Cody Kody Koty will make it. I mean, sure, they’ve only been together (and by “together” I mean “banging,” obviously) for a few weeks, but she is sure they will stay together.
And, because she’s so sure Koty will make a great Baby Daddy #2, she’s decided to keep this baby.
Rachel says that she and Koty both want to be together and parent this baby. Besides, says Rachel, Koty is a real winner. He treats her “real good” and if he sticks around, that will mean she won’t be alone for this pregnancy.
“He’s gonna be there for his baby and Hazlee,” she tells us.
(Not joke, if this kid even makes it through this meal at the Waffle House with Rachel without bolting, I’ll be shocked.)
Koty admits he’s scared and anxious to have a kid, but doesn’t seem particularly worried about the whole thing.
Rachel further terrifies Koty by telling him that, you know, she won’t force Hazardlights to call him “daddy,” but, you know, if she does it on her own that’s OK.
When she says this, the kid looks like he’s about to choke on whatever fried vegetable product he’s scarfing down. To his credit, though, he tells Rachel that, if they’re together, he will consider both his baby and Hazelnut to both be his kids.
If she weren’t already pregnant by Koty, hearing that statement would have made Rachel drop trou right there inside the Waffle House and let him impregnate her again!
They then start bashing Drew, who is HazMat’s biological father. Koty smiles…even though we viewers all know that, by the time Rachel’s cut-off shorts start feeling tight around her baby bump, Koty will be long gone, with nothing but an Oopsie Baby (and possibly the overpowering smell of chewin’ tobaccy and generic Ax Body Spray) left in his wake!
That’s all for this episode of The Beaver Bunch…or ‘Teen Mom: Young Pregnant Chicks’…or whatever MTV is calling this stupid show.
To read The Ashley’s previous ‘Young + Pregnant’ Rachel recap, click here!
(Photos: MTV)
43 Responses
I saw somewhere her daddy is back in Jail again. Drug related of course.
Don’t worry y’all another couple seasons of this dumb show and these freaks will be making more money than all of us on here combined! Just refer to TM & TM2 moms to if you don’t believe me!
Right? How depressing is that..
I am almost at a “loss for words” when it comes to Rachel and this family. I was really hoping to see her father in that one episode. I have a feeling he may have a longer prison record than Butch even! Taking pregnancy tests sees like a weekly thing in this trailer home. I was confused as to why Rachel’s friend seemed so happy when the Dollar Tree pregnancy test came up positive?!! She reminded me of Janelle’s old friend, Tori. “Young and Pregnant” is like a serious car wreck that everyone stops and looks at in awe. The bottom feeder producer, Morgan Freeman, has me hooked on this series! I have to admit.
Can’t wait for Kail’s maternity Shoot. Remember Lux’s? LOL. Stop making fun of Rachel. It’s obvious she lost it. Rachel is still a minor unlike Kail. She hasn’t learned anything. ITSYOURSEXLIFE.ORG
No, you get no slack because you’re 16. This is multiple “oopsie” babies and pregnant scares. She knows exactly what she’s doing every single time she doesn’t use a condom or forgets to take her pill.
And, seriously, what is your issue with Kail? It’s literally every article written on this site that you’re in the comments with something Kail related to say.
Yes this person is obsessed with Kail, it’s a little disturbing. Even articles that have nothing to do with Kail, they post about her. A few weeks ago when Kobe died, they C&P the same comment on like 5-6 articles saying that Kail (and multiple other reality show people) had posted clickbait about it.
So what if I did? It’s the truth.
Hey Kail. Don’t yall see she’s the rat for this page. Making fun of a miscarriage isn’t funny. Not one joke on here about Kail getting knocked up again.
That’s because this article isn’t about Kail, there were plenty of comments about her being pregnant YET AGAIN by a man who wants nothing to do with her, except when she’s spreading her legs for him. At least she has a college degree to fall back on when she show is over, and isn’t relying on the government to feed her kids like Rachel & Malorie.
Are…are you calling me Kail? I’m confused…
And there were multiple jokes at Kail’s expense recently because she got knocked up again, on articles actually about Kail.
You’ve got serious stalker-ish issues with her at this point.
What does Kail’s maternity shoot have anything to do with TMY&P? Oh wait, that’s right. 99% of the shit you post is irrelevant rantings about Kail, like her cutting Chris’ dreads. So what? What if he wanted her to? You sound unbalanced.
You are a kiss ass
Being a Kiss Ass is better than being a Dumb Ass.?
Nobody likes a smart ass. Smart Ass.
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She miscarried so I’m not sure how “funny” this is
Beaver and butthead….
Lol@ beaver and butt head.
That’s one eager beaver
Lol.
At this point, it’s no longer an accident. You can only have so many oopsie babies and pregnancy scares before you’re just doing the shit intentionally.
This is the best recap I’ve ever read, The Ashley!
What’s with these pregnancy tests? What happened to just peeing on a stick and waiting for the lines to show up? It’s like a science lab in this trailer whenever someone has to take a test (which apparently is pretty often!)
The more expensive ones you can just pee on, but the cheap $1 ones you have to pee in a cup or something and use a dropper. I don’t know why but thats how they are.
Sure you’d attack a defenseless baby n make fun of her name
No one is making fun of the baby. And it is a shit name…..
Go teach your girls about birth control Stephanie.
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This writer is putrid in my books .. this beautiful baby didn’t ask to be born into the situation she was n too have some keyboard warrior think they’re all that n a bag of chips attacking a baby is just disgusting.. her name is hazelee not hazzard lights and all the rest ..
First of all, how is this even possible? Does this really happen in the world? Teenagers having babies back to back with DIFFERENT MEN?! Honestly how do these babies even have food in their stomachs? Who is buying the food and diapers and clothes? I know many parents who both work yet still struggle to provide basic necessities for their kids. Surely these people aren’t educated enough to provide proper nutrition to their kids so I can only guess that the babies diets consist of fries, juice, wonder bread… etc
The government pays. WIC for formula, diapers and healthy foods. On top of whatever other kinds of assistance they receive. I don’t know how much they get monthly, but I have heard that it is a fair amount. I’m all for assistance, especially when it comes to feeding children…but there is such a thing as over reliance.
Yes I guess this is how the kids are alive. I received WIC benefits when I had my daughter because I was in an awful situation with her father and I did not have help. I was stuck and the benefits were for my BABY, not me. I still worked and did as much as I could for her but it wasn’t enough. Sometimes folks need help. But having kids back to back and relying on the government is disgusting, especially these teens with different dads for each kid.
Teenagers having back to back babies with different people definitely happens – especially in poorer areas of the country. As for who is paying for these kids and feeding them, the government, aka the taxpayers, are doing that. It appears that the Beaver family is one of those who will live off of the government for generations. Someone has to make the decision to break the cycle, but first they need someone to show them that there’s way more to life than popping out kids, living in the trailer park, and collecting welfare.
Did you see the baby open her Xmas present?
It was sometime of baby biscuits in a box and roaches come crawling out when the paper came off.
She doesn’t look pregnant in any of her recent pictures, so I’m guessing she had a miscarriage. Which, sadly, is probably for the best. Hopefully, she got on some long-term birth control now, like the implant, cause we know those legs aren’t gonna stay closed.
HAVESEVERALSEATS-You dumb cunt. You do realize people don’t get big fat pregnant looking belly’s the day they find out they’re pregnant right. I’m surprised a dipshit like you even knows how babies are made. Maybe your mom should’ve swallowed you her let you dribble down her leg instead of birthing you.
She said in her recent pictures. Obviously she is not talking about when they filmed this but, rather now during current time.
This season was shot several months ago. Meaning, if she was still pregnant, she’d have a belly by now. Which is what HAVESEVERALSEATS was saying!!! If you read her comment, she does say in her RECENT pictures!!! Who do you think you are to come on here and say that kind of stuff to someone?! Especially when your comment made zero sense!!! Go somewhere else with your nastiness & negativity!!!!!
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I was thinking the same thing. She’s too young to make this kind of decision and I’m glad that her mother didn’t force the subject either. I know a lot of parents that wouldn’t even ask they would just take you and get it done. I just hope for her sake that she gets on birth control and sticks with it.
Preview for next week shows that she does indeed have a miscarriage.
I don’t understand how a bunch of regular drug users and smokers can have such strong ethics towards abortion. I’m sure the recreational drugs that they take are harder than Plan B. No judgment, js.
Poor Rachel she literally latches on to any man who shows her attention and affection. This is the effect absent father’s have on their daughters. I admire Stephanie for stepping up and working to keep her grandkids in the home. Rachel needs a mentor who will show how to want more from your life beside back to back babies . She definitely has arrested development.
I wouldn’t say she had arrested development, she’s only what, 16? A little immature, yes… but it’s not like she’s 21/22 acting like this.
I was thinking the same thing. A lot of women have abortions and, although it’s not alway an easy decision, plenty do not regret it because they know it’s for the best. Considering it appears that Rachel is not in fact currently pregnant, I’m hoping she made a good decision..
Just gonna pop in real quick to say The Plan B pill is not an abortion and is not effective if you are already pregnant.