Hi-dee-ho, trash TV lovers! It’s time to gather up them Ooopsie Babies and settle down deep into your sofa (a la Amber Portwood) to watch our five heroines make more bad life decisions, go on more vacations and get into more fights with their assorted baby daddies!

And….luckily for us, MTV was there to document it all!

This is a Very Special Episode of the show because it brings all the girls together all the girls together except Mackenzie in several scenes. (Poor Mack has been discarded from the group like Butch‘s cut-off rattail, apparently.) 

We kick things off in Michigan, where Catelynn and Tyler have just returned from their blindfold-filled, spontaneous luxury vacation to Hawaii. Cate says that the trip helped them “get into a good place” (so…basically…they banged). However, Cate’s made-for-TV pal Amber is not in a good place, due to her upcoming court hearing, so Catelynn reaches out to her to check in.

Cate had intended to just toss out the ambiguous “let me know if you need anything” to Amber and then not doing anything…but Amber— forever needy— has other plans. She tells Cate that she really needs the support of her ‘Teen Mom’ cast members at her upcoming hearing. Of course, Catelynn has no problem jumping on a plane for yet another spontaneous trip, and tells Amber she’ll be there.

Tyler does not seem thrilled that he’ll be on double crotch-goblin duty while Catelynn “supports” Amber in Indiana. 

Ty brings up the fact that court dates and abuse charges are old-hat for Amber, but Catelynn argues that “Amber doesn’t usually ask for help.”

UM….?!?!?

Catelynn calls up Maci to see if she, too, got roped into going to this courthouse circus performance, and Maci confirms that she has. 

Cheyenne has also been recruited to drop everything and sprint over to Indiana to sit in a courtroom for Amber. Cory will be watching Ryder while Cheyenne’s away. Cory has apparently turned into Dr. Spock in Cornrows since the last episode, and is schooling Cheyenne on all things parenting, and pointing out all the crap she’s doing wrong with their kid. 

(Cory better watch his mouth or Chey may come back from Indiana with Amber’s “Mother Goddess” sword and start swinging!) 

A few days later, Cheyenne, Catelynn and Maci have all arrived in Indiana to “support” Amber. They load up into a car and talk about how they’ve only heard one side of what the hell went down that night at Amber’s Lil’ House ‘o’ Holiday Horrors. The “side” they’ve gotten, they say, is the media’s side, not Amber’s or even Andrew’s. They say even if Amber did, in fact, try to go all “Michael Myers” on her boooooyfriend that night, she still deserves their love and support. 

They roll up to a house where Amber is standing outside waiting, suitcase in hand. Amber is thrilled to see the girls, greeting them with a hug before jumping into their car. 

Amber says that the situation is “killing” her but Maci reminds her that she’s way too tough for a little domestic violence abuse case to kill her. Amber says she didn’t sleep for five days after she was sprung from the clink, due to her confusion.

Amber said that Andrew had been acting weird “for quite some time” and that she had found out things through lawyers and bank statement sleuthing and whatnot which made her concerned.

The girls pump Amber to spill the details on what went down that night with Andrew, but Amber says she can’t talk about it. She does mention that her daughter Leah is really worried for her right now, though.

Cheyenne suggests that they all scream into the camera…for some reason. Amber agrees and soon they’re all shrieking like Gary if someone had dropped some Ben & Jerry’s on his beloved Lazy Boy chair.

The next day is Amber’s hearing. The entire circus train— the ‘Teen Mom’ girls, Gary and Kristina, the ‘Teen Mom’ producers and a camera crew— all head to the courthouse to “support” Amber. Andrew has also arrived at the courthouse, but he is apparently not feeling very “chatty” and ignores the cameras. He also walks right past Amber and the OG crew without even looking at them, which pisses Amber off. 

The gang prays to the the Jesus God Leah that Amber will get to see James again, and then they all head into the courtroom. Unfortunately, the judge isn’t cool with MTV cameras, so we have to see what played out in there via some very creepy court drawings. 

Amber tells us that the protective order forbiding her from seeing her son James has been lifted…but….she’s been issued a gag order so she is not allowed to discuss the case with anyone, including a ‘Teen Mom’ film crew! GULP!

Once inside the car, Amber says she’s surprised that Andrew had no emotion toward her.

“Narcissist!” Maci proclaims.

Later, Gary (snuggled into his trusty Lazy Boy chair) discusses the court hearing with Kristina. Gary says he’s supporting Amber only because she “doesn’t deserve everything this guy’s trying to do.” He still believes Amber is a good person, despite her fist-swinging and machete-pulling ways.

Back at Amber’s, she’s telling the girls that she can’t give men chances anymore because they always screw her over.

She says it’s been hard to go from being an every day mom to being an “every other day mom.”

Um…? 

Amber starts to cry because she believes everyone is looking at her “like she’s a piece of s**t.” 

The next day, Producer Larry and Producer David ring up ol’ Andy to see if he would like to tell his side of The Great Machete Caper…in front of rolling MTV cameras, natch. Andrew agrees, and the guys trek over there to talk to him. We only hear the audio part of the conversation going on inside the house.

“We never, ever air just a one-sided story,” Larry says. “We just don’t.”

Um…..?

“It’s not my job to get her mentally stable,” Andrew says of Amber. “I can’t do it anymore.”

Big Andy makes it clear that if they want to capture this Kodak moment on their cameras, it’s gonna cost them. They then flash a message on the screen that Andrew has chosen not to share his story. (You can click here to read The Ashley’s recent interview with Andrew to get his actual side of what went down on the day that MTV came a’knockin’!) 

Back in Tennessee, Taylor is hanging out with the assorted Oopsie Babies while Maci is away “helping” Amber. Jayde is trying her hand at stand-up comedy this episode. 

Meanwhile, Bentley is subjected to a day of family fun on the golf course with the Edwards crew. The outing gets off to a very on-brand start when Ryan shows some jealously over the new golf gear that his parents purchased for Bentley. 

After the group loads into their respective golf carts, it’s not long before Ryan is picking a fight with Bentley over the golf score and fist-bumping his wife Mackenzie along the way. 

Ryan may look like a senior citizen, but he’s acting like a third grader. He’s bickering with his 11-year-old son about how many swings everyone took. Larry tries to get “the kids” to stop fighting but it’s no use. Bentley tells his grandparents that his dad is incorrectly calculating the score….and being mean in the process.

Ryan and Mackenzie seem to be enjoying Bentley’s aggravation just a little too much… especially when Bentley makes a bad shot and they both laugh at him from the comforts of their golf cart.  Mimi Jen scolds Ryan for being a jerk.

Later on, Ryan and Mackenzie recap their golf outing over dinner. They both agree that it was nice picking on spending time with Bentley, given that he usually has baseball games “out the wazoo.” Aside from spending time with Bentley, Ryan seems to have enjoyed frustrating him even more. Though in Ryan’s defense, frustrating people is kind of his specialty. 

A few days later, Maci returns from her trip and Taylor wants to know how Amber is doing. He says it’s good that Maci and the others were there to support Amber as a friend and sister in teenage pregnancy fame.

Maci says as Amber’s friend, she feels helpless and calls the ordeal “a freakin’ mess.” Taylor manages to point out one positive in Amber’s life — her co-parenting situation with Gary and Kristina, noting that it would be a nice place for them to get to with Ryan and Mackenzie.

“We’re a ways away from that kind of co-parenting relationship,” he tells Maci. 

“Yeah, I mean considering they have one and we don’t,” she replies. “They have a decent one at that.” 

Over in Michigan, Tyler is hanging out with a random, dentally challenged friend on the porch. He tells his pal how “dope” it was that Catelynn surprised him by taking him to Maui, since he’s usually the one who has to do the romancing. 

Tyler says he’s thrilled that Catelynn is doing better these days, given what a complete diarrhea stain of a life she’s had, what with the unexpected pregnancy and adoption with Carly, April‘s substance abuse problems and that whole marrying-Butch thing, and her own mental health issues. 

“Cate, she don’t know how to deal with stuff,” Tyler proclaims. 

He adds that, as soon as Cate is home from “helping Amber,” she plans to go down to her psychiatrist to talk about getting off some of her meds. 

A few days later, Catelynn is back from “supporting Amber,” so she scurries on down to see her psychiatrist. Cate’s psychiatrist confirms with Cate that her mood is at a 10, but she fails to acknowledge her outfit, which, thanks in large part to her ’Teen Mom OG’ hoodie, is also a 10. 

Cate’s psychiatrist then runs down all of the other components in Cate’s life to make sure things are good there as well, including any looming “postpartum symptoms.” Cate asks her doctor for a friendly reminder of those symptoms, aside from “being sad” and wanting to buy a truck load of therapy horses. Cate’s psychiatrist first mentions Cate’s energy level. 

She goes on to mention excessive guilt as a symptom, but Cate assures her doctor that everything is going as smoothly as her side bangs.

Cate is doing so well in fact, that she asks her doctor about her medication and the possibility of one day no longer having to take it. Cate’s doctor says if she were to go off the medication, she could have withdraw symptoms but after years of counseling, she could possibly be weened off of them. 

Later on, Cate tells Tyler all about her appointment and Tyler is very engaged. 

Tyler says if he met Cate when she was on the wrong medication, he would’ve basically run the other way. Cate says as long as her current meds are working, she has no reason to stop taking them… she just feels the need to talk about not taking them for story line purposes. 

Over in Los Angeles, Ryder is staying with Cory and Taylor while Cheyenne is in Indiana being a contractually obligated supportive co-star. After wrangling Ryder and getting her to go to sleep, Cory tells Taylor that Ryder is getting to the age where she’s going to notice the different rules at each of her parents’ houses and he doesn’t want to “be the mean dad.” 

Cory says when watching the footage and checking himself out from the previous season, he saw how out of control Ryder was with Matt and Cheyenne and how his toddler pretty much runs the show and he feels like he should talk to Cheyenne about to get some extra screen time. 

Taylor, who appears to have the personality level of a potato with a ponytail, occasionally utters “Yeah” in response to Cory’s rant. 

The next day, Cheyenne is back from Indiana and is having a pool party with her family, so Cory stops by to drop off Ryder. (Chey’s sheer thong bathing suit, which she usually wears for family outdoor gatherings, must be at the cleaner’s because she’s actually fully dressed this time.) 

Before leaving, Cory talks to Cheyenne about establishing a solid bedtime for Ryder and encourages her to start reading to Ryder on a regular basis. Cheyenne nods to Cory’s suggestions, which causes him to accuse her of not taking him seriously.

Cheyenne says she is taking Cory seriously; however, she feels like he just assumes she isn’t doing these things rather than asking her if she’s doing them. Cory tells Cheyenne he feels like her focus has shifted and he doesn’t know if it’s on Ryder. 

“You sound f**king stupid to say that to me,” she tells him. “You sound crazy. You sound crazy and I’m not going to take it.”

Cheyenne tells Cory that Ryder comes first and that she’s basically been doing the bulk of the parenting all on her own. She goes up one side of Cory and down the other, telling him she does all of Ryder’s classes, doctor’s appointments and scheduling, and that it’s downright disrespectful for him to tell her she’s not focused on her kid. 

Hold on to your machetes, folks! This could get dangerous….

At long last, we check in with poor Mackenzie. (‘Member her?) She wasn’t invited on the Indiana Adventure with the other girls, but it’s probably for the best, being that she’s got plenty going on in her own life. 

Mack is trying to keep all youngins alive while Josh is living away from the family home, due to his inability to keep it zipped during a frisky night at ol’ Billy Bob’s Bar & Truckstop. The kids are about to start school, so Mackenzie tromps through her daughter Jaxie’s room (stepping over the piles of assorted crap–possibly both literally and figuratively) to find a clean frock to put the kid in for the first day of school.

Later that day, she meets up with her mom Angie and sister Whitney to talk about workout leggings (or something), as well as Gannon’s upcoming birthday party, which may or may not be attended by Joshy. Mackenzie says that currently, Josh’s living situation is that of Jenelle’s former booooyfriend Kieffer: he’s sleeping on random couches, in sheds and wherever the hell he can rest his cheating head.

A few days later, the Styrofoam containers of taco-like product have arrived which means…it’s birthday party time! Josh has made an appearance, as have an assortment of kids and random animals. 

Josh only stays long enough to shovel down a few tacos before he starts to head for the door. Mackenzie confronts him and tells him he’s wrong for leaving his son’s party so early. Josh doesn’t appear to be too worried about it. He kisses his birthday youngin on his head and dashes out the front door. 

Mack goes inside and bashes Josh to her sister, and then it’s time to bring out the cake.

The next day, the youngins are running amok, shaking sodas in the living room (as you do). Mack’s trusty sis Whitney is back to talk more about the Josh situation. She says that she knows Mackenzie and Josh already had a s**tcan marriage, and Mack agrees that Josh’s cowgirl wranglin’ was the “cherry on top” of their craptastic marriage sundae. 

Mackenzie begins to cry and says Josh makes her feel ugly and that she can’t love him anymore. She also admits that she’s forced her relationship with Josh for the entire nine years they’ve been together, because she got knocked up at 16 and wanted to make things work.

She even admits that she knew Josh didn’t love her on the day they got married. 

“I hate that I married him,” she says.

She realizes that she’s been unhappy ever since she got with Josh, and that she has spent her entire young adulthood trying to pretend she was happy living with him. She says she wishes she could go back to when she was 16 and steer clear of Josh….and/or worked harder to snag a spot on a ‘Teen Mom’ show earlier…

That’s all for this episode! Yeehaw, y’all! 

To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous ‘Teen Mom OG’ episode, click here! 

(Photos: MTV)