After 73 different moving days, nearly a dozen Polygamist Barbie Dream House presentations, countless breakdowns and plenty of ups and downs (courtesy of Meri‘s elevator and/or mood swings), Season 14 of Sister Wives is finally coming to and end …and we’re still trying to figure out what the hell is going on with Kody‘s hair.  

So without further ado, climb into the front seat of one of the many moving trucks you’re currently renting and get comfortable as we make like the Brown family and unpack this season finale.

This episode picks up two days before Maddie’s second bathtub baby is due to cannonball into the world. While awaiting the baby’s arrival, Janelle has been staying in North Carolina to help out and Christine has just arrived back from Flagstaff so that she can be there for the birth as well. 

Christine and Janelle explain that they’ve pretty much been plural wife parenting pals since they both started getting knocked up by Kody, so it only makes sense that Christine is there for the birth of Maddie’s baby. As for why the other wives didn’t come along, Janelle explains that Robyn is busy tending to her own herd of kids/scouring the city for rental homes/randomly bursting into tears/digging through her fleet of moving trucks, while Meri is working “like a maniac” to become America’s Next Top Legging Salesperson. 

As for the men in this equation, Kody and his backpack are on standby in Arizona, ready to fly out as soon as Maddie goes into labor, and Caleb is continuing to work.

Back in Flagstaff, Kody and Robyn head in to talk to their mortgage consultant to get an update on this darn loan. More importantly, they want to know if Kody having a team of wives is going to throw a wrench in their plans, and in turn, force them to throw a pop-up tent on Coyote Pass.

Once they’re in Kelly the consultant’s office, Kody begins making excuses for why he and Robyn waited until they were practically living out of hobo sacks on stick before finding a new place to live.

Surprisingly, Kody doesn’t jump at the opportunity to throw Robyn under the moving truck bus, though we’re sure it’s only a matter of time before he does something far more offensive, so let’s not give him any credit just yet. 

Kelly tells Robyn and Kody that the loan is still in underwriting but overall, it looks like they could get the keys to the new home in a couple of weeks. 

Robyn looks, um, thrilled.

Kelly is then forced to listen to Kody and Robyn talk about their fleet of moving trucks and the obvious challenges that come with being in a plural marriage. Kelly plays it cool while listening to Kody and Robyn complain about the issues they’ve brought upon themselves and he appears to be pretty positive about the Brown’s situation. That is, until Kody and Robyn leave his office.  

Back in North Carolina, Maddie’s due date is finally here and Maddie is once again at the birthing center, looking for a bathtub to expel The Grandspawn ‘o’ Kody in. She is also once again reminding everyone that she’s “done being pregnant.” 

Janelle then shares the fun ways in which Maddie’s midwife will help to ensure that bathtub baby #2 splish-splashes itself out of Maddie’s baby chute ASAP and the whole experience sounds about as fun as shopping for rental homes with Robyn. 

Maddie reminds everyone that she’s choosing to give birth in a bathtub — or a shower, she adds — because she isn’t a fan of the hospital environment, similar to how her dad isn’t a fan of environments where the focus isn’t solely on him. 

Since she still hasn’t gone into labor, Maddie decides to head home and talk to Caleb about this whole membrane-stripping situation, giving us a second time to get that mental picture stuck in our heads.

Meanwhile, Janelle and Christine try to wrap their heads around the idea of monogamy, specifically the part about husbands and wives actually communicating with one another before making big decisions between the two of them only and not having to consult The Bitchy Leggings Lady on the Hill, and the Crying Woman in the Corner and whatnot. 

When we check back in with Kody in Flagstaff, we see that he’s been getting some help from Grandma Cheryl in wrangling his litter o’ children while Janelle and Christine are in North Carolina. However, because Kody likes to check in (for filming purposes) on occasion, he visits with Gabriel, who we learn is hitting the books extra hard in order to graduate from high school a year early and get the hell away from his family.

He may be the smartest person in this family, honestly (except for maybe Maddie’s unborn baby who is smart enough to know to stay in Maddie’s baby grower– and away from these crazies— for as long as possible!) 

Unfortunately for Gabriel, Kody didn’t exactly excel in school (take a second to get over your shock!) This means Kody can’t offer a lot of help in the homework department, unless it involves giving poorly thought-out power point presentations about houses.  

Naturally, Kody feels the need to assure everyone that what he lacked in academic achievements, he made up for in social skills — something he obviously applied in his adult life, hence the whole four wives thing. 

Over in North Carolina, we find out that before Maddie made it back home, her water broke in the parking lot of a shopping mall. When Maddie calls Caleb, she finds out he’s still two hours away from the birthing center so they plan to meet there, hopefully before bathtub baby #2 arrives. 

Once they arrive back at the birthing center, Maddie makes her way inside for the 421st time and is immediately doubled over in pain. Caleb has yet to arrive and Janelle has called Kody who is now on his way as well. In an effort to stall things a bit, Maddie happily assumes her normal position in the bathtub.  

At this point, Caleb is still an hour and a half away and Maddie is still chilling in the bathtub, “embracing the pain,” as Janelle says.

She’s also embracing the ability to block out Christine, who insists on giving bathtub pep-talks in a really creepy voice. As much as that makes us want to barf (and we’re not even heaving a child through our loins!) it could be worse: Christine could have organized a family flash mob dance for the occasion. 

Luckily, Caleb finally arrives at the birthing center before the baby is born and before Maddie backhands Christine.

Because she has some humility, Maddie decides to kick the camera crew out for her actual birth, though unfortunately, the sound crew didn’t get the memo.

Soon it’s time for the baby to arrive and Janelle is given the honor of “catching” baby Evie… the first “good catch” she’s made in her life. 

Shortly after the baby’s birth, they realize that Evie is having a hard time breathing because of something called Transient Tachypnea of the Newborn (TTN). To make sure everything is OK, the midwife says Evie will need to go to the hospital. Within minutes, an ambulance arrives and baby Evie is placed on a stretcher and loaded up in the ambulance, while Caleb and Christine standby outside, understandably worried.

Cameras were not permitted in the hospital but when we check back in with Maddie and the rest of the family, it’s been three days since Evie’s birth and she is finally being released from the hospital. 

Janelle says Evie made a full recovery in the hospital and her lungs are now working great. Once the family arrives back at Maddie and Caleb’s house, everyone is eager to hold Evie, but of course, Kody has to guilt everyone into letting him be the first, despite Maddie and Caleb having already given their daughter the middle name “Kodi” after him. 

After talking about the inspiration behind Evie’s name, Maddie then discusses Evie’s Fibular Aplasia, Tibial Campomelia and Oligosyndactyly (FATCO) Syndrome — a condition she said they knew about prior to her birth. Maddie explains that because of the FATCO Syndrome, Evie is missing her fibula, a toe, two fingers and a thumb. She also has a bowed tibia, two of her fingers are fused together and the other finger is webbed to the ones that are fused. Maddie says she doesn’t want her daughter to ever feel like she has limitations and she wants her to “feel as normal in the sense as possible.” 

“She’s special, but I don’t think she can’t not do something,” she says. “If she wants to do ballet, I don’t want her to ever feel like she can’t do ballet, like, ‘I can’t because I have limb difference.’ No, you get up and you do the ballet. She’s gonna be a fierce fighter.” 

Even with the stress of having two young kids — one of whom is a newborn with a unique health condition — Maddie and Caleb take comfort in the fact that they don’t have to deal with Kody, Robyn’s obsession with rental homes, Polygamist Barbie Dream House presentations, renting (and then filling) moving trucks on the regular, and whatever mid-life crisis hairstyle Kody is bound to come up with next. 

That’s all for this episode and this season! Pray to the Hair Gods this crappy show gets renewed so we get to do more ‘Sister Wives’ recaps! 

To read The Ashley’s previous ’Sister Wives’ recaps, click here! 

RELATED STORY: ‘Sister Wives’ Star Kody Brown Talks About How Quarantine & Social Distancing Have Affected His Relationships with His Four Wives & His Kids 

(Photos: TLC)