Gather ’round, kiddies! It’s time for another round of what can only be labeled “WTF Farrah?”

Farrah Abraham took to YouTube recently  to discuss everything from her former Teen Mom co-stars and crew members, to phenomenal parenting (hers, naturally), the Kardashian family and why in the end, everything is Bristol Palin‘s fault. 

To save you the pain of having to hear Farrah treat the English language with the same respect with which she treats her own backdoor (none whatsoever), The Ashley has broken down Farrah’s nearly half-hour stream of consciousness video and pulled out 17 gems that are guaranteed to make you say, “WTF Farrah?!”

Without further ado, here are some of the weird things Farrah said in her latest video:

1. She is bombarded by fans regularly about making her return to TV.

Farrah says she is “bothered and bombarded” by fans “every day, if not weekly” (yes, you read that right) about returning to ‘Teen Mom.’ 

2. The “record low” ratings of ’Teen Mom’ can be blamed on… Bristol Palin.

It appears that Farrah never got over the grudge she apparently had for Bristol, who replaced Farrah on ‘Teen Mom OG’ after Farrah was axed. In her video, Farrah blamed the low ratings of the show on Bristol…even though Bristol isn’t on the show anymore and hasn’t been for a whole season.

“I think that the ratings are low because maybe Exhibit A, which is Bristol Palin, who really had trouble, you know, with dealing with press and news about filling my shoes,” she said. 

Bristol departed the show after one season; however, Farrah went on to explain that no one could successful replace fill her hooves on ‘Teen Mom OG’, whether it be Bristol or a whole bevy of teen moms… Which brings us to the third weird thing Farrah said in her video: 

3. She doesn’t know exactly who was brought on to replace on her ‘Teen Mom’, but she knows they’ve done a terrible job. 

“I think even with Bristol some of the other girls they had put in there – I think there was three at a time to fill my shoes, maybe there was four or more, I have no idea – really you could take the whole cast try to fill my shoes and yet, not fill my shoes,” she said. 

4. She hints that Bristol is some sort of stalker… and seems to have no idea that “Single White Female” & “Girl, Interrupted” are two entirely different movies. 

Farrah went on to talk about a particular super fan (whom we can assume has a name that rhymes with “Cristol Malin”) that is allegedly a Farrah-specific fanatic who stalks her. 

“ … And you also have somebody who’s been on speaking panels with us for teen pregnancy who also tried to film my shoots and who couldn’t, as well moved to where I live and was like really weird and that’s like, White Girl Interrupted … ,” she said.

(The Ashley is a certified “Farrah Speak” specialist and will try to help those of you who are having trouble understanding what Farrah is trying to say here. She is basically squawking that Bristol– who once did a few speaking engagements with Farrah and Maci Bookout— couldn’t shoot scenes for ‘Teen Mom OG’ as well as Farrah could. She then says that Bristol moved to Austin, Texas —where Farrah lived for a time— because Bristol wanted to be like Farrah and stalked her “Single White Female”-style. The Ashley has no clue why the movie “Girl, Interrupted” was brought up, as it has nothing to do with anything that Farrah spoke about.)

5. She thinks Amber Portwood needs to cool it with the lie-detector tests.

When “asked by fans” to react to Amber‘s latest polygraph probing, Farrah did that thing that we all hate: made us actually side with her. 

“ … If you have to keep giving men lie-detector tests and they’re always lying to you, I think maybe sometimes it’s time to like, break apart from where you are, which is surrounding yourself with where you’re stuck and just kind of stop doing the whole lie-detector testing thing and you know, free yourself,” she said. 

6. She thinks the ‘Teen Mom’ crew deserved the poor treatment she gave them on the show & says “they were kind of lucky” that she gave them a job. 

Back in 2018, The Ashley’s behind-the-scenes sources told her about five of the ridiculous things Farrah did and said to the ‘Teen Mom OG’ producers and crew. Despite how mean some of her actions were, Farrah defended her behavior in her new video, stating that the crew was lucky to be in her presence at all! She also chided them for being “overstepped by boundaries.” 

Yessssss….

“I really react in a way to those people who, I guess really rode on my coattails, really didn’t respect a mother’s voice that they were supposed to document and show eloquently they definitely failed to do that,” she said.

“I still look back and I see, you know, people on the crew really overstepped by boundaries, really not respect a mother’s voice and I think somebody who gave them all jobs and at a time where they were kind of lucky to be on an international franchise, I think really just respecting, really being hateful and again, just not having any sense of documenting true television goes to show I really wasn’t working with the quality of people who I should have …” 

7. She’s actually proud of her past behavior on the show, given that she feels she was being manipulated & “plotted against” at the time.

“ … I can only say I attempted to work with my main core story producer who, even though there was challenges and you know, she wasn’t a parent at the time and I think as an amazing parent that I am now and I look back at that, I’m actually so proud of myself that I didn’t even understand the degree of manipulation and hatred towards myself and being a stand-up, strong, single mom who, even when her parents don’t understand the dynamics of filming or what is being plotted against their daughter and them and their grandchild,” she said.

“I am so proud of myself for actually being tolerant and as kind as I can be to people who really did not deserve it.” 

(Allow The Ashley to translate this gob of Farrah Speak for you: Farrah is basically saying she is the best parent, reality TV star, daughter and person for not locking those who said anything bad about her in her driveway Porta-potty.)

8. She’s big on giving herself kudos… lots of kudos. 

“Kudos to me, being a single teen mom and really just being track of a whole crew that was against me, you know,” she said. “Kudos to me, being an amazing mom.”   

9. She thinks everyone is dying for her to return to ‘Teen Mom OG.’

“I understand everyone’s pain, I understand everyone’s feelings, I get it. You want me to come back to ‘Teen Mom.’” she said. “I have to say though, it’s kind of great feeling wild …”

10. In addition to feeling “wild,” she says it’s great to “strive for better.”

Naturally, Farrah feels she’s too good for ‘Teen Mom OG,’ and may not go back to ‘Teen Mom’ even if the show’s execs wanted her to come back. (They don’t, by the way…)

“ … Like, being challenged, growing up from being on a TV show encapsulated, which by the way, like, all I knew was TV, like, that was my life and you know, my life is still TV but in a business way and in an entertainment real business way to not be taken advantage of or manipulated against,” she (sort of) explained. 

11. She credits therapy for making her the balanced person she is today.

“ … And you know, I am so lucky that I got all the therapy and more in the world so that I could truly come out balanced and stronger than my TV time,” she said. 

12. She says reality TV families like the Kardashians are “stuck in TV” & she’s happy to not be like them & instead be able to be “wild.”

“You know, some families get stuck there, like, you know, a Kardashian, like they are stuck in TV,” she said. “They don’t ever imagine their selves outside of TV. I wouldn’t want to see them outside of TV. I think TV is awesome for them. I never thought I could be strong enough to take a break and go be my real, wild self and grow myself … .” 

13. She compares going off to be her “wild self” to the career paths of Christina Aguilera & Britney Spears. 

At several points during their careers, Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears each veered off the pop star course that was set out for them, exploring their sexuality and becoming more independent. Farrah compared her life path to the singers’.

“I really emulate and I am thankful for some of the things that I’ve seen, how their strengths and you know, how their careers have exploded and gone so much farther,” she said. 

14. She says she’s “blessed for being a strong female” – unlike her former ‘Teen Mom OG’ co-star Maci Bookout. 

She stated that ‘Teen Mom OG’ fans have the wrong idea about which of the show’s stars have accomplished the most. (Naturally, the correct answer here is: Farrah…Farrah has accomplished the most…)

“I’m not succumbing to a man’s mediocrity or writing in my storyline like, thinking Maci’s an achiever when really it’s Farrah Abraham who’s the achiever,” she said. “Are you a New York Times Best Seller? Somebody had to switch to a different degree or just drop out of college because of me.” 

15. She believes it’s sad to see “women hate on women” (yes, you read that right) & seeing women who don’t think for themselves. 

Farrah began to bust out the big words to show her “smarts” while talking about how wrong it is that some women bully other women. (Mind you, this is the same woman who did this last month.)

“You know, it’s sad to see women hate on women, but it’s also sad to women reverse psychologied against you by males and vice-versa, so I am so blessed that now I see why there’s sometimes a negative stigma towards me because it’s allowed by the casting and other people of [‘Teen Mom’] … ,” she said (assuming we’re not flat-out hallucinating this nonsense at this point).

16. Farrah says she would like to see herself (or someone like her) on TV again – someone who can represent both “the man and the husband.” 

Farrah then attempted to “slickly” campaign to get herself another TV gig. (She also hilariously claimed that she is both “the man and the husband” in her family.)

“I would love to see a woman like me on TV again,” she said. “I would love to see a woman like me who can be the man and the husband in the family, who really cares for a better relationship with her daughter, who cares to actually be a role model to other people in this community all over, whether, you know, all different formula families … .” 

17. In the Brain ‘o’ Farrah, the amount of people who are intimidated by her proves to her how much of a terror strong she really is. 

“I think others who feel intimidated by me, whether that’s men, whether that’s women, and they all have to gang up on one person, I think that just shows how strong of a person I really am,” Farrah said, while also reminiscing on her reality TV journey from villain to voice of reason.

(Um?)

If you’re not completely brain-dead by this point, you can watch Farrah’s full video below!

RELATED STORY: Amber Portwood Rants After Having Her Relationship with Dimitri Garcia Compared to Troubled “90 Day Fiance” Couple; Claims She Was Abused By Past Lovers & “Choked Out & Spit On” 

(Photos: YouTube; WEtv; MTV; Instagram)