It’s official, guys: the damn Coronavirus has infected the Teen Mom 2 universe. All of our gals this week are dealing with COVID-19 ruining everything: from vacations, to book tours, to plots to get money from their baby daddies!

We start things off in The WV, where Leah and the girlseses have been “in the quarantine” for three weeks. (Leah makes sure to remind us that, again, they are stuck in the house thanks to Ali’s condition.) The twinseses are missing their dad, Corey Tyler, so Leah and Corey put their noggins together to come up with a plan to get them to see him.

Corey Tyler talks straight into the Internet box and tells us that he and Leah agreed that the twinseses can safely come to his house if he takes the appropriate precautions. (Unlike Leah, Corey doesn’t throw poor Ali under the bus and essentially blame her for the pandemic.)

After watching some riveting self-shot footage of Leah dropping the twinseses off at Corey’s, Leah tells us that her book “releases” tomorrow. She is not about to let a ding-dang pandemic rain on her paradeseses, though. What may spoil her happiness, though, is the fact that her book talks a lot about her marriage to Jeremy, who isn’t so keen about having their private moments exposed to millions.

Well…other than on ‘Teen Mom 2,’ of course.

Leah has found telling her deep, dark secrets to be a “hilling” process, but she’s not so sure Jerm will feel the same way. She is also scared that Ali, having a compromised immune system, will contract the virus.

Next, we head to Florida, where Briana has recently returned from her trip to Puerto Rico with her mysterious non-married but not-available man.

Since “The Coronavirus” has “got more serious” since she returned, the film crew isn’t allowed to travel to film her and the Coven. So, they sent over some cameras and gear for Bri to film herself.

She talks to her producer and lets her know that she’s laid off (from her real job) for 30 days, and even Roxanne has been laid off for 30 days. Devoin has also been laid off temporarily, so he has been unable to give Bri the $250 a week he promised her for Nova.

Luis was also laid off, so he decided to go back to doing “The Trucking.”

Next, the producer talks to Bri about her “secret bae.” (And she says it in the most cringey, whitebread way you could ever imagine.)

Bri says that, once she gets the kids down, “Secret Bae” comes over. He doesn’t come into the house, though, just outside. (So…are they like banging in the bushes or something? He better watch out— Roxy’s been known to prowl the perimeter of the house at night!)

Bri says that she has to have her secret bae sex outside, because there’s a coronavirus and they’re in quarantine. (Good thing you can’t catch the virus if you exchange bodily fluids OUTSIDE. Oh…wait…)

Briana says that the only person in her clan who is working is Luis. (There’s a sentence I’d never thought I’d write.) She’s worried about money because she is basically broke right now because she just bought her house.

Next we go to Delaware to check in on Kail – on March 11, 2020, as producers make sure to point out. 

While we assume Kail’s storyline will immediately jump into the hellscape that is 2020 all things C0VID, but Kail talks about the upcoming trip to the Bahamas she has planned with her boys and the latest on her pregnancy. 

During lunch, Kail tells her friend Natalie that the first three months of her pregnancy were hell, but not enough to convince her to let Chris be involved. She tells Natalie the boys are excited about their upcoming vacation and “if this coronavirus gets in the goddamn way,” she’s suing everyone. 

I think that’s nice…

Natalie suggests “they” –-way to score that free trip, Nat! –- leave now and just stay in the Bahamas until things have improved. Kail says everyone is overreacting about the virus and it’s pissing her off.

“This is the last vacation I’m going to have before I have four f**king kids,” she says… 

ON. CAMERA.

Kail tells Natalie even if air travel shuts down, she’ll “take a f**king boat” because she’s GOING to the Bahamas. Kail, you don’t need a boat, you need a reality check – and we don’t mean the kind that MTV hands you. 

While Kail downplays the pandemic, Chelsea teeters on panic mode, nervously asking Aubree if she’s feeling OK immediately after picking her up from school. Chelsea says she didn’t take the virus too seriously at first, but now knows it’s a big deal.

Aubree tells Chelsea “it’s a HUGE deal” and that she heard “a bunch of people have died here.” After noticing that Aubree’s comments are making Chelsea visibly uncomfortable, a producer hops in on the speaker phone to let Aubree know there have been no deaths in South Dakota. 

Chelsea tells Aubree that she and Cole have thoroughly cleaned the house and plan to do it all again that day, mostly because the crew is in her home filming and they travel a lot and hang around her cast mates.

Over in Indiana, the MTV crew is unable to film due to the virus so Jade is left to do it on her own – just like everything else in her life.

Jade’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad life week continues when she shows up to work and learns that all salons in her county have been ordered to shut down as a result of the pandemic. She begins calling her clients to let them know they will unfortunately not be getting Slayed by Jade any time soon.

Jade says she’s worried about being out of work because she was the only person in her home earning any money pre-virus. 

Sean on the other hand, seems to be handling the lockdown pretty well, as he’s grown accustomed to sitting at home and doing nothing for weeks at a time.

Back in West Virginia, Leah is talking to Producer Brendan on the video chat. She says that she’s upset that this dern pandemic has ruined her chances of promoting her book out on the road on a tour.

First no tractor pull shows, then no summer pig races, and now no Leah Messer Book Tour? COVID-19 has taken done near everything from the state of West Virginia!

We have to sit through some painstaking footage of Leah trying to arrange the furniture and cameras so we can videotape her Instagram Live session.

Just when you thought we had already sunk to the lowest levels of boredom on this show…here we are…

Leah tells us that, in her writings, she reveals that the “miscarriage” she had during an earlier season of the show was actually an abortion. MTV does Leah ruthless by showing footage from eight years ago where she’s telling her friend that she “loved that baby more than anything in the world.”

Yikessss….

Leah tells Producer Brendan that she had the abortion because she was not married to Jeremy at the time she got knocked up. Naturally, we know that, on this show, that’s hardly a concern. However, at the time, Leah says she was still considering ditching Jerm to continue to bump uglies with ol’ Corey Tyler.

We get to see footage from eight years ago where Leah tells Corey she’s pregnant with Jeremy’s child, and Corey tearfully telling her they can no longer consider getting re-hitched. (It just wouldn’t have been fittin’ for them to be together when she’s got some other cowboy’s pony in her stable.)

Leah says she lied and said she had a miscarriage instead of an abortion because she was ashamed. She says she felt like she was going to burn to death in hell for the rest of her life. (Wait…are you still alive if you’re in hell? Asking for a friend…)

The next day, Leah scoots over to Jeremy’s house to chit-chat about her book and all the revelations that are coming out in the press from it. Leah tells Jerm that she switched everything in her book tour around “to be virtually.” (Um.)

Jerm had previously made it clear that he didn’t want to take about the abortion on-camera…so naturally, Leah talks about the abortion with him on camera. He tries to shut it down multiple times, but Leah “stands in her power” and makes him talk.

They start talking about Leah’s days as a pill popper, and Jeremy says he remembers quite well how things went down. Leah says Jeremy was giving her the proper dosage each day, as prescribed. He didn’t want Leah getting meds from some random hillbilly who was filling the pillseses with God knows what.

Later on in Delaware, much to her disappointment, Kail reveals that she had to cancel her trip to the Bahamas and now she must break the news to the boys. Isaac and Lincoln, both of whom are being homeschooled for the next two months, are less-than-thrilled.  

To add to the kids’ disappointment, Kail says they won’t be able to reschedule the trip until she’s given birth in July, assuming traveling restrictions have lifted by then. Kail admits she didn’t take the virus seriously when she first heard about it, but once it started interfering with her MTV-funded vacations, things got personal.

With Kail’s Bahamas plans scrapped, she decides to surprise her boys by unveiling their new swimming pool. She continues reminding viewers that she didn’t know how serious the virus was initially and now she knows better.

On top of that, Kail says she’s concerned because “giving birth in a hospital is scary,” as hospitals may not be completely sanitized and pregnant women and newborns are more vulnerable.

Back in Indiana, Jade tells Sean she’s stressing out about money and pissed off that the place she rents her salon space from is still charging her rent, despite her not being allowed to utilize the space at the moment. 

Sean assures Jade that “things will get easier,” but I’m pretty sure he was referring to level 7 of his latest video game.

Later on – about 15 seconds after venting about her financial worries – Jade reveals she has decided to get a puppy… because everyone knows pets are super low maintenance and affordable. 

Over at the DeBoer Cabin of Flannel and Farm Animals, Chelsea and her family are quarantining and doing about as well as you’d expect a house full of toddlers to be doing. 

While Cole and the little kids run around the house screaming and playing hide and go seek, Aubree hangs out and gets her virtual schooling on. Eventually the family collectively reaches its breaking point and head out for a little getaway. With limited options, they head to their piece of property to check out the stakes where their future home will be.  

A few days later, Chelsea reveals that she’s been feeling under the weather and that her doctor instructed her to go ahead and get tested for C0VID. We watch as she gets swabbed from her car while silently reminding herself this whole experience is still less miserable than being around Adam.

Chelsea later learns that she does not have COVID, but she does have a storyline for this episode that doesn’t involve cellphones so… wins all around! 

That’s all for this episode! 

To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode of ‘Teen Mom 2,’ click here! 

(Photos: MTV)