Hey-o! The Ashley is aware that this Teen Mom OG season finale recap is later than Catelynn‘s period after an afternoon hump session with Tyler, but she still wanted to post it. She is definitely aware of how many recap-able moments this week’s Reunion episode had and she will be recapping that one too. 

But until then, let’s make fun of some MTV breeders, shall we?

We kick things off this time with Amber, who is chatting with her therapist about how Leah hates her and how it’s all Gary and Kristina‘s fault! Due to COVID, Amber’s appointments are now taking place on video chat, so she’s able to do them while remaining firmly planted on the couch. (Seriously, the pandemic was legit the best thing to ever happen to Portwood.)

Anyway, back to that dern Gary and Kristina…. Amber tells her therapist that, normally when someone called her out, she’d blame her bad behavior on her bipolar, but now she can’t even do that. The therapist suggests she instead blame her crappy mothering on her own childhood trauma, and Amber agrees that is the best route to take.

Elsewhere in Indiana, Gary meets up with his mother Carol (who is sadly not wearing her signature gift wrap ribbons in her hair). 

Carol says she’s come bearing gifts. Gary worries that it’s another one of Carol’s thrift store scavenges.

Luckily for Gary, Carol is not gifting him anything that will need to be fumigated. Instead, it’s a full-on 1980s Glamour Shot portrait of Leah when she was younger. (Please, God, tell me that Carol also got herself made up that day and had Glamour Shots taken of herself wearing the feather boa and/or the leather jacket look. And please let those photos surface at some point during this episode. Amen.) 

Gary starts explaining to Carol about “the Amber situation.” Gary pours his heart out to Carol, as she digs into whatever deep fried item MTV shelled out for. He explains that Amber thinks it’s his fault that Leah doesn’t like her any more.

Carol surfaces long enough to tell Gary that Leah shouldn’t have to make nice just to please her mom, who, as she reminds Gary, has let Leah down many, many times in the past. She even brings up the multiple times where Leah was left waiting at the door for her mom, after Amber said she was coming to pick her up, and Amber no-showed. 

“Then she looked at you and started to cry because her mom didn’t show up,” Carol said, adding that she’s surprised at how long it took Leah to call Amber out on her crap.

Gary says that Amber’s trusty, cryptic phrases like “You’ll understand when you’re older” aren’t cutting it for Leah anymore, and she’s just plain tired of dealing with Amber’s mind games and excuses for why she’s a trashbag mom. 

Next, we head to Florida, where Mackenzie is still surely scraping the human waste off her Keds, after last week’s garage dookie experience. Josh is still back in Oklahoma where his job got “extended,” so he hasn’t had much time to check in with Mack and The Pack. Mackenzie claims that whatever God-forsaken town Josh is working in “doesn’t have good service.”

Sure, Jan…

Mack is still trying to tame Bronkini. The lil’ rascal is still gnawing on his classmates and even recently bit his teacher again (as you do). When Mackenzie brings this up to Bruncks, he giggles hysterically. Even after she makes it clear that the teacher actually got injured (and most likely had to get a rabies shot?) the kid thinks it’s funny.

She informs his that he is “way better than a kid who hits.” (Um…shouldn’t she be more concerned that he’s pretty much become the vampire of the Sunshine State’s elementary school system?!) 

Mack asks Broncholio why he listens when Josh tells him something but not when she does. 

“Because I love my daddy!” he says.

“You don’t love me?” she asks.

“NO!” he replies while laughing.

Tough day for the moms of ‘Teen Mom,’ ain’t it?

Over in the Octagon of Triggers, Catelynn has a psychic meeting planned for the day.

#ThingsPeopleWithoutJobsDo

Before she gets all into her Psychic Friends Adventure, Catelynn throws a positive pregnancy test on the counter in front of Tyler!

It’s official: she’s sperminated. She no longer has to piss into Tupperware containers!

Tyler is speechless. For someone who “wanted” a baby so badly, he seems oddly unhappy about the spermination.

Cate buys a T-shirt that will reveals that she’s pregnant once the people around her read it. She plans to wear it to dinner that night with their moms.

Later that night, Catelynn is all suited up in her pregnancy reveal T-shirt. Unfortunately, though, April and Kim haven’t noticed Cate’s attire. (They probably just think the shirt is another Tierra Reign masterpiece or something…although it lacks crushed velvet so that couldn’t really be the case.)

She just stands there, sticking out her chest hoping someone will read her damn shirt. Just before she’s about to run into the kitchen and grab a Tupperware, pee in it and dunk a Clear Blue Easy into it, Kim mercifully reads the shirt.

“Are you s**ttin’ me?” Kim replies.

Catelynn tells the excited moms that she’s four weeks pregnant. They express how excited they are to tell people about the pregnancy.

Over in Los Angeles, COVID is still running wilder than one of Mackenzie’s kids. However, Cheyenne is determined to not let it rain on her gender reveal party parade.

As a tradeoff, she’s toning things down for this fiesta and keeping everything super low-key.  Of course, this is Cheyenne and her crew, so a “low-key” celebration will most likely require a dozen catering trucks, a few circus performers and a cake with at least one person popping out.

Cheyenne complains to Cory that gender reveal parties have gotten out of hand (UM?!?!) and that she doesn’t understand why they can’t just be simple, to which Cory says its people like her that have made them the spectacle they are today. After he realizes Cheyenne isn’t joking about the helicopter idea, Cory shoots his shot and proposes adding a little something extra to the gender reveal… and by extra, he means himself. 

On the day of the reveal, Zack announces to the (toned down) 75+ person crowd that he and Cheyenne are “praying for a ding-a-ling” – the only thing that could make us cringe harder than the couple’s “Here For The Sex” party decor. As the Floyd family and the… whatever Zack’s last name is family all pray for peni, it starts to get uncomfortable.

Luckily, the (toned down) helicopter goes on to drop a ton of blue powder. 

It’s a ding-a-ling!

Finally, we head to Tennessee, where Maci tells Bentley that he’s been in Dr. Ed’s therapy for six months. Ryan apparently hasn’t had any Dr. Ed sessions yet, and Maci talks to Taylor about how disappointed she is that Ryan’s had Dr. Ed’s number for over a month and still hasn’t set anything up with him.

They talk about how Ryan’s a horse who can’t be led to water…or something.

On the other side of town,, Ryan suddenly decides to use the card with Dr. Ed’s number for something other than picking gunk out of his teeth. He tells Mackenzie that he’s made a phone appointment with Dr. Ed, but he’s nervous because he ain’t one for talkin’ ’bout himself and such.

Ryan heads inside and makes the call to Dr. Ed. He emerges from the bedroom a few hours later, surprised at how much he actually enjoyed speaking with The Doc. 

Ryan says he wants to get the truth out to Bentley about everything.

“Once you hear it you can never unhear it,” Ryan tells us. 

That’s deep…

Ryan vows to keep having sessions with Dr. Ed and hopes that, eventually, he and Bentley can attend one together.

Meanwhile in Florida, Dr. Emily has arrived to try to tame Broncos. She comes in with arms full of toys (and most likely gnaw-proof body armor under her clothes.) After a brief chat, they all go into Bronchial’s room for the session. (Kudos to Mack for not airing out the kid’s personal feelings unlike somebody on this show…looking at you Maci Bookout!) 

The doctor says that she sees no evidence of Bronkiki being on the autistic spectrum. Instead, he just needs some one-on-one time (and maybe a chew toy?)  She also confirms that the kids are probably mad at Mackenzie from moving them away from Josh. 

Speaking of Josh, he grunts his way though a convo with Mack later about Bronco’s therapy session. He still insists that the biting is just a phase, and that the kid’s fine. Eventually, though, he agrees to come and grunt in Florida for a while to help the kids.

Back in Indiana, Amber is preparing to bring her son James over to Gary’s Farm to visit Leah. She’s nervous to see the kid, so she wraps her head in one of those long receipts from CVS and Zoom-calls the leader of an organization that helps moms rebuild their relationships with the kids who don’t want anything to do with them. 

Amber admits that her own mom, Tonya, was also missing in action most of her childhood, but that she wasn’t brave enough to tell Tonya she sucked, like Leah told her. 

After that statement, we think Amber is going to be a bit self-aware and respectable, but she immediately turns back into “Amber.” She tells the lady that Leah is just angry, and it’s “not even about me.”

The lady isn’t putting up with her Portwood Shenanigans, though. She immediately snaps back, “But it is.”

She reminds Amber that Leah being mad is entirely about her.

Amber, being Amber, then tries to throw Kristina under the bus, claiming that she has bonded with Leah in the place Amber should be. 

Amber admits she misses Leah, and even misses Gary and Kristina. She’s not nervous to see them, even though she trashed them online just a few days prior. 

The lady reminds Amber that it may take years for Leah to forgive her. In fact, the kid may not even accept her apology until Amber is on her deathbed….er, couch…

Ouchhhhh….

Later, we get the black screen, informing us that MTV wasn’t allowed to film Amber’s visit to Gary’s Farm, due to James being present. (Amber’s custody arrangement forbids James from being filmed, btw.) Later, Amber tells Producer Townsend that she wishes Leah would forgive her the same way she forgave her own alcoholic father. Producer Townsend sits there, in her Hannibal Lecter mask, just watching Amber sob and it’s really weird.

Back in Los Angeles, Cheyenne and Zack talk about how excited they are to welcome a baby boy into their family and to add to their good news, Cheyenne gets the results of the genetic testing the following day, which reveals their son will not have VLCAD. 

Cheyenne tells her sister she thought she’d be more excited to receive the results, but she can’t allow herself to get too excited when Ryder still has VLCAD. Still, she says it’s a weight off her shoulders knowing her son won’t have to get “poked and prodded a million times.”

Later on, Cheyenne expresses her feelings about the results to Zack and jokes that now she’s free to “have breakdowns about other things.” 

Zack and Cheyenne then begin discussing potential baby names, with Zack fighting hard for “Ace,” explaining to Cheyenne that it has something to do with tennis – a sport Zack’s father made a career out of. Cheyenne, like us, spaced out during Zack’s lengthy explanation, so she just agrees to go along with whatever Zack proposed. 

Over in Michigan, Catelynn explains that she woke up bleeding and she miscarried the baby. Obviously there’s nothing funny about that, but Cate says that her mental health is in a much better state than it was when she had her first miscarriage a few years ago. We’re just going to skip right along here…

Finally, we go to Tennessee one more time. Bentley tells Maci that Dr. Ed informed him that Ryan finally called. Maci makes sure to express how shocked she is that Ryan actually called, and Bentley barely utters two words, knowing that MTV car cam is 5 inches from his face.

Back at Maci’s MTV Mansion, Maci informs Taylor that Ryan made the call to Dr. Ed. 

Maci says Bentley is trying not to get his hopes up that Ryan will come through this time. 

Taylor insists that Ryan be forced to take a drug test before going into a session with Bentley and Dr. Ed. Maci doesn’t agree or disagree, but is still worried about Bentley. 

That’s all for this episode!

To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous ‘Teen Mom OG’ episode, click here!

(Photos: MTV)