Apply some aloe to your burnt-to-a-crisp hooves, kick them up, and get ready to dive into another episode of Teen Mom Family Reunion. (Welcome back to all 15 or so of you that are still watching this mess, by the way.) 

This week continues the “Farrah-thon” that literally no one asked for. We pick up at the resort where said-former Teen Mom OG star/general nightmare of a person Farrah is sitting down with Maci– the latter of whom looks about as excited to break bread with Farrah as she is to break bread with her loud-chewing husband.

Maci lies to tells Farrah how meaningful she is to ‘Teen Mom’ as one of the four original moms of the franchise (And, I mean, what a prize that is, right?) Farrah goes on to call her grand entrance to the reunion “a triggering problem to my nervous system.” 

Maci somehow maintains a straight face throughout this statement and even goes as far as to tell Farrah she’d like to see her leave the reunion feeling like she can trust some of the other moms. However, Farrah tells Maci it’s pretty unlikely, as she has trust issues.

Farrah then starts talking about how terrible the other night was for her, due to “a man popping up and creeping up” on her– something we would’ve sworn she’d be used to at this point. 

The “man” Farrah is referring to is Cory, of course, who only confronted Farrah to ask about rude comments that she made about him and Cheyenne. Maci attempts to explain this– in a VERY childlike way– yet Farrah is convinced that everyone at this reunion is out to get her. She’s more paranoid than Kieffer after a basement kitchen meth binge.

Maci looks exhausted by this whole charade of a “meeting.”

Farrah and Maci end their breakfast and Farrah gathers her just-for-looks law school books and heads back to her room to take photos of herself. (And, mind you, Farrah is not in law school; she just carries the books around because she probably bought them on eBay and– damnit– she’s getting her money’s worth!) 

Back at the resort, Ashley and Leah talk about Leah’s new boyfriend Jaylan, who will be joining this trainwreck of a reunion at some point. Leah tells Ashley she’d like for Jaylan to eventually move closer to her so they can stop doing the whole long distance relationship thing and actually go on normal dates. (Nothing says “romance” quite like downing a Blizzard ’round back by the dumpsters of the Dairy Queen, while Mama Dawn drives your girlseseses long enough so that you can kiss your new booooooyfriend, am I right? Dear God, I just got a visual of that…)

Leah then asks Ashley what’s next for her and Bar after the reunion, and Ashley says the two will likely get into therapy so they can work on their marriage and not end up married and divorced within the same year. 

Apparently, Ashley isn’t realizing that she’s talking to the twice-divorced Leah?

Ashley wants her and Bar to sit down and talk to Coach B to get a head start on their therapy sessions and begin working on their communication.    

When we check back in with Farrah, she is seen packing up her PER LAW books and her bad attitude and leaving the resort, claiming it just wasn’t the right time for her to act like a decent human make amends with the other girls. Oh, and she missed taking photos with Sophia to post on social media.

Meanwhile, Maci sits down with the other moms to tell them how breakfast went before announcing the good news: Farrah has left the building. 

The moms take the high road and opt not to celebrate and instead, chalk it up to Farrah’s “bad attitude” and history of isolating herself from the cast. 

With Farrah gone, Cheyenne gets the festivities back on track by organizing a game of truth or dare Jenga with a few of the moms and dads. Just when we start getting the terrifying image of Farrah’s latest face out of our minds, Gary chimes in with some suggestions for the truth or dare blocks that nearly jolt us back into full trauma mode. 

Moving on (God, we hope), Maci reveals she had “an experience” with a female, Zach reveals he never “moved on” from Cheyenne after they broke up in the past, and Amber agrees to the ultimate dare.  

After taking a whole two steps, Amber is dared to get onto the hammock, which she does, ever so gracefully. It comes crashing down, much like this show’s ratings…or these people’s careers…

Later on, Ashley and Bar finally get their sit-down with Coach B, who grills the two on their relationship status. Though Ashley and Bar are now married– and semi-confident in saying it aloud– the two agree that things changed after they made it official. Ashley says Bar doesn’t have enough ambition, and Bar admits that’s true. 

The next day, Jade and Ashley round up the troops for an off-campus ropes course activity– sans Briana, who is still recovering after her recent brush with death via inflatable slide.

Amber, who is exhausted from her two-step hammock disaster from the previous day; and Cheyenne and Zach, also opt to sit out. 

Once they arrive at the ropes course, the moms and dads harness and helmet up, except Gary, who decides not to take part in the activity and instead, stay on the ground to cheer everyone on while swallowing drinking a beer. 

The moms and dads take off up the course in pairs, with Jade and Ashley leading the group. After making it to the first platform, Ashley is already physically shaking due to her extreme fear of heights. Still, she keeps moving forward, even when Cory decides to shake the rope to which she is clinging onto for dear life. 

Jade is the first to make it to the top of the course and the first to zip-line back down to the ground. When it’s Ashley’s turn, she freezes and insists there has to be another way down. 

One by one, the other moms and dads pass Ashley on the final platform, zip-lining to the ground until it’s Bar’s turn. Bar gives Ashley a pep talk while Ashley gets hooked in to attempt to zip-line again. Eventually Bar convinces Ashley to jump and she makes it down to the ground safely, with Bar following shortly after. 

Back at the house, Briana decides to host a disco party for the moms and dads, complete with costumes, disco balls, embarrassing TikTok videos and a twerking Maci. 

As the night goes on, some of the partygoers begin to wonder if another surprise visitor is in store… and being that the last surprise guest was Farrah, everyone is a bit on edge. 

Like Amber, Ashley also thinks there’s a HIGH! HIGH! high probability of Jenelle showing up… fortunately, we all know that never happened, much to Jenelle’s disappointment. 

That’s all for this week’s episode! 

To read The Ashley’s other ‘Teen Mom Family Reunion’ recaps, click here!

(Photos: MTV)