It’s time to dive into yet another season of Sister Wives. Over the past few years, we’ve watched as the Sister Wives-– Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn—- have cried, fought and flash-mobbed their way to realizing that sharing a dimwitted cretin for a husband sucks worse than a track home without a wet bar!

When we last left Kody & Co., everyone was miserable…everyone except Christine, because she had just high-tailed it out of PolygVille, leaving Kody and his assortment of sad-sack wives in her rearview mirror and basically chucking her Claddagh ring (and status as Basement Wife No. 3) out the U-Haul window.

That brings us to Season 18. The Ashley is aware that she missed recapping Episode 1. 

Let’s blame Kody.

Anyway, Episode 2 kicks off with a recap of last episode. There’s Robyn and Meri (and her yellow scarf that’s basically the size of the state of Arizona/Kody’s ego) crap-talking Christine for peaceing out of this misery pit. 

Robyn and Meri talk about how awful Kody is now, because he no longer smiles or laughs. (Um…if he needs a good chuckle, he should take a look at his hair in the mirror. That always gets the giggle juices flowing for me!) 

We then get a look at this new, bitter, bullying bummer Kody. (Honestly, I didn’t see much difference. He’s still the diaper-pail-of-a-human he’s been for the last four seasons or so.)

Kody and Christine met up with lunch, with Christine deliciously scarfing nachos in front of Kody. (If you know, you know how awesome that was.)

Kody was not amused throughout much of the conversation.

Christine, meanwhile, is positively giddy when she realizes she gets to go home after seeing Kody, and no longer has to worry about having to firehose herself in Lysol so she can sit outside with Kody and his other wives and scream at each other about Coyote Pass.

“I’m not married to him anymore!” Christine tells us. “It’s so freaking awesome!” 

YAAAAAS. GIRL.

The episode begins back at the restaurant where Christine and Kody are having lunch. Christine is surprised when Kody admits he’s been very grouchy ever since Christine flew the coop.

“So you’re still kind of angry and stuff?” Christine asks casually.

Kody legit hits her with a serial killer look.

Kody’s just like, “Um. Yeah.” 

Kody tells us that there’s a million other places he’d rather be than watching Christine eat nachos and showing him that she could give two f**ks about whatever he and his Coven of Sad Women want to do with their lives. 

Kody says that he isn’t disgusted by Christine’s face; it’s her actions with the kids that make him want to vomit.

Christine denies that she’s talking crap on Kody to the kids; instead, she says the kids want to talk crap on Kody to her and she just listens. 

Christine is the epitome of unbothered, telling us, “I don’t even think about him that much.” 

And it just kills Kody.  

Kody tells Christine he had “evil thoughts” about her, mostly because she broke up his “big picture.” 

Yup, it was Christine who broke that up, Kod-ster. Definitely not you, or your favoritism of Robyn, or your absolute disgusting treatment of your “other” kids, or your inability to even pretend you liked Wives No. 1-3. Nope. Definitely. not.

Kody is peeved.

“She’s acting like, in every way possible, that her life is better than it ever had been!” Kody huffs.

Next they pipe in Robyn, who tells us she’d like to see Kody get some counseling, because he’s “dilling” with a lot after that darn Christine betrayed him! 

Christine casually agrees to go to “breakup counseling” with Kody, with hopes that, someday, the creepy vein in his forehead will stop pulsating whenever he sees Christine.

She then tells us that she only agreed because she knows Kody will never actually make the counseling plan happen, because he never follows through with anything he says.

Christine tells us how devoted she once was to making Kody happy. But, much like the times where Robyn had normal-looking eyebrows, those days are over. 

Christine and Kody leave the lunch and go their separate ways. Christine tells Kody she’ll let him know when she’s back in town with Truly in a few weeks. 

(Kody had to take a sec to remember who— or what— a “Truly” was, I’m sure. He then remembered she is the little blond girl who would sometimes play with King Solomon at family events.)

Robyn comes back on the screen to tell us she still doesn’t understand why these happy-go-lucky lovebirds have broken up! She says she doesn’t see any “dill-breakers” between Kody and Christine.

UM!?! You mean other than them hating each other? 

Days later, it’s Thanksgiving and Kody is blue. He is spending it with Robyn and their kids, and they’ve even invited ol’ Meri to crawl down from her belltower and join the festivities, provided she comes with a Rice Krispies Treat turkey, of course.

Kody is upset that, once again, his whole “family” isn’t with him for Thanksgiving. In fact, that dern Christine is going to Aspyn and Mitch‘s home in Utah for the holiday, and she’s bringing most of her kids with her. Meanwhile, Janelle has gotten the hell outta Dodge Flagstaff and flown to North Carolina for the holiday. She is at Maddie and Caleb‘s home, along with an assortment of Kody’s “other” kids.

Even though they’re apart for Thanksgiving, besties Christine and Janelle are still calling each other, with Christine providing baking advice to Janelle. The kids are happy, Janelle and Christine are happy, and everyone seems to be enjoying spending time together.

And nothing for Kody Brown!

Janelle tells us that she’s realizing how happy she is with her kids, and being away from her drama-filled, raging, ramen-haired husband, and his wife and “their” kids.

Kody tells us that this split in the family is absolutely, positively not Robyn’s fault. In fact, he says, it’s all because they chose to do this darn TV show! 

Kody admits he didn’t “manage his family” as best as he could have, and that resulted in Christine leaving and Janelle thinking about taking the one-way train to “No-Kody-Ville.” 

“Janelle has decided that she’d rather hang out with Christine!” Kody shouts. 

But…but…it’s so much fun being around you, Kod! Who wouldn’t want to take a Lysol bath and don a Latex sterile suit so they can sit on Robyn’s porch in the cold and get yelled at by a man whose hair makes him look like Little Orphan Annie on crack!? 

How could you, Janelle!?

It’s a very glum Thanksgiving at Robyn and Kody’s Mountain Mansion. Meri and the kids are all sitting around Robyn’s table, looking sad that the rest of the “family” has chosen not to attend their holiday festivities. 

Robyn then tearfully tells us that her kids feel rejected, sad and angry that the rest of their “family” doesn’t want to spend Thanksgiving watching Kody play “happy family” with Robyn & Co. 

Robyn says she’s had to apologize to her kids for the actions of the evil Christine and Janelle. 

Even Kody admits that maybe, possibly, his decision to neglect and ignore three out of four of his wives, and basically any offspring that didn’t shoot from Robyn’s hoo-ha wasn’t the best idea. (I’m fairly certain, though, he only feels this way because Robyn’s sobbing into the stuffing and wailing about how her and her kids are victims.)

Meanwhile, Meri’s feeling nostalgic for Brown holidays of yesteryear, back when they needed four long tables (and a wetbar!) to fit all of the people who attended, and there was a huge table full of delicious food to eat. (Of course, most of that food was prepared by poor Christine, who was also simultaneously wrangling about a dozen kids and stroking Kody’s ego.) 

“It’s just sad,” Meri says.

In Utah, Christine wasn’t forced to make the rolls, stuff the turkey, manage the kids, set the table, play referee between Meri and Janelle, provide tissues to Robyn and give Kody a lil pre-dinner pickle tickle like she used to do. Instead, she’s kicked up her feet up and enjoyed Thanksgiving at Aspyn’s house. 

Paedon makes an appearance, showing up to Christine’s house to make pudding and talk crap on Kody. To her credit, Christine actually stops Paedon from bashing Kody and Robyn. Paedon tells us that basically all of Christine’s kids and all of Janelle’s kids are #TeamChristine and have chosen to side against Kody. 

Paedon then tells us about some family drama that had been brewing behind the scenes. He explains that eldest son Logan texted all of the older Brown siblings asking if they wanted to do a sibling gift exchange. “Someone” (whose name I’m almost certain starts with an “A” and ends with an “urora”) said that the parents should be told about this. 

Naturally, Robyn has to butt her big, tear-stained head into the kids’ conversation, and demands that everyone jump on a video chat to discuss this gift exchange…that she’s not even involved in. The kids stated that they didn’t have time to all come together on a video chat.

Robyn is not happy that the kids shot her idea down.

“I just thought, ‘Why am I trying?'” she tells us.

UM…yeah, that’s what we’re wondering. Butt the hell out!

Christine says that Robby B got all bent out of shape and even stated that Christine’s kids “don’t remember who their siblings are.” 

Of course, things spiraled faster than Kody’s hair after he slathers it with “Curl-All.” The conversation turned to all the hurt feelings the kids had when Robyn entered the family. Robyn says it turned into a situation where all the other kids were against her kids, the victims, and that made her very upset. 

Janelle says it got so bad that she doesn’t know if the family can ever “come back” to a good place. 

Robyn says that Dayton, Aurora and Brianna “did not feel comfortable” being involved in the gift exchange anymore.

Robyn continues to blubber about how they are the outsiders in the family now.

Hey, Robyn? How does it feel? ‘Member a couple years ago when you legit treated Janelle, Christine and their kids like lepers during COVID and made them feel unwelcome? 

Christine tells us that she really wants Paedon to repair his relationship with Kody, but she knows it will be hard because Kody has picked a side…and that side includes Robyn (and a whole lot of eyebrow pencil.) 

Robyn tells us that it’s up to the moms to help foster Kody’s relationships with his kids. Christine, however, is like, UM NO.

“I’m a mom, and it’s my responsibility to be a mom. It’s Kody’s responsibility to have a good relationship with his kids,” she tells us.

Christine then says that Robyn doesn’t even know what it’s like to live plural marriage, because as soon as she rolled up, Kody switched from a polygamist to a one-woman man. 

“I left Kody because I could see he had favorites,” she tells us. “When you have a wife that’s a favorite, your other kids are gonna see and they’re gonna have a hard time with that.”

The next scene shows Aurora preparing to go get her ears pierced. 

Super…sooo are we next gonna see Janelle go get dental X-rays and Truly shop for new socks? This is riveting content, guys. Also, SHOW US THE SIBLING TEXT THREAD! 

Kody then tells us that he was always against piercings, and that his family agreed not to get any holes punched in their bodies.

Not getting piercings was somewhat of a religious thing, somewhat of a random Kody thing. Janelle said that she actually let her existing earring holes close up when she came into the family. Christine also let both of her earring holes close up to please God Kody. 

When Robyn came into the family (with holes in her ears), she bargained with Kody. She said she would stop wearing earrings if Kody would stop being such a miserable warthog and not ruin Christmas. 

Kody says he’s now a lot more relaxed about his anti-earrings campaign. The wives started to wear earrings again eventually. They did, however, make their kids stay earring-less until they turned 18.

Now, Kody is going with Aurora to get her ears pierced. This trip comes after “many long conversations” that Aurora had with Kody and Robyn. 

Over an ear-piercing. Okaaaaay…

Kody brags that Aurora picked him over Robyn to go with her. He’s legit gloating about getting to go down to the mall and watch someone punch a hole through his kid’s earlobe. But, whatever makes you happy, bro…

Father of the Year Kody then tells us he has no idea when any of his other daughters got their ears pierced. (Honestly, can he even tell us how many daughters he has?!) 

Kody says he’s grateful that Aurora has respected his authority as the “head of the home” and followed his rules, however strange and random. 

The next day, Janelle and Christine meet up to chat. Janelle talks about how her kids feel that Kody has spent way more time with Robyn’s family over the years, and now they’re over it. 

The convo shifts to Janelle’s relationship with Kody, and Janelle reveals that things aren’t good between them. At all. 

“There’s not a whole lot in common. I don’t even know who this guy is!” Janelle tells us. “I just don’t see that it’s worth the work.” 

Janelle says that Kody is becoming even more awful than he already was and she’s weighing her options.

That’s all for this episode of ‘Sister Wives!’

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(Photos: TLC)