Throw on your swimsuit and drop off the kids at the resort-provided daycare–- it’s time for another episode of 90 Day: The Last Resort! 

This episode picks up with Kelly and Molly continuing their emotional therapy session with Dr. Jason. At this point in the session, both Kelly and Molly have expressed that they still care for each other, which is enough to convince Dr. Jason that these two can make it as a couple. Molly says it hurts her that Kelly feels she never loved him, but Dr. Jason appears unbothered by this comment, noting that the two hugged the previous day, which indicates that progress is being made.  

Umm…? 

Like the world’s weirdest summer school, Dr. Jason gives Kelly and Molly another homework assignment–- this time, to go on a date together, sans negative comments. At this rate, the only way Kelly and Molly will be able to pull this off successfully is if they go on a date that prohibits them from talking to each other, so hopefully there’s a movie theater on the resort property.  

Next we check in with Liz and Ed, who are in full “happy couple” mode, complete with matching bathing suits to horrify us with.

Ed reveals he isn’t a very good person swimmer, so he throws on some adult-sized arm floaties to keep him buoyant as he and Liz partake in some snorkeling. 

Over in Angela’s room, the show’s resident “SEKSI” Mee-Maw is doing her skincare routine while oversharing about her wild night of homework with Michael. Angela tells us, “Michael was like a damn rodeo cowboy last night,” …thanks to his phone app, her Bluetooth vibrator and a decent Wi-Fi connection, of course. 

Because we’re not collectively traumatized enough, Angela then calls Michael to reminisce on their hot night of techie love, while sporting the toy from the previous night– which she is now referring to as “Michael’s penis”– around her wrist like some sort of neon silicone bangle from Claire’s Accessories.

Can someone icepick my eyes out? Please and thank you…

Michael tells Angela she should “wear” the device while hanging out with the other couples that day so that he can control it remotely and let her know when he’s thinking about her. Surprisingly, Angela tells him that’s not happening. 

“I’m not putting this in my cooter around other couples!” Angela says. 

THANK YOU JESUS! 

Just when we think Angela is finally learning to set boundaries, she tells Michael she’s willing to “stuff” the sex toy in her bathing suit top before heading out for the day. 

This is a perfect time to remind everyone that there are other guests at this resort (paying guests, at that!) who, in my opinion, are owed more than just a complimentary breakfast voucher for vacationing–- and sharing pools–- alongside these people. 

When we check back in with Kelly and Molly, Kelly has organized a coconut bowling date as a surefire way for he and Molly to bond. After all, if things go south, they can always take the coconut “bowling balls” and throw them at each other.

After chucking coconuts, Molly and Kelly take a walk and reveal that they didn’t do their homework from the previous night, which was to identify their personal turn-ons and turn-offs. Kelly suggests they get it done now, to which Molly dives in with absolutely zero hesitation. 

“You’re boring,” she tells Kelly, who is visibly stunned by his partner’s candor.

Digging the knife a bit deeper, Molly tells Kelly he’s boring in the bedroom, despite her efforts to spice things up between them. Kelly says he’s always tried to communicate with Molly, but Molly argues that once Kelly moved to The Peach State, her’s has remained untouched. 

Molly says she wants to feels attracted to Kelly again, but first there are things that need to be resolved and “it’s not just about the sex.” According to Molly, it’s also about Kelly not wanting to talk about certain things, including trauma from his career as a cop. Molly says only when Kelly has closure from that can they move forward as a coconut-throwing couple. 

Kelly argues that Molly never respected his job, nor did she understand what he was dealing with. Because of this, he accuses her of using his career as a scapegoat and goes on to point out trauma that she has from her family, which she acknowledges. The two of them vow to work on their separate issues and Molly says she’s happy they’re both willing to put in the work. 

Over in Jovi and Yara’s room, Yara says “Jovi failed” the previous night’s homework assignment because the two of them ended up having sex instead of just cuddling, as they were instructed to do. Jovi says technically they both failed, and because they’ve already broken the rules, they might as well keep breaking them.

Meanwhile, Ed and Liz reveal to viewers that they also failed their homework assignment, which was to “explore arousal without penetration.” 

Ed asks Liz if she’s coming to live with him in Arkansas, and despite getting an F on their homework– literally and figuratively– Liz says she’s willing to have the conversation about moving once she and Ed have worked through a couple more obstacles. Presumably, obstacles that Ed will cheat his way through. (Again.) 

Over in Kalani and Asuelu’s room, the couple confirm that they both did the previous night’s homework–- which was to to separately “explore themselves sexually”-– with Kalani the overachiever adding that she did her homework twice. 

Asuelu tells viewers that while doing his homework, he was thinking about Kalani and the way she smells-– armpits, lady bits and all. Meanwhile, as their two kids sit literally feet away, Kalani brings up Asuelu’s infidelity, revealing it’s still weighing heavily on her mind.

As for Asuelu, he just wants to know if Kalani was thinking about “him” (aka Hall Pass Guy) while doing her homework. When asked, Kalani lies says no. 

As the day’s activities begin, Liz and Ed meet with marriage and family therapist Petey, who will be doing some past life regression with some of the cast. Petey says she’ll be helping to heal past life trauma with hypnosis–- the very thing we’re convinced TLC has been using to keep us all watching these spinoffs.  

Petey explains that she “channels from spirits” who have given her ways to help heal others, either by addressing things that happened in their childhood or in a past life. Ed is up first in the past life regression hot seat, so Liz is dismissed until her session the following day. After Liz exits the room, Petey instructs Ed to kick back on the couch and relax as she guides him into hypnosis and he guides himself straight to Snoreville, USA. 

With most of the cast off the hook for therapy today, Asuelu, Jovi and Kelly jump on some bikes and head out to a bar to finally enjoy their free vacation. Jovi says Key West is the perfect place to party, as it has plenty of bars and, according to him, a rockin’ strip club scene. 

Bikes, bars, booze, boobs and men in troubled relationships– what could go wrong? 

While the guys are off biking it to the bars, Kalani and Yara head to the pool. Yara tells Kalani she misses her daughter, Mylah, but Kalani encourages her to enjoy the time away while she has it, before claiming it’s been “really hard” having her own kids along for this TLC-funded/not-at-all-suitable for children vacay. 

The girls are soon joined by Angela, who greets them by complimenting their boobs. As you do…

However, Yara isn’t feeling the pleasantries, as she’s still pissed about the 2 a.m. wakeup she got from Angela, Jovi and Angela’s boombox. 

Yara catches Kalani up on what Angela did the previous night and Angela claims she was only trying to have some fun since she’s flying solo on this trip. She admits to the girls that she’s “bad,” but Yara says Angela just needs to set boundaries. 

Yara goes on to say that she’s not really upset with Angela, she’s more upset with Jovi for getting boozed up with Angela and causing the 2 a.m. intrusion to happen in the first place. 

Back at the bar, the guys throw back some vodka and begin chatting about their respective retreat experiences thus far.

Jovi tells the guys about him and Yara failing their homework, while Asuelu and Kelly bond over not sleeping in the same room as their partners. Jovi then mentions that Asuelu has never been to a strip club and claims it’s his and Kelly’s civic duty to remedy this, as strip clubs are “essential to learning American culture.” 

Jovi vows to school Asuelu on the rules of the strip club, and out of fear that Kalani will be big mad over this impromptu guys’ night, it seems that the first rule of the strip club is similar to the first rule of Fight Club: don’t talk about it. At least not in front of your spouse, anyway.  

Jovi reminds viewers that the last time he and Yara went to a strip club together, he got slapped in the face (by Yara). While Yara isn’t a big fan of her husband watching other women work the pole, Jovi says because of “everything Asuelu is going through, Asuelu deserves a fun night out.”

Meanwhile, Asuelu feels mildly comfortable about going through with this plan because Kalani once told him on his birthday that he could go to a strip club, but he didn’t take her up on the offer at the time. Asuelu seemingly thinks the offer has no expiration date, though we can’t say the same for his marriage. 

Kelly says Molly is fine with him going to strip clubs-– with or without her-– but he knows Kalani and Yara are going to lose their coconuts over their men doing the same. The guys decide to throw caution to the wind and proceed with planning their night of pole dancing entertainment, just as long as their wives don’t find out. 

These idiots realize they’re being filmed, right? 

We finally check back in with a nearly-comatose Ed, whom Petey says is deep enough in hypnosis to start talking about his past life. Right on cue, Ed begins talking about being in a place he’s been to before, wearing a leprechaun costume and being buried alive. 

Petey proceeds to ask Ed more questions and he tells her it’s 1669 and he’s a performer in a circus. (Who knew the “90 Day” franchise existed in a previous life?!) Ed says he sees people laughing at him and ultimately throwing him in a hole, which makes him feel unloved. Petey tells Ed to send love to his past self, claiming he was “born worthy” of it.

After successfully returning to his current body and non-leprechaun life, Ed sits up, completely disoriented and confused by what just occurred, yet able to recall everything he experienced while under hypnosis. 

Petey notes the supportive partner Ed has in Liz, and Ed admits he almost wants to sabotage his relationship before Liz has a chance to do it herself. Ed calls the past life regression exercise “scary” but claims, he definitely feels love now, especially from Liz.

Back at the pool, Angela decides to scare AND scar Kalani and Yara by revealing the vibrating toy she’s been smuggling in her bathing suit top, which she proceeds to chase Yara with on the beach. 

Once they’ve sat back down and Angela has stopped grossing out her cast mates with “Michael’s penis,” the topic of homework comes up. Kalani proudly tells Angela and Yara that she did her homework twice the previous night, revealing that she did so with the help of “a couple home videos.”

When probed about the content of said videos, Kalani confesses that they didn’t feature Asuelu. She tells the camera that she feels guilty about lying to Asuelu, revealing she was actually thinking about Hall Pass Guy while earning an “O” “A” on her homework assignment. Kalani says once again that she’s still struggling with Asuelu’s cheating, but claims she didn’t want to make things worse by telling him the truth. 

Well, that makes sense. Oh, wait…

The episode wraps up back at the bar as the guys indulge in some more drinks while getting pumped up for their strip club excursion.

Unfortunately, we’ll have to wait until the next episode to watch that horrible plan crash and burn.

That’s all for this episode! To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous “90 Day: The Last Resort” episode, click here! 

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(Photos: TLC)