It’s another day in TeenMomVille, and basically nothing has changed since the last time we checked in with our favorite not-so-underage MTV breeders. Someone is feuding, someone is crying and someone is in rehab: business as usual!

We kick things off at Cheyenne’s MTV Mansion where she and her dad, Kyle, are chatting about the “Ashley and Bar stuff” and asks Cheyenne for an update on the storyline feud. 

Cheyenne tells her dad that things have simmered down, yet she and Ashley have still not spoken to each other. Kyle suggests that Cheyenne reach out and at least say hello, but Cheyenne insists she is way too busy doing….whatever the hell it is she does all day…. to fit that into her schedule.  

Cheyenne goes on to remind viewers that two years ago, she and Zach and their kids were the victims of a shooting. Cheyenne informs her dad that after the shooting, Ashley accused her on social media of using the accident as an excuse to get “a new body”– aka some non-Dr. Miami plastic surgery– and Cheyenne isn’t ready to let it go. 

“Here’s the deal though, Chey,” Kyle says. “Hurt people do hurt people.”   

You were THIS close, Kyle. One more glance at that bumper sticker in traffic the other day and you would’ve nailed this line. 

Meanwhile, in Las Vegas, Ashley is taking care of her daughter Holly and her little sister Rosie. Holly calls up Bar, who is being beamed in via Facetime because he’s currently legally challenged and can’t leave California. Holly shows Bar how she can move her eyebrows up and down, and instructs Bar to move his eyebrow tattoos up and down.

As you do! 

Ashley is trying to make Rosie’s stay a happy one, so she takes the girls to get their nails done and thanks her little sister for helping her with Holly. It’s actually a really nice gesture and it’s obvious Rosie appreciates it. (Although she may not appreciate having an MTV camera jammed in her face all the time now…)

Next we head over to Michigan where we find Cate and Tyler filling up their new home with furniture funded by MTV. Tyler says it’s time for them to hop on a Zoom call for a follow-up with his therapist, Dr. Mike. 

During the call, both Cate and Tyler sing the praises of Ty’s sweet, sweet, Special K therapy. Dr. Mike tells Tyler the next step for him is to write a letter to his younger self and proceed to read said letter aloud in the very trauma-rific trailer he grew up in. 

Seriously, why does this sound like the plotline of an Eminem song? 

As Cate wrangles the Not Carlys the next day, Tyler has his very own Dear Slim “Dear Ty” moment, which he later shares with his mom, Kim. He leads her to a random patch of grass so they can sit down and he can ambush her with the letter and let her know what a crappy mom she was.

Much like us when we read Tyler’s poetry– though for entirely different reasons– Kim is brought to tears by her own actions.

Sadly, Kim also admits that she didn’t believe Tyler when he claimed to have been sexually assaulted as a child. Kim goes on to apologize to Tyler and the two of them hug it out. 

Next, we check in with Jade who is in Arizona to visit her dad in his rehab facility. She’s just returned from Texas, where she was visiting her mom Christy in rehab. Jade is disturbed by some of the things Christy said to her while she was there.

Um…was Christy talking about having someone shave her cootie again? Because, honestly, I’m still disturbed about that conversation, even a year later.

Jade’s aunt (who legit sounds and looks just like Christy, only with crunchier hair) is joining Jade on this Tour ‘o’ Southwest Rehab Facilities. Jade’s grandma Lori calls them up and Jade reports that she feels Christy should stay in rehab longer, because she’s already telling people she has a hankering to go play some Bingo once she’s released. Jade says there will be no Bingo playing on her watch, given that Christy has a gambling addiction. 

Jade and Crunchy Christy get out of the car and head into Jade’s dad’s rehab facility. 

Finally, we check in with Maci. She’s heading to Al-Anon to help her deal with all of the trauma that Ryan and his affection for The Big H has caused her. With Ryan currently in the slammer, there just aren’t many ways to make a storyline about him, so Maci is resorting to desperate measures. Maci is going to a virtual meeting (so she won’t have to hide her brewsky in a water bottle, I’d imagine?) 

Ryan’s parents, Jen and Larry, are also heading to Al-Anon, but they’re going to an in-person meeting. Maci says that Dr. Drew has been telling them all to do Al-Anon for years and now she’s finally doing it.

Taylor wants to know what Maci is hoping to get out of this Al-Anon thing— other than at least one to two more episodes of content, of course. 

Over at Ma and Pa Edwards’ house, Larry talks about how he’s not into doin’ no appointments on The Zoom. They head to the Al-Anon meeting and are back home two hours later to discuss how helpful the meeting was.

Later, Maci tells Taylor how much the Al-Anon meeting helped her, calling it a “game changer.”

Back in Michigan, Cate and Ty head out to Tyler’s childhood trailer-– file that one under “Sentences You Only Write When Watching Teen Mom”– -armed with Tyler’s letter.

Once they arrive, Tyler begins reading the sad letter to his childhood self, in which he apologizes for the pain he’s experiencing but promises a lifetime a good things to come– not least of which, a cakewalk of a career on reality TV. Oh…and some Not-Carlys and stuff..

Back in California, Cheyenne sits down with her mom and stepdad for a contractually-obligated, on-camera conversation where Cheyenne throws her dad under the bus for giving her a “whole speech” about making up with Ashley. Cheyenne’s sister, R. You Gonna Stick With This Storyline All Season, encourages her to clear the air, while their mom, Margaret, says Cheyenne needs to first address with Ashley the hurtful things that were said.

Cheyenne agrees that it would be nice to finally move forward, and on behalf of the viewers–– all 36 of us–– we couldn’t agree more. 

Meanwhile in Las Vegas, Ashley’s mom Tea has arrived at Ashley’s to visit with her and Rosie. Rosie is excited to see Tea, but Ashley can’t even be bothered to glance up from her phone to welcome her mom. 

“I’m just tryin’ to do something!” Ashley says when her mom calls her out for not even saying hello.

Once Ashley finally puts her phone down, Tea lets her know that it’s time to “turn up” now that she’s in town! 

The next day we know that Tea is ready to get down with her bad self because she’s wearing this: 

Tea asks Ashley how she’s handling all of the stuff with Bar. Ashley says she’s doing well…at least, as well as you can when your husband can’t leave the state or be with you for more than two days… and has four eyebrows.

Ashley and Tea are catching up (and throwing back tequila shots, as you do) when Ashley’s phone rings. 

IT’S CHEYENNE! Dun dun dunnnnn!

Cheyenne asks Ashley if they can “have a conversation” about the body surgery accusations, online squabbles and whatnot. Chey starts rambling about how it was best that they didn’t talk for awhile so they could let the “temperature die down.” Or something. I don’t know. When Cheyenne says more than few sentences in a row I start dozing off. Her monotone voice is seriously like vocal Ambien.

Cheyenne says that she and Ashley should be able to work out their differences— on-camera, naturally.

Ashley— who by now is a few tequila shots in— obviously has no interest in Cheyenne or being part of her on-camera olive-branch session.

Ashley tells Cheyenne she’s still not happy that she was disinvited to the Wedding Of The Century, and that she is fine with her and Cheyenne not having a relationship. 

Ashley then tells Cheyenne she’d like the door on their friendship to remain closed and wishes her an “awesome day” before quickly ending the call. 

After hanging up on Cheyenne, Ashley tells her mom that Cheyenne’s call should have come a long time ago, before Cheyenne talked about Ashley on her podcast and before she snatched back Ashley’s invite to the wedding. 

Cheyenne later tells her dad that the conversation with Ashley was a disaster. Despite being the one who encouraged Cheyenne to extend the olive branch in the first place, Kyle seems to find this update rather funny and for that, we appreciate him. 

Back in Arizona, Jade goes to see her dad Corey in rehab. Corey comes wandering out of the center, looking like he’s been on the road with Nickelback for like 10 years.

Dude looks rough. (I can only imagine what he looked like before rehab.) 

Corey tells Jade he has GAINED AT LEAST 30 POUNDS since being in rehab.

Wait…what?!?! JESUS GOD LEAH.

Corey tells Jade and Crunchy Christy that this is the first time he’s been clean in 30 years. 

Jade tells her dad that, when he’s done with rehab, he can stay at her house or in a trailer on her property. Corey’s fine with the plan.

(Considering this dude’s probably been living under a bridge, sleeping on that blow-up mattress they brought Jade home from the butt doctor on, a room in Jade’s house sounds like a damn dream!)

One thing Corey doesn’t want is to be with Christy (original, not crunchy) if she continues to use drugs. Jade tells her dad how proud of him she is that he’s clean and getting help. 

Later, Jade calls Christy’s drug counselor and lets her know that she thinks Christy isn’t taking rehab seriously, and that she should stay longer. On the way home, Jade breaks down, realizing she can’t save her parents from themselves. 

Back in California, Cheyenne gets the news that the person who shot at her and her family two years ago has decided not to take a plea deal, so the case will be moving to trial. Cheyenne is very upset. 

Cheyenne then snaps at her sister, R You Kidding Me Right Now, for daring to mention Cheyenne’s therapist. The sister gets up and leaves as Cheyenne cries about how everything that’s happening is not fair. 

That’s all for this episode of ‘Teen Mom: The Next Chapter!’ To read The Ashley’s recap of  previous episodes, click here!

(Photos: MTV)