Scrape up whatever tiny amount of dignity you have left and hold on to your lunch because it’s time for yet another episode of “Employment-Challenged ThirtySomethings Embarrassing Themselves On Vacation”…. er, I mean Teen Mom Family Reunion!
This week’s adventure picks up after the Moan-A-Thon exercise, where we find Sean feeling both hungover and humiliated over his actions the previous night. To add insult to injury, moments after waking up, he’s greeted by a “Spanish”-speaking Tyler who knows less about inside voices than Sean knows about having el sexy time with Jade.
Sean proceeds to tell Tyler that he “went through it last night” and ended up having a cry-sesh while venting to Jade about his past, his prior drug use, how he’s treated her over the years. Sean says he hasn’t been himself since arriving at Casa de Unemployed and that he believes his drinking is to blame. He vows to make the rest of this free vacation a dry one.
Back in Sean and Jade’s cabana of celibacy, Jade wakes up feeling under the weather and the medic is called in to see her. She’s given some meds and is ordered to hydrate and rest. (But, you know, she’s not hungover– she’s just tired, has a headache and feels like she’s gonna throw up.)
Jade agrees to lay low, even if it means missing out on a couple ‘Family Reunion’ festivities.
While Sean tends to Jade (i.e. uses her hangover as an excuse to get out of whatever trashcan activity the “experts” have planned), the rest of the couples head down to the beach in preparation for a workshop. This time, the activity features giant blocks labeled with issues that may arise in a relationship. (Interestingly, “Pretending to enjoy that your husband is on OnlyFans” is not written on any of the blocks.)
The couples are instructed to come up one at a time and rank the issues in their relationships from least-important to most-important. Cate and Tyler are up first, and naturally, they’re both eager to let everyone know that intimacy is the issue they struggle with least. Meanwhile, Cate says she struggles with communication and Tyler says anger is an issue for him.
Maci and Beer Taylor are up next and we’re immediately disappointed that producers didn’t think to throw in a special “Forgetting to Restock the Beer Fridge” block for the hoppy happy couple.
Instead, Maci and Beer Taylor agree that trust is the least of their issues, meanwhile communication (according to Beer Taylor) and intimacy (according to Maci) are things they need to work on.
Next it’s Zach and Cheyenne’s turn to air their dirty relationship laundry for all to see, followed by Cory and Taylor. Before wrapping things up, Taylor and Cory admit there are trust issues in their relationship because Cory cheated on Taylor years ago.
The cast, except for Cheyenne, pretend to be surprised by the news of Cory’s philandering past, and Cate tells the group she’d never be able to forgive Tyler if he did such a thing–- no matter how many therapy horses he’d offer to buy her with his “nudie cutie” money.
Cory expresses some frustration over Taylor’s inability to forgive him for something he did five years ago. (UM?!)
This results in Cory getting called out by the experts for attempting to defend his awful behavior and not taking Taylor’s feelings into consideration.
Back at the house, Cheyenne asks Cory if he was surprised that Taylor opened up about her trust issues with him, to which he says “no” and claims he’s certain she hasn’t forgiven him yet.
As some of the other castmates join the conversation– including Taylor– Cory says not only is he still paying for his cheating mistake, there are other issues he and Taylor have as a couple. Right on cue, Taylor brings up Cory’s commitment issues and the fact that he’s not willing to put a ring on it.
Cory tells Taylor he’s glad they’re on the ‘Family Reunion’ because he thinks it will help them ensure that their “spark” is still going strong, which is a really nice way of saying, “I’m willing to knock you up multiple times and build a home with you, but I draw the line at any and all things matrimony.”
As the couples go off on their separate ways to nap/sell their home/etc., Cate and Tyler hang by the pool and talk crap about their castmates, past and present. Cate gives Tyler the hot goss on Mackenzie McKee, who is now divorced from her husband Josh “Mumble ‘n’ Spit” McKee. Cate says that Mack is now dating someone new. As she creeps on Mackenzie’s socials, Cate reveals that Mackenzie and her non-rodeo-ridin’ BF will be joining the group on the ‘Family Reunion’ and that she hopes Cheyenne will be ok with the addition, as the two “went through some things” in the past.
(Here are “the things,” in case you care…)
Tyler says he hopes this MTV-funded getaway will be just the place where Mackenzie can “work on herself, get educated, apologize [and] take accountably with Cheyenne.”
After dragging their fun-employed behinds out of the pool, Cate and Tyler head upstairs to talk about the lingerie party they’ve organized for the house later that night.
WHY?! WHY, GOD, WHY!? WHY MUST THERE BE A LINGERIE PARTY!? Can’t Tyler keep his thongs to himself and save it for the OnlyFans?!
JESUS GOD LEAH.
While putting the final touches on the sex toy gift baskets she and Tyler have made for each couple, Cate says she hopes the party will help the other couples get out of their comfort zones.
(OK, is it just me or is Catelynn becoming more and more like one of those brothel Madames from the Old West cowboy movies with every episode? You know, the ladies who wore velvet hats and called all their brothel workers “Sugar Tits” and whatnot when she was collecting their “rent?” It’s just weird…)
As Cate and Tyler dole out assorted plugs, harnesses and other items that are sure to have the cast’s kids embarrassed for decades to come, Sean says he and Jade will be skipping the festivities due to Jade being sick (and Sean being sick of talking about his sexy time on TV). He thanks the Hangover Gods for giving him an excuse to get out of this Humiliation Jamboree!
Taylor admits that she’s not a big fan of the party theme, due to her confidence not being what it used to be, but Madame Cate jumps in to give her some encouraging words…and hand her a sex harness.
Cate doles out the “toys” to all of the couples.
Before the party even begins, we’re subjected to Cory’s nearly-bare and covered in hair butt, as well as a silk-robe-wearing Tyler.
This show officially feels like some sort of hellscape social experiment MTV is conducting on its viewers.
Nevertheless, we persist…
Once the house party attendees make their way downstairs, Cheyenne notices that Taylor is missing so Cory decides to stop talking about his desire for a “‘Teen Mom’ orgy” long enough to go check on her. Armed with chocolate covered strawberries, a glass of champagne and an ensemble that’s giving, “I just chaotically ran through the aisles of a Party City, Supermarket-Sweep style,” Cory convinces Taylor to join the circus downstairs.
Soon, everyone is clad in random Halloween costumes, boxers and an assortment of silk pajamas.
Cory (who has mercifully put on a robe) is all suited up like a stripper who stopped at the Dollar Tree before his first gig.
We are forced to watch as Maci busts her best “Spring Break 2011” dance moves on Beer Taylor’s groin. Due to their lack of chemistry, it feels like I’m watching Maci twerk on her brother.
HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!
Everyone is just slugging down drinks like it’s the last day MTV is paying for them or something. Madame Cate decides it’s the perfect time to tell Cheyenne that Mackenzie will be making her way to Colombia soon. Cheyenne says she thought she was leaving her beef with Mackenzie in the past, and not bringing it along with her on this free vacation.
She informs Taylor (who spends her time mom-ing and not involving herself in this middle school cast drama) that Mackenzie is coming… “her and her Black boyfriend.”
Chey explains that, back when all the Mack stuff happened, she and Mackenzie had an hour-long conversation in which Chey claims she gave Mackenzie an entire Black History lesson. Cheyenne said the convo went well…until the end when Mack told her that Josh thought Cheyenne was going to be an “angry Black” during the conversation.
Cheyenne goes on to explain that, after that, she tweeted about ignorance–a tweet that Mack assumed was directed at her. Cheyenne confirms that the tweet, indeed, was a low-key hit at Mackenzie. When Mack called Chey out for calling her ignorant, Cheyenne claims she told Mackenzie, “I do not accept your white tears.”
Cheyenne said that, after Mack went online and talked about the situation, Cheyenne and her family were harassed at their jobs, schools, and even Chey’s home.
Um…this is getting heavy. Can we go back to Tyler and Catelynn trying to get people to stick furry toys up their bazingles?
Madame Cate— who should be feeling kind of bad about foisting Mackenzie on Chey after hearing all that happened— assures everyone that Mack has done a lot of therapy and work on herself, and should be ready to join their House of Degenerates with little to no drama.
Chey promises to remain civil and not pull a Briana-Swinging-From-the-Chandelier moment.
Damn. There goes any hope of this show becoming interesting.
With that, the house erupts into a sexy time party. It’s just a jumble of cheap silk pajamas, confetti, tequila and whips.
Cory somehow ends up with his chest covered in whipped cream while wearing a cop hat. (I don’t even want to know.)
The bartender sees these trashbags getting trashy, so he decides to bust out some bugs.
No. Seriously.
He brings out a Colombian specialty– “big ass ants”– as he explains it. He wants the guys to eat them, and everyone screeches, “NOOO!”
Embarrass yourself on national TV? Sure. Pass out Easter baskets of butt plugs? Why not? But eating insects— that’s where they draw the line, apparently.
When the bartender explains that eating the “big ass ants” will make your um, “thrill drill” bigger, the guys leap at the chance to shovel in the critters.
After devouring a handful of peni ants, Cory strips down and hops in the pool. Zach gets nude next, followed by Tyler, flapping his money-maker. (Madame Catelynn is probably none-too-pleased that Ty’s giving away “the goods” for free, but she’ll allow it this one time.)
Ever money-minded, though, Cate soon screeches that, “This is going on OnlyFans!”
The next morning, everyone has the “sickness” that Jade had. They are all hungover, except for Jade and Sean, who did not participate in the lingerie party the night before. They seem relieved that they weren’t subjected to that nightmare.
Everyone looks like they were regurgitated as used dish towels, so when Dr. Mike arrives, he takes the only two who are not suffering– Jade and Sean— to do a couples’ session.
Jade tells Sean that she wants him to step up and be a man, and handle more things in their lives. Sean agrees, and then discusses how uncomfortable he has felt while allowing himself to drink a lot.
They discuss Jade’s fear of getting pregnant again. Jade says that, because Sean was such a butt plug when they had Kllloiii Khloie, she doesn’t want that to happen with Khloie 2.0. Sean agrees to wait until Jade is ready before knocking her up again.
Meanwhile, Mackenzie and her boyfriend Khessi arrive at the airport. He tells us he’s Jamaican and has never been part of the “‘Teen Mom’ experience.”
Mack stops taking selfies long enough to explain to us that she met her boyfriend online. She says they have been dating almost a year, and that Khessi is “very level-headed,” something she says she didn’t get with ol’ Joshy Mumbles.
Mackenzie says she’s anxious to apologize to Cheyenne in-person, and she vows to “do better” going forward.
Back at Casa de Unemployed, everyone is stuffing their faces with assorted fried foods and nursing their hangovers.
Just then, Mack and Khessi arrive at the house. Everyone appears to be unaware that they are there. They walk through the door and Cheyenne snorts, “Here we go!”
That’s all for this episode of ‘Teen Mom Family Reunion!’ To read The Ashley’s recap of the previous episode, click here!
(Photos: MTV)
23 Responses
Taylor, ditch Cory please. You deserve a lot more than this prick.
This crap gets more cringe as they keep trying to air dirty laundry. Doesn’t seem like anyone currently on or had been on the show can actually grow up.
Cheyenne has a problem with Mackenzie but not Tyler?? Didn’t he toss the N word around on tik tok to “blow off steam”? If you’re gonna say you don’t like somebody because of their comments, his are worse.
The caption about Ridiculousness had me rolling
Mackenzie should just ignore Cheyenne. She apologized more than enough years ago, move on
Whats up with maci’s face!!!’
She’s getting older but her style stays the same and it’s giving baby Jane.
The ads have gotten insane! I have like a 3 inch box to read the articles.
View this site using AdBlocker browser. So much better!
This recap was hilarious!! Thanks for the laughs! 🙂
“This show officially feels like some sort of hellscape social experiment MTV is conducting on its viewers.”
Good observation! It seems to me that this can be said for most of today’s TV shows, if not all of them.
White tears?
Wanting to kill white babies?
Who’s racist ?
What about when she said black boyfriend? All it seems to be you care about her saying is white.
Why does she need to comment anything about color?
It’s crazy how Cheyenne is a huge racist but she’s still steadily trying to portray herself as a victim of racism over every little thing. I remember the girls taking a trip to rural Florida and her acting like she was being personally attacked by there being Confederate flags around and being super dramatic about it. Like, I get she may have felt a little uncomfortable because she’s from California and not used to it, but she was really over the top, especially because she had a whole filming crew and security team in tow. What did she think was going to happen? MTV is so hypocritical for not kicking her off long ago.
Ooh I dont Magan, I get everyone has thier own opinions on her and it is what is but I agreed with Chey on that one. I have been in that position and it’s very uncomfortable to be somewhere where people are openly advertising they don’t like you based on your skin color. Not even based on WHO YOU ARE but what you look like. Everyone with me acted like I was crazy, they ain’t going to do anything with us here.
I am POC from Iowa , I see confederate flag it’s a good day to you and on my way. I know better.
Maybe it’s just because I’m from Northwest Florida (not near where they went) and know that the whole “redneck” thing isn’t usually how the media portrays it. When I was in high school (graduated in 2010) it was very common to have the flags flown on trucks and for kids to wear then on t-shirts, belt buckles, and hats at school and there was never any hatred behind it, just a Southern pride type thing. My school was maybe 50% white, 40% black, and 10% other races (if I had to give an estimate) and everybody got along fine for the most part and the black kids never had any issues hanging out with the rednecks and vis versa. Of course, racial tensions in general weren’t as high back then either.
I remember there used to be a line of t-shirts that had the flags incorporated into them in various ways and students of all races wore them, especially girls because most were done in “cutesy” type ways. People were always just very casual about it.
I moved about forty-five minutes away from there after I got married and the town I live in now is rural farms/woods and was historically a “sundown town” but now there are a few black families that have actually moved here because they feel it’s a safer area to raise their children. E also have a pretty large Hispanic population (some that have been here for generations) and I don’t think they’ve ever had any issues. There’s still Confederate flags flying but everybody gets along very well.
I can’t speak for other areas or claim that you’ll never hear anything hateful said to you here, but the vast majority of the people flying Confederate flags will be kind and respectful respectful of you so long as you do the same for them, and most would jump in to help you in a heartbeat if you needed it.
I’m sure that doesn’t really ease your mind about it, especially if you’ve had to deal with people doing or saying hateful things to you, I just wanted to share my perspective on it a little bit and thank you for sharing yours.
Out of curiosity, where were you during the incident you mentioned? Was it actually in the South or were you in Iowa? I do feel as though if it was outside of the South, it could be seen as much more of a red flag (no pun intended) because the reasoning would be different.
I totally get your perspective and acknowledge that your experience is different because you are from the south/florida. My step grandfather was a white southern man I understand things can be different.
I would say in the North it’s more a signal of being pro-white. Can I say this for everyone in the north, No. I don’t know everyone. But those WHO DO have said enough things to me to know those aren’t my people.
The particular incident though I spoke above wasn’t my only experience but it was a gun store in rural WI with big confederate flags and signs that also signaled I probably wasn’t welcomed there, it made me uncomfortable. I didn’t want to walk in alone and ask directions so I asked my friend to go with me. Instead of acknowledging her privilege and my discomfort she ridiculed me and continued to make jokes out of the situation. It changed how I looked at both of my friends.
I know that people don’t like Cheyenne and I don’t really have an opinion on her but sometimes people’s fears are real even if we don’t personally feel that way ourselves.
I totally understand where you’re coming from with how different things are now. I graduated high school in 2013 & I’m from south eastern Virginia, 30 minutes from Virginia Beach & 35 minutes from the North Carolina line. When I was in high school, as much as people don’t like to admit this nowadays, I did used to say the n word freely with my classmates of all races, as did everyone else, & we were actually encouraged to by our black classmates. They’re the ones who initiated calling us the n word first which turned into us saying it back. No one ever had an issue with it & I never heard of anything happening regarding racial issues. Nowadays you can’t even paint your bedroom white without people saying you’re racist. It’s just mind-blowing how different things are in just a short 10-year time span. It’s like we’ve gone back 50 years.
Also regarding the other comment about Cheyenne, I thought during that episode she said that one of the people actually said something to her along the lines of “go back where you came from” or something like that & that’s why she was so mad? If that’s the case I think she has every right to be upset.
@TeenMomFan- If I’m remembering correctly, her drama about the flag was when she didn’t want to go into a honky tonk, but at some point they also went to a rodeo and she *claims* somebody said something to her, but it wasn’t picked up by any mics and most of the other girls didn’t hear it, so I don’t 100% believe her. Not to mention the fact that if it was said, race might not have been the reason. Anybody that watches the show knows she’s from California and “go back where you came from” is said to Californians of all races these days in Florida because they’re moving here in floods.
I honestly think she made it up for a storyline and drama, though.
Steven Wiser- I really appreciate the fact that we were still able to have a very respectful and civil discussion. As crazy as it is, it seems like The Ashley’s site is one of the few places left that we can do that.
Good God, take this show off! Seriously
cheyenne really can’t keep blaming mackenzie on that drama when she chose to be petty with that tweet. i’m convinced she’s just dragging it because it’s easy to be mean to mackenzie