It’s once again time to check with Kody Brown and his trio of ex-wives…and Robyn. On this very special episode of Sister Wives, some of the Brown kids are saying “I do,” and some are shooting human beings from their loins, while Kody and Robyn work hard to somehow make these major milestones all about them.

Gone are the days where the opening credits feature all the wives stand smiling around Kody, as the frizz-haired father of their children proudly takes his spot in the middle. Now that Stella Christine, Meri and Janelle got their groove back (and kicked the polygamous Fraggle out of their damn lives!) each gets to stand on their own for their intro credit– hands on hip and full of spunk!

Christine starts off the episode by telling us that the whole clan of Browns has been invited to a wedding, but the mysterious bride and groom aren’t keen on Kody & Co. bringing a camera crew as their plus ones, so they aren’t allowing them to film at the nuptials.

(Interestingly, the wedding in question is that of eldest Brown child Logan and his now-wife Michelle Petty. Although Logan and Michelle used to film for ‘Sister Wives,’ they have not appeared on the show for years, so it’s no surprise they wouldn’t want their big day overshadowed by Kody, his drama and his sad crispy ponytail. However, it is interesting that none of the Browns will even mention that it’s Logan and Michelle’s wedding that they’re talking about!) 

Anyway, Christine says that she heard from the rumor mill (sooooo…probably Mykelti) that Kody and Robyn aren’t even sure it they will be attending the wedding. (Yes, Kody Brown is choosing his own comfort over being there for his kid…The Ashley will give you a moment to recover from the shock you’re surely feeling.) 

“The reason that I suggested that I not go is all the hate I’m getting from family members,” Kody says. “Mostly all the s**t talk from Christine and Janelle!” 

As he scurries around Coyote Pass— visor firmly in place— Kody tells us he’s trying to figure out “the best configuration” for the property. He has come to the realization that Janelle and Meri “probably aren’t going to end up” building homes on the cursed property (UM, YOU THINK!?) so now Coyote Pass causes him “a lot of heartbreak,” as it is a physical embodiment of his failure to be a good husband/father/provider/human being. 

Christine says that this will be the first time since the splits that all of the family will be in one place, and that she’s a little nervous to see how it will play out. She tells the cameras that that if Kody The Visor King and his weeping wife do go, she plans to be “friendly, but not be friends.” 

Meanwhile, Robyn tells us that the bride and groom specifically asked her and Kody to attend, so she wants to go, despite how tense everything is with Kody’s cornucopia of ex-wives. 

Kody, as per usual, can’t see past his own feelings and desires.

“I don’t wanna be there, with people lookin’ at me!” Kody pouts. 

Um…people are only going to be “looking at” you if you do that crazy dancefloor jig you insist on doing at every wedding, you egotistical maniac! People will be “looking at” the bride and groom, the latter of whom is one of the only adult kids you have who will still talk to you!

Kody says he’s “terribly hurt” about his wives ditching him, so he’s in no place to forgive any of them. 

Later, Janelle tells us how awkward it will be when she first sees Kody and Robyn at the wedding. We see an airplane taking off so we can assume that is supposed to tell us that all parties ended up flying to the wedding, which is happening in Las Vegas. 

Janelle says that, despite the bulk majority of her kids being angry at Kody, they know better than to make a big scene at a wedding. Instead, they plan to ignore The Kodster and pretend he doesn’t exist. 

Christine admits that she, and the rest of the family, all talk crap behind everyone else’s backs. She says it’s “pretty terrible” and should make for a sufficiently awkward wedding. 

“I would hope that we can all behave,” she adds.

Unfortunately, we aren’t given a front-row seat to the cringey awkwardness, as cameras were not allowed to film at the wedding. (You can see all the wedding pics here, though!) 

Later, Janelle fills us in on how things went. She calls it “bittersweet” because she didn’t speak to Kody and Robyn, and she acknowledged Meri, but didn’t really speak much to her. 

UM…did anyone else totally forget that Meri’s on this stupid show?! Where the hell is she?

Finally, Meri does surface and tells us that some of the people in the family don’t want to have anything to do with her. (Cough, Kody, cough…) She says she prefers to spend her time with the family members who haven’t banished her.

Janelle, meanwhile, thinks it’s weird that she and Kody are so distant now, despite them having been married for 30 years. 

Kody, again, makes it all about him. He claims he and Robyn were “put over in a corner,” which he says was “probably for our safety.” 

“Such a teenage drama!” Kody says of how Christine acted toward him. “I don’t like you any more than you like me! It’s civil war. Total civil war.” 

Later, Kody is manically pedaling around Coyote Pass, talking about how he wouldn’t date Meri if they were both single.

Okay…

He says that, despite him not wanting anything to do with Meri since the early 2000s or so, he doesn’t need one more hateful ex-wife, so he’s planning to try to “play nice” with Meri so that she doesn’t join Christine and Janelle’s “Anti-Kody” Club.

Speaking of Janelle, homegirl is spillin’ all the tea about how she used to have to threaten Kody to get him to leave Robyn’s cozy sex den and come to her house to see “HER” kids. 

Robyn tells us that she’s “so mad” at herself and the other adults for “messing with” a family “that was working.” 

Um…Robyn? Much like you, that family has NEVER worked. 

It’s game night at Kody and Robyn’s Home for Wayward Adult Children. Briana and Aurora are there, along with Solomon and The One With the Pacifier. They’re all playing Jenga, and Kody watches as Robyn makes the entire structure he built crumble. (Isn’t it ironic…don’t ya think?)

He then tells us how he has a “nice family experience” with Robyn and their kids, and how they are always doing fun family activities like this together. Robyn says that with all this happy fun time within their home, she struggles whether or not to remind Solomon and Ari that their dad also used to bone three other women, which resulted in him having a crap-ton more kids that he doesn’t speak to. She says her kids sometimes ask why the “whole family” doesn’t come to their birthday parties.

Janelle is happy to explain why she and her kids aren’t down with coming over to Kody and Robyn’s lovenest and playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey and whatnot. She tells us that Robyn always made her kids feel “separate” and would even scold them whenever they opened her refrigerator. 

Christine tells us that her kids also didn’t like going to Robyn’s house because they hated seeing Robyn and Kody lovingly whisper sweet nothings to each other, while Kody treated Christine poorly. 

Kody, on the other hand, insists that he and Christine were “always romantic” at her house.

Kody tells us that Ari once told him that she didn’t like Christine, and that he told Ari she can’t say that because she doesn’t even know Christine enough well enough to dislike her.

Um..? 

Kody then says that his young daughter saying that she disliked Christine because she left Kody actually “showed some loyalty” which made him happy.

UMM?!

Kody regales us with a time where Ari was “melting down” because she didn’t want Kody to go over to Janelle’s for his mandatory time with her. Kody says Ari grabbed his leg and wouldn’t let him leave, causing him to order Robyn to “drag” the kid off of him. Robyn was having none of it, Kody says. He claims Robyn told her Ari was “expressing herself” and that Kody needed to take the time to let her do it.

Janelle says that her kids were used to Daddy peacing out for most of the week, and that Kody and Robyn failed when it came to preparing Robyn’s kids for livin’ that polygamist life. 

Janelle says that Kody and Robyn “mismanaged” the situation by allowing Ari being “so sad” to dictate how Kody spent his time.

Robyn insists that Ari’s sadness never resulted in Kody skipping his time with another wife. In fact, she swears that she “wouldn’t have allowed it.” 

Robyn tells us that she’s still “grieving” the loss of Kody’s other wives and the family unit. She says she has “situational depression” from it and that she misses some of the family members. Kody, meanwhile, says he believes that eventually his kids will come “back” to him and they will forget all the crap he did (or didn’t do). Robyn says that it’s been “over-the-top devastating” to them to lose the family. 

Meanwhile in Utah, Mykelti is about to squat out her twins. She brings the TLC camera crew to her doctor’s appointment, so we get a right-from-the-stirrups view of Mykelti and her baby bump (which is basically the size of Coyote Pass right about now). 

Mykelti is hoping to heave the double Kody grandspawn out of her hoo-ha naturally, but the doctor breaks the news that one of the babies is breech, so Mykelti will likely have to have a C-section. 

Kody– who, mind you, has never had a human being expelled from his loins— tells us that he prefers home births because it’s a very “natural experience.” 

Later on, Mykelti is preparing to be induced to give birth to the twins. Everyone is excited, even Robyn, who says it’s a really big “dill” that Mykelti is letting her be a part of the birth. She hopes that Christine doesn’t stage a wrestling match right there in the hospital waiting area. 

Robyn hits the road and is driving to Utah with Tony’s mom Maria. (If Robyn is away, who is staying with Solomon and the One With The Pacifier!? They’re TENDERS!) Robyn, ever the martyr, tells us that she has decided to put aside all of her “fillings” of betrayal and vows to make nice with Christine, at least while a doctor is carving babies out of Mykelti.

She says she can’t force anyone else to act or think a certain way. 

Janelle sticks up for Mykelti, saying that she has always been close to Robyn, and that Mykelti shouldn’t be attacked for wanting to have a relationship with her and Kody, despite their trashbaggery ways. 

At the hospital, Tony gets suited up in hospital garb so he can go into the operating room with Mykelti for her C-section. That leaves Christine, Robyn and Aspyn sitting in the hospital waiting room together. (I’m sure Aspyn would have volunteered for medical research if it got her out of that awkward AF room.)

Soon, Archer and Ace are born and everyone is thrilled.

Mykelti feels lucky that Christine and Robyn were able to put aside their differences to be there for her. Everyone takes turns holding the babies, and Robyn sobs later thinking about how she and Christine were holding grandbabies together, and it’s what Robyn has always dreamed of. (No doubt she called Kody and told him to get to Home Depot STAT and buy some damn rocking chairs to haul into the hospital room!) 

Christine ends up staying at the hospital to help Mykelti and Tony with their first night with the twins. The next night, Robyn goes home with Mykelti and Tony to spend the night at their house and help take care of the twins, alongside Tony’s mom. Their daughter, Avalon, meets the new babies and is not thrilled. 

Kody remembers back when Logan was born, and claims that Christine was jealous of Janelle for having him.

Christine’s version of the story is different: she claims her feelings had nothing to do with Baby Logan, just that she was still adjusting to her first year being married to a dude who already had two other wives. Kody says he no wonders if the family’s early “happy years” were secretly full of “suppressed jealousy and rage.” 

Robyn is planning to stay for a few days, and then let Christine come stay. Christine admits that having Robyn there has been awkward, but she’s doing it for Mykelti’s sake. Despite “playing nice” with Robyn while babies were being birthed and whatnot, Christine says she has no plans to try to be one big “happy” family again any time soon.

That’s all for this episode of ‘Sister Wives!’ 

To catch up on more ‘Sister Wives’ episode recaps, click here! 

(Photos: TLC)