Pause family game night, throw on purple floral blouse and get ready to take absolutely no accountability for any of your own actions– it’s time for another episode of Sister Wives! 

This week’s episode kicks off in Utah where Christine is hosting a dinner for some of her children, including her son Paedon, who is meeting her boyfriend David for the first time. Before David arrives– and is subsequently mauled by Christine’s mouth– Christine asks that her kids “please be nice this time” and not scare away her future husband, to whom she’s not even engaged. 

When David arrives at the door, Christine reminds her kids to “behave” one last time before welcoming him into her home/makeshift interrogation room. 

Within moments of David entering the lion’s den room, he is greeted by Paedon with a “hello, Richard,” despite that not being his name.

Much like 75 percent of Kody’s marriages, Paedon’s “joke” flops, but the awkward silence is fortunately saved by Christine’s daughters, who ask David what he thought of the wedding venues he and Christine looked at recently. David, who, remember, has yet to pop the question to Christine, says he’s a fan of one of the options, largely due to the quantity of people the place can accommodate.

David then shocks the kids by revealing that he and Christine already have a wedding date tentatively set for October 22. 

As Christine’s kids exchange side eyes amongst each other amid comments about how fast their mom and David are moving, Christine lets viewers know that she would’ve liked if she and David had moved even faster, preferably during their second date when they went to see “The Little Mermaid.” 

Christine’s spawn go on to pepper the couple with questions and comments about their first kiss and what bodily functions they’re comfortable doing in each other’s presence before both Aspyn and Ysabel mention (again) that they still aren’t used to seeing their mom getting her PDA on with someone, especially since it wasn’t something they ever saw their mom and dad do growing up.

According to Christine, she’s “just testing” her kids with all this PDA and whatnot, and they have to get used to seeing her shoving her tongue down their future stepfather’s throat because “it’s just what’s going to happen.” 

I think that’s nice…

And speaking of things that make ya wanna vomit, we next jump down to Flagstaff where we find Kody reminiscing on his and Christine’s relationship and the “fun times” the two of them shared during their marriage.

Um…are those ‘fun times’ in the room with us? 

Despite these allegedly “fun” and “special” times, Kody claims he and Christine were unable to maintain a friendship after their split due to the massive betrayal he felt when she left. 

Later on, a giddy Kody thrusts himself into the camera to let everyone know it’s his 55th birthday. In honor of what he most certainly believes should be a national holiday, Kody takes a trip down memory lane, reflecting on his “interesting life” and how much things have changed since he turned the big 5-0. 

Kody says he spent the night before his birthday discussing values with Robyn, while admitting that he’s “struggled” with his own values in the wake of his three divorces. Kody proceeds to talk about the “big pitcher picture” he had in his mind of his larger-than-life family and how it’s since been “shattered.”

DERN THAT CHRISTINE!

He does, however, give Robyn a shoutout for being “safe, kind and sweet.”

While Kody claims he’s content kicking it with Robyn, the adult live-in “tenders,” King Sol and…the one with the pacifer, he also says he has “tons of guilt” over his fractured relationships with “everybody else that’s out there.”

And, yes, by “everybody else” he means the baker’s dozen children he fathered before solely committing himself to Robyn and her sad eyebrows. 

As you do…

As for Robyn, she says Kody is lost and angrier than ever, not only because he’s in pain (which is no surprise, given his stabbed kidney and all), but also because he’s afraid that she will leave him, too. 

Kody goes on to talk about his purpose in life, claiming that for years it was all about family and children, who he imagined would always remain close to him, as in literally across the street. Kody says this idea wasn’t a plural-family thing, but rather an “enjoying-my-family thing,” something he apparently no longer does. 

Kody then talks about the possibility of reconciling with his children and even reveals that he’s set a goal to make that happen before his next birthday.

The day after Kody’s one-man birthday pity party, Christine and David manage to detach their mouths long enough to go ring shopping, despite David (still) having yet to propose. Christine explains that she and David are just “looking at rings,” however, this doesn’t stop her from responding to the jeweler’s “congratulations” with an overly excited, “thank you!” 

Christine reminds us that she’s never been shopping for engagement/wedding rings before, as her “engagement ring” from Kody was a Claddagh ring– the “Irish wedding rings” she and her fellow sister wives used to rock (and consistently mispronounce) back in the day. This time around, Christine has her heart set on nabbing a mixed-metal ring with a marquise diamond. For some reason, we’re then forced to hear Janelle and Meri describe their ideal engagement/wedding rings…even though no one cares and/or asked.

(To be fair, they do have to insert Meri’s mug in here somewhere. I keep forgetting she’s on this show.) 

We also get some input from Kody, who insists that he doesn’t even know if Christine is dating anyone. He notes, however, that Christine probably is looking for love, as finding a soulmate “was her goal in leaving.” 

After a trip down memory lane– featuring the same old photo of Christine wearing her horrific OG wedding frock– David and Christine design their matching “edgy” rings and leave the jewelry store to continue planning their wedding… even though– once again– they are not even engaged yet!

Back in Flagstaff, Janelle and Kody meet up for lunch to talk about Coyote Pass, which has yet to be paid off. Shortly after Kody sits down and starts sipping his water, Janelle tells him that, no matter how much he wants to avoid it, they need to discuss the property, as the deadline to pay it off is coming up. Janelle reminds viewers that the bank can technically take the property back in a few months if they’re unable to pay off the remaining balance due to Kody & Co. signing “a really bad contract”– a fact that should surprise absolutely no one who has ever seen this show.  

Kody, who remains as bitter as his lemon water, says he knows the property needs to be paid off, but admits he doesn’t want to do Janelle any favors along the way. Despite this, Kody also seems hopeful that Janelle hasn’t ruled out the idea of building on the property, though Janelle quickly informs him that he has a better chance of being voted Dad of the Year than he does of ever shacking up with her again. 

After Janelle tells Kody they are never, ever getting back together (which, for some reason, really seems to surprise The Curled One), Kody responds by bragging about his newfound friendship with Meri. He then tells viewers that he would only reconcile with Janelle if it would bring him closer to their children. However, when Janelle mentions the kids to Kody at lunch, Kody argues that they’ve shut him out because they’re still pissed about everything that happened during Covid.

Janelle fires back, telling Kody that she always felt like his life was centered around Robyn and The Chosen Five, which Kody– and Robyn, via confessional– deny. 

Janelle clarifies that Kody’s life is centered around his youngest kids, to which Kody interrupts to add, “and you don’t have little kids,” before suggesting the “generation gap” between Janelle and Robyn has contributed to their discourse.

So, to recap: Kody wants Janelle back, because he thinks it will help him worm back into his kids’ good graces, not because he actually wants her. He also wants her to become pals with Robyn, and when Janelle doesn’t want to do that, he basically calls her old AF.

AS YOU DO.

Surprisingly, Janelle doesn’t get up and leave at this point and instead, brings up an incident that happened years ago when Kody got mad at her over a conversation she had with Robyn about the purchase of the Mountain Mansion. Janelle goes on to call out Robyn for ratting her out to Kody over the alleged conversation. 

When asked about the incident, Robyn insists she didn’t rat on Janelle, before admitting to doing exactly that.  

Janelle bringing up the incident with Robyn doesn’t sit well with Kody, who claims that rehashing the past will only lead to more destruction (for him, of course). Janelle tells Kody if she can’t speak freely then there’s no sense in continuing the conversation.

She also tells viewers that Kody reacts this way anytime she or her kids try to talk to Kody about Robyn, whom she dubs Kody’s “sacred cow.” 

YAS.SHE.DID!

After Kody has to hear Janelle call his beloved wife an actual cow, we head to Utah where we’re treated to some equally riveting content, courtesy of Meri and her carriage house. As you may remember, Meri– who is also celebrating her birthday this episode– previously hired someone to renovate the carriage house located on the property of her bed and breakfast and it is finally complete and ready for her and her weird-patterned leggings MLM to set up shop. 

Before the “big reveal,” which, honestly is about as exciting as watching Kody scrunch-curl his hair, Meri tells viewers that she’ll also be using the space as a place to workout and she jokes that she even plans to add a stripper pole upstairs. After seeing the finished carriage house, Meri blows out the candles on her birthday cake, joined by Jenn and Blair the decorator. 

Speaking of things that blow, back down in Flagstaff, Janelle and Kody continue their conversation over sacred cows and whatnot, with Kody ultimately accusing Janelle of playing the victim. After refuting Kody’s victim comments, Janelle tells him they would never be able to fix things between them because he has, and always will, side with Robyn. Kody says this isn’t the case, though he reiterates that the only reason he and Janelle would ever reconcile would be for their children. 

Janelle proceeds to tell Kody that she doesn’t consider them married anymore, despite still being married in the eyes of their church. She also claims that she doesn’t know how to get a “spiritual release” from the church to officially end things, to which we suggest that Janelle learn about a little thing called Google. 

When faced with the possibility of being “spiritually released” from yet another wife, Kody finally admits that he doesn’t want to “have another failure” to his name.

Instead of accepting the consequences of his actions, however, Kody (once again) brings up the idea of him and Janelle working things out– something Janelle tells him is not going to happen. 

After realizing that Janelle isn’t going to reconcile for the sake of his reputation, Kody switches the conversation back to Coyote Pass. Janelle firmly tells Kody that she wants the money for her portion of the property, although she’d be happy to build on the land if cash isn’t a possibility. Kody claims that if Janelle were to build on the property, it would “set him free” to go elsewhere, as he and Robyn wouldn’t want to live on the property next to “the ex wife.” 

Once again, Janelle suggests that Kody buy her out, revealing that it would be a better option as she’d prefer to move closer to their daughter Maddie and their grandchildren in North Carolina. This, of course, leads Kody to ask why Maddie didn’t reach out to him personally to tell him she was expecting another baby.

“The kids are feeling very estranged from you,” Janelle tells him. 

Before wrapping up their Coyote Pass conversation, Kody claims he doesn’t understand why his kids aren’t jonesing to be in his presence on a regular basis, before ultimately placing the blame on “jealously and gossip.” 

That’s all for this episode of ‘Sister Wives!’ 

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(Photos: TLC)