“Totally!”
Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra have remained vocal about their personal struggles with adoption since placing their daughter Carly with her adoptive parents Brandon and Teresa Davis in 2009. In a new interview with USA Today, the Teen Mom stars spoke about their decision to share their adoption experience on 16 and Pregnant, as well as the challenges they continue to face as birth parents.
“No one really saw that happen before in real time,” Tyler said of his and Cate’s birth parent experience being documented on TV in 2009. “And then when we got chosen to be on ‘Teen Mom,’ and now following the aftermath of an adoption, we never got to see that ever on [reality] TV or in real time either.”
As fans of ‘Teen Mom’ know, Cate and Tyler’s relationship with Carly’s parents has continued to sour over the years, with the ‘Teen Mom’ stars often venting about the situation on both MTV and social media, much to the dismay of Brandon and Teresa, who have asked the reality TV couple to not post about them or Carly online.
Tyler and Cate’s rants often garner comments criticizing them for not respecting Carly and her parents’ wishes; however, Tyler claimed in September that he and Cate are forced to express their feelings in a public manner in order for Carly to be able to see that they “always tried” to keep communication open between them and her.
While the couple– who are parents to young daughters Nova, Vaeda and Rya– were initially told they would have an “open adoption” with Carly, they revealed earlier this year they that Carly’s parents had cut off communication with them and that the yearly visits between their two families had ceased. Despite the pushback, Cate and Tyler are doubling down on their decision to share their adoption struggles with their millions of social media followers.
“ … all we can do is really just share our story and continue to share the facts regarding adoption,” Tyler said this week. “ … at the end of the day, adoption equal trauma.
“It’s trauma for the adoptee, it’s trauma for the adoptive parents and it’s trauma for the birth parents,” he added.
Cate and Tyler said they have not pursued legal action to contact Carly, partly because they fear that doing so may take a toll on Carly, but also because they realize that Brandon and Teresa are ultimately the ones who are responsible for making decisions when it comes to Carly.
“Not being able to be involved, it’s that power dynamic, which is so hard, because we can say how we feel, and we can say our wishes and wants, and we can put ourselves in their shoes constantly, but at the end of the day, they hold on to all the control,” Cate said.
Meanwhile, when asked on social media in September if Brandon and Teresa had taken any legal action to silence him and Cate from (continuously) blasting them online, Tyler said they hadn’t, but he “would welcome that challenge” if Carly’s parents sought it out.
While it doesn’t appear that Cate and Tyler plan to take any legal action themselves to regain contact with Carly, they both believe that potential birth parents should listen to the adoption experiences of others in order to know what they’re getting into before deciding to place their child for adoption.
“Be curious about stuff that may challenge your way of thinking about it,” Tyler said. “No matter what, learning about adoptee trauma is what’s going to better inform birth parents on how to move forward and what’s better going to inform adoptive parents.”
Cate added that, while she doesn’t regret the choice she made as a teenager, she wishes she would have had a better understanding of the decision she was making.
“I just wish I was more educated as a young child,” she said. “And I mean, let’s face it, we were children, but I do wish that I was more educated on it all, because I probably would have made different decisions.”
Cate said this week that she hopes Carly will one day watch her adoption story in order to see it all from her and Tyler’s perspective.
“I love her so much that I knew that she could not stay with me and I wanted her to have better,” she said.
On Wednesday, Tyler posted screenshots to his Instagram Story of messages he’d received from adoptees commending him (and Cate) for opening up about their adoption story with USA Today. Tyler told followers that for every “negative/ignorant comment, there are at least 100 messages” from people who agree with what he and Cate have to say about adoption.
“ … If your adoption experience has been a good & healthy one, that’s amazing!” Tyler continued. “But that doesn’t negate any of the stories/feelings of adoptees who didn’t share that same experience! & if you have no experience or relationship to adoption, then your comment/opinion really holds no value here … .”
In a follow-up Instagram Story, Tyler shared more screenshots of the positive feedback he’s received on social media, adding that, “adoptees deserve a voice over EVERYONE else!”
“Their experiences, feelings & opinions regarding adoption, should ALWAYS remain the PRIORITY, because they are the ones MOST affected by it,” he wrote.
(Photos: MTV; Instagram)
28 Responses
Any time they talk about adoption, even if they say they don’t regret it, they make it sound like it’s one of the worst things you could ever possibly do. I understand that it’s a rough experience for everyone involved. I’d love to hear things from Carly’s perspective one day. Cate & Ty aren’t really giving her the opportunity to have her privacy and grow up as “normally” as possible when they’re constantly putting past business out there. The only way to overcome trauma (god I fkn hate how often they use that word 🙄) is to address it in therapy. If they’re going, they either haven’t worked through it or they need a new provider.
This duo irritates me. CARLY sees the messages that C&T delivered! She seeing it, I promise, and guess what? She hates you both with all her heart, if she’s anything like my kid. Enjoy expressing your disdain for Carly’s parents by sharing your thoughts about them publicly, sharing photos you were advised not to share, and writing down private memories—post all you have online because you will only ever receive that! You’ll be wondering, “What does Carly look like now?” for the rest of your life, and you’ll never find out! Thats yours, foolish pair with no morals and drenched in colesterol.
Cate & Tyler are two of the most entitled people I’ve ever seen. B&T made very simple requests of them at the beginning and they have refused to follow even the most basic requests. B&T still didn’t cut contact even after all of the trash talking and disrespect Tyler and Cate have shown them. IMO this all boils down to control. Tyler especially cannot stand not calling the shots and not being in control, he even told B&T that when they ask him not to do something it makes him want to do it even more. That is the mentality of a child. Brandon and Teresa have been more than generous with these two yet it’s still not enough for Cate and Tyler. C&T are the type of children that when you give them an inch they take a mile. They’re pouting because B&T won’t bend to their will & they’re hurting Carly in the process. They both need to grow up & worry about the kids they do have. Oh and these two went how long without contact or sending gifts or letters or even asking about how Carly is but they’ll throw hissy fits over visits and social media posts. That right there shows me everything I need to know about how much they don’t actually care about Carly.
Of course it’s traumatic to place your child for adoption. That’s obvious. But it’s a necessary traumatic sacrifice that a lot of people choose to make for the well being of their child.
These two talk out of both sides of their money. They claim they went public (as if they have been for 15 years) so that Carly would know “the truth.” But, Tyler also said that he’s not worried about Carly being hurt by the things he’s said because her parents don’t let her have a phone or internet access. So, which is it?? Is this for her or not? Because it seems like this has nothing to do with Carly and what she wants. It seems like Cate and Tyler are using this child for their own monetary benefit again while completely disregarding her parents’ wishes.
*both sides of their mouth
Brandon and Theresa did more to harm adoption. I don’t know how Bethany is still in business. There might be a few agencies with Bethany in the name. They did not live up to their promise. They are seeing to Carly’s needs. They are not monsters. Adoptive parents know at some point their child will be an adult asking about their birth parents and will consider how they were treated from an entirely different perspective. They will be in for a rude awakening by the time she is 30.
I find it upsetting Catelyn’s mom didn’t want the agency or this couple to have contact with her own 16 year old daughter. Yet they did anyway. The agency just needed a baby for the fee they would get. Having adopted but did not pick domestic program but still went to overlapping classes on the matter the stuff promised them seemed more closed adoption. Did they even know? She is right. She was not given all the information. The couple knew about the show before it was final X days after signing. We saw her handed over on the street. Definitely know before the handoff. They can’t just say we didn’t realize it would be on tv more than a year later. Just like C and T can’t say we didn’t know we really could not see her from time to time like said so we want to change the contract. B&T still see the couple as a couple of kids. Catelynn and Tyler’s parents treated disrespectfully in all this. If anyone needs someone to have another’s back how about the teen’s parents. How can adults violate the directives of the teen parents, how can the agency? Are they kids with good judgement to give them the baby but adults with bad judgement that they are complaining? They can’t be both.
No one should be mean to the couple in their private spaces. Out and about. I know this couple hoped the pair would split and they would maybe be dealing with just mom and photos until she partnered later on and had kids she would keep she could focus on. We were told in the classes it was not uncommon for the AP to be the ones looking for bio parents or initiating the gatherings. Cause the kid might want that, want to know siblings, imagine life if they stayed and want the kid to know they have their support to do that. That adoption world was far more open from the start from before Carly’s birth, that has been standard. I do not understand how the prospective adoptive parents were calling so many of the shots from the beginning. This seemed like and a 1980’s adoption not one from this century.
The real tragedy is it was mostly money the reason they didn’t parent, the show gave the money that they would have needed to be okay. There was no concern they would lose custody.
Whatever you think of C&T they have every right to caution people against placing a child for adoption and for speaking out they were too young and their representation was violated in that her mom opposed and that they pair were not treated ethically. There was a conflict of interest among the people meant to keep things fair for them. They were not treated ethically. They can say they chose the wrong couple. They have also been clear Carly has been treated well. But the pair agreed to more than that.
The only couple together from the series at least that season. The one who placed. They would not have the other 3 if they broke up. The other parents stuck together and don’t really want to be, all because they had a child. Other parents. Step kids all over the place and half siblings. Days disrupted to go spend the night or weekend somewhere else. Cautionary tale.
I know people don’t like them for various reasons but it doesn’t make what they’re saying any less true. Catelynn and Tyler chose adoption because their own parents had failed them and they wanted more for their child than they could provide at the time. It wasn’t because they didn’t love her. It was a sacrifice they made for their child because that’s what parents do. I get that Brandon and Teresa want privacy but their kid’s biological parents are reality TV stars and they just have to deal with that and sacrifice what they want because that’s what parents do. The well being of the child should always come first. It’s very hard to image a situation where cutting off contact with her 3 biological siblings wouldn’t be traumatic.
The well being of the child is decided by the legal guardians. C&T have no parental rights to make any decisions for Carly. If they cared at all for Carly they would respect B&T decisions. The way the behave on line makes me think they have no regard for Carly’s feelings whatsoever. They are being very selfish.
Brandon and Teresa do not have to deal with Cate and Tyler being reality stars. They didn’t sign up for that. They signed up for a one time documentary style show about adoption, no one knew what this show would turn into. Cate and Tyler clearly have no problem exploiting their children for money but Brandon and Teresa have every right not to want to exploit theirs. Carly is legally Brandon and a Teresa’s daughter, they are not coparenting with C&T. The fact that C&T are willing to risk the relationship with Carly and her parents just so they can talk about her and post about her should show you that it’s not actually about Carly for them. They shouldn’t be doing this to a 15 year old girl. Her life is none of the public’s business yet C&T keep making it our business. I’m actually appalled by their behavior and self righteousness, it’s actually quite disgusting that they’re making Carly’s life such a spectacle.
@The Ashley: I wish you wouldn’t post Brandon and Theresa’s last name. The article is all about how they want their privacy, yet you post something that’s never been on the show. Even if it’s been leaked elsewhere, doesn’t mean it should be fair game to post constantly. Plenty of people are reading your words and learning it for the first time.
@sammy ~ brandon and theresa have participated in cover stories for multiple publications. that’s hardly ‘leaking’ their last name. also, it’s a super common surname.
however, it was SUPER nice of you to take time to criticize the owner of this site. 🙄🙄
@TheAshley NEVER releases private identifying information that isn’t already out there. She’s gone out of her way to protect people’s privacy many times in the past. Hell, she’s kept PUBLIC information from police reports off this site to protect children. She’s one of the only gossip bloggers who has even a shred of decency that I can think of. Their last name has been public for over a decade. Calm down…or maybe get off the gossip blog? People Magazine might be more your speed.
Crazy Teresa and Brandon asked ONE THING from them to not plaster Carly life for national audience and they can’t even do that. Now they wonder why they cut them off. They used all their kids as paychecks. Now on only fans wouldn’t want my kid anywhere near him after selling hisittle pecker for cash. How bout getting REAL JOB that u use your brain besides your pecker
The clearly see themselves and their interests as the most important part of this equation, hence they are the “victims”. Let’s be real, in an alternate universe where TM ended after one season and these two goobers didn’t make millions, living their best white trash life, they would realize they made the best decision for their child and be happy for her. Instead, they hit pay dirt with that never ending crap show and realize they can afford to screw up 20 kids if they wanted. Now, they are “using their voice” to scare people away from adoption. Like not everyone is going to hit the Lottery like you nerds and fall ass backwards into money, making adoption a less desirable option. They really are delusional and never matured past 16.
This is an interesting perspective I never once thought that Carly wanted nothing to do with them, but I do agree had they never made millions from the show they probably would have a different outlook on things.
That’s what pisses me off the most. They are actively trying to scare people away from adoption. My family was founded on my dad being adopted in an open adoption. Shockingly he had a good relationship with both his parents and his birth mother. Mostly because his birth mother wasn’t an entitled nutcase suffering from main character syndrome. These two idiots should try it.
I agree. Adoption can be wonderful. My grandfather was adopted out of an orphanage. My cousin was adopted and me and my husband are in the process of fostering to adopt. Our foster son wants nothing more than for us to adopt him. Everything to Kate and Ty turns into trauma.
I’m so fed up with these two. If Carly wanted to contact them, SHE WOULD. She has access to the internet, she has friends that could contact them if she couldn’t do that personally.
CARLY DOESN’T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU. Meditate about that and actually parent the 3 not Carlys that you had to replace the original.
Adoption does equal trauma, but usually for the child, which is what matters. Turns out being yanked from the only person you know at birth is a trauma your body remembers.
It’s ultimately about Carly, not them.
You weren’t adopted were you? 🙄 Stop spreading bullshit misinformation. Ignorant comment, almost as bad as the crap the idiot twins keep spewing.
It’s not misinformation, it’s from the research of people a lot smarter than me. And I’m not adopted, but I’m an adoptive parent, so I think it’s important to be informed.
And to be clear, usually the adoption is less traumatic than if the child had stayed with their birth parents. But it’s still trauma to be addressed. We all have trauma to some extent. It’s just important to recognize it and work through it. Adopted children can have codependency issues if the trauma isn’t properly addressed.
Did it ever occur to them that Carly might, idk, actually LIKE being raised by B&T? I know, crazy, right?
She could actually be happy and feel safe with them and maybe even… love them???
It’s very short sighted and presumptuous of C&T to assume that she’s traumatized.
Any trauma inflicted is 100% from C&T and their constant crashing out.
Weird how they say that adoptees’ feelings should always be the priority, while they ignore Carly and her feelings, opinions, experiences…the mere fact that she exists and is a human being.
It was Carly’s choice to stop contacting them. It was Carly’s choice to not meet up with them this past year. It was Carly’s choice to distance herself from the…waves arms maniacally… shitshow that these two have created. But, sure Tyler your feelings, as someone who nutted and then told his (at the time) gf that he wouldn’t stick around if she kept the baby, should be on the forefront.
I have experiences with adoption that cover the entire spectrum, so I can empathize with certain aspects of how everyone involved feels, things they might experience and a whole lot of that isn’t always very pleasant. That said, these two are the poster children for why adoption can be a good thing. They behave as if someone stole Carly from them, and that someone is continuing to keep her away-despite the fact that she WANTS to be away! Tyler, you made a choice, a good choice, even if a personally painful choice, to place Carly and her needs above your own. You can have all the feelings you want about it, but what you don’t have a right to do, is dump those feelings on Carly. Because she DOES see what you say and do, even if she doesn’t want to, and her actual parents try to prevent it. You make certain she does. I guarantee you that is causing her pain. I have kids who experience similar things and you’re NOT helping her at all by constantly reminding her that you didn’t want her (because that too is part of your story). She doesn’t need to be burdened with believing she’s hurting you-which you do with every story you post/share/monetize. She’s a teenager for fuck’s sake. She’s going to likely take everything to heart and it’s going to make navigating life as an adopted child, a teenager, a girl, with biological parents who can’t stay the fuck out of the limelight and keep her name out their damn mouths, so much more difficult. Just stop, for crying out loud, it’s not that damn hard.
Your poor girls need parents that love them as much as they love Carly. So, fucking stop making Carly into a lost appendage and take better care of your family… financially, physically, mentally…just deal with yo shit man! Quit making money off Carly’s pain, assholes.
Crazy idea.
Adoption ≠ Trauma
Retelling your adoption story for profit on national TV over a thousand times, and never allow to move past it ≠ Trauma.
They need professional help, and to get off SM. This is helping them, it certainly isn’t helping Carly, its not helping B&T. So if its just hurting everyone, including the child, maybe just stop. She knows you want to talk, she knows you want her to reach out, when/if she ever wants to she knows. So just stop.
Not even going to read this article, but are they tired of Kail’s insufferableness getting the spotlight so their insufferable asses had to pipe up?
💯 they are all so unbelievably insufferable