Wedding bells are ringin’ y’all! Jana Duggar finally got hitched, making the perfect excuse for her sister Jinger and bro-in-law Jeremy to make a vlog!

Since the Duggars no longer have a reality show to recap (thanks a lot, Josh!) The Ashley is forced to recap this.

We kick things off with Jeremy and Jinger and their kids (who shall remain faceless) clomping through the airport in Los Angeles. Jeremy does not look thrilled to leave the Christian influencer creature comforts he and Jing enjoy in LA. 

He tells the camera, “OK…we’re heading to Arkansas” with the same enthusiasm that Jim Bob would have going to the condom aisle of the Piggly Wiggly. 

While Jerm isn’t thrilled to be staring down a week of kickin’ it in the cornfield with Jimmy B & the gang, Jinger is actually very excited to head home for Jana’s wedding. They look at some airport books for the kids and are soon barreling towards Duggartown.

When they touch down in Arkansas, Jinger tells us how “crazy” it is to be back in FundieLand, and how different Heehaw, Arkansas, is from the hipster haven they reside in back in LA. She even marvels at how there is “no traffic” near her parents’ home.

Next, we head to the wedding venue, where the rehearsal is already in full swing. (Michelle isn’t in view, but we can assume she’s aggressively scrunching her hair/sobbing about Jana not getting married in a church.) 

We see maid-of-honor Jessa practicing walking the aisle as Jana and her man Stephen greet elderly guests.

Next, a random assortment of Dugs are participating in a cake-assembling contest.. for some reason. (Entertainment must not come easy in Arkansas?)

Jinger has been paired with her brother John-David and together they’re struggling to assemble their sad wedding cake. While a bunch of kids run amok and the womenfolk laugh at the thought of men actually baking, Jeremy is joined by Joy‘s husband Austin and Justin Duggar to provide commentary on what in the holy hell is going on.

“It looks like John is getting down,” Austin says, giving us a mental picture that none of us actually needed or wanted. 

The contest is wrapping up and we get to see the, um, delectable treats created by the teams. We see James Duggar and some rando delicately icing their cake, while John and Jinger are finishing up theirs.

It is …odd. There are multi-colored handprints, vertical donuts and everything just looks…sticky. It’s a bigger mess than Josh Duggar‘s attempt at a political career.

After that, it’s time for Jing & Jerm to head back for the night. They’ll be bunking up at her brother Josiah‘s house. 

The next day is WEDDING DAY! Look outside because pigs are ding-damn flyin’ and H-E-double-hockey-sticks is freezing over because….Jana is actually getting married. It was the day most Duggar fans never thought would come, but, somehow Jana has finally escaped Jimmy B’s meathooks and will no longer have to be the house-daughter.

Jinger has been tasked with driving Jana to the venue. 

Jinger and the other Dugs selected to be Jana’s bridesmaids (Nothing for you, Jill!) are busy getting ready for the big day. 

Meanwhile, Jeremy hijacks a Duggar guy (whom I’m pretty sure is James but all the middle Duggar boys kind of look the same so it could be Jerome-Bob or John-Cletus or someone. Who knows?)

James(?)— who, mind you was basically raised by Jana— doesn’t even know that today is her wedding day. He thinks she’s getting married tomorrow, and Jeremy informs him that the hitching is actually today. This is news to James, who is scheduled to be “the usher guy.”

Riveting. 

Jeremy delivers the Vuolo Blessings to Jinger, who has been getting spiffed up for hours in preparation for the wedding. We go inside and we get our first glimpse of Michelle. She’s all gussied up, so someone is going to have to put a muzzle on Jim Bob to keep him off of her until the wedding’s over. 

Meanwhile, Jinger reports that the day has been “really sweet” and that she’s having “the sweetest time” on this “sweet day.” 

Jesus. Blink twice if you need help, Jing. 

Guests begin arriving as Jinger tells Jeremy that she’s still in disbelief that Jana is actually getting married.

The bridesmaids are all ready, and, oddly, no one is mentioning the fact that Jill is very obviously missing from the festivities. Even though Jana was Jill’s maid of honor, Jill didn’t even make the cut for bridesmaid at Jana’s wedding.

Jill finally does make an appearance at the wedding, dressed in a regular dress (that’s just short enough to get Jim Bob’s goat, natch). She takes a photo with the bride before she’s shuffled off.

Since there are no phones (or— gasp!— vlogging equipment) permitted at the ceremony, we don’t get to witness the moment that Jana finally says “I do” to Stephen. Jinger’s footage picks up right after the ceremony has ended and it’s time to PARTY, Duggar-style!

Sparkling grape cider for everyone!

Jana wants to take a photo with each of her siblings so Jinger knows it’s going to take a long time. There are 17 Duggar siblings to photograph with Jana. (One of the siblings, Josh, couldn’t make the festivities, given his pesky prison sentence and whatnot.)

After the photo-taking, Jana and her new husband Stephen are walked into the reception hall, with plenty of hootin’ and hollerin’. We don’t see Jim Bob, but we can be sure he’s at his reception table, trying to figure out who is going to do his laundry and iron his Dockers now that Jana is leaving the house. 

Jana— dressed in a backless(!) gown— looks like she’s in absolute heaven. Stephen dips her for a long, romantic kiss as (most of) the crowd cheers them on.

Next, the bride and groom toast and even end the night with a <GASP!> slow dance. 

Jana Duggar being the “rebel” Duggar at her wedding was not on my Bingo card! (Jim Bob and Michelle are probably telling everyone who will listen that Jana and Stephen weren’t “dancing,” but rather “joyfully moving their bodies for the Lord.”) They end the dance with a dip and a kiss, as they’re surrounded by an alarming number of Duggar toddlers holding fireworks. 

Jinger is a blubbering mess. She’s cried her fake eyelashes off seeing her sister Jana so happy. It’s time for the guests to send off Jana and Stephen and, as they load into the classic car, everyone is cheering. Jana looks ready to get the hell outta there so she can FINALLY bang her man! Michelle smiles as her daughter drives away in the car, knowing that her next grandblessing could be made that very night!

Next we have to sit through a couple of minutes of randos giving advice to the newly married couple. There’s some dude in a Spongebob tie rambling on about how long the days are once you get married. His wife just stands there smiling like the good Fundiebot that she is. 

We then find out that Spongebob Tie Guy is actually Jim, the soundguy from the Duggars’ reality TV shows! (The fact that he had a Spongebob tie should have tipped me off that he’s not of Fundieland.)

Jim may not be Fundie, but he’s definitely creepy. He tells Jeremy that it’s great to see the family again, and that he thinks it’s awesome that the Duggar kids are all being “fruitful and multiplying.” 

Not to be outdone in the creepiness department, James Duggar comes back on-camera to proudly declare that he “has another sister married off!” 

Um…

He does tell the “other losers” who wanted to marry Jana but didn’t that they “missed out on perfection.” That’s sweet…in a semi-creepy way.

And, with that, we are treated to a few wedding portraits to end the vlog! 

To read more of The Ashley’s Duggar-related recaps, click here!

(Photos: YouTube; TLC)