Spring has sprung, and with it, a brand-new season of our MTV guilty pleasure, 16 & Pregnant. For the first episode, we met Mackenzie, who is a cute-as-a-button 16-year-old from Miami, Oklahoma. Yes, Oklahoma. Who would have thunk there’d be one of those in the Midwest.
But, apparently, the Oklahomians wanted to do something to separate them from that other Miami, so they decided to pronounce it “Mi-am-a.” As you do.
Anyway, Mackenzie and her friends like to jump on trampolines and do competitive cheerleading in short-shorts and sports bras. I can only imagine how uncomfortable all the poor men that were forced to watch this episode with their girlfriends are feeling right about now. Normally they charge you like $3.99 a minute to watch this kind of stuff!
Mackenzie is in love with Josh, who enjoys for bull riding, wranglin’ wild horses and cutting the armholes off of his tank tops so that you can see his nipples. (Why, why why must all young men from the Midwest/South do this? I’ll give $2 to the first person who can explain this trend to me!)
Luckily, Josh and Mackenzie are totally in love because….wait for it…she’s pregnant.
Even though Mackenzie is preggo, it’s certainly not going to stop her from catching up on the latest hi-jinks over at the rodeo. She and her friends head over to the arena to watch all the ropin’ and wranglin’ action, and Mackenzie is relieved that Josh isn’t riding tonight, as it’s hard to watch him do something so dangerous, what with “all his concussions and stuff.” Really? Really?! You guys are making it too easy for me!
The next day, Mackenzie goes to tumbling practice, despite the fact that she literally has the belly of a 25-month pregnant woman. She’s determined to keep up her tumbling skills, but quickly learns that there are just some things you can’t do when you have a 45-pound baby inside of you.
In an attempt to show the team that she’s “still got it,” Mackenzie puts her leg over her head. With that, I hear the thundering sound of hundreds of awkwardly aroused men who now have to run to the shower to rinse off the shame of having the hots for a very pregnant (but very flexible) 16-year-old.
Anyway, Mackenzie and Josh are trying to have some fun before the baby arrives, but it’s not easy when you’re pregnant. Mackenzie is devastated when she isn’t allowed to ride the Ferris wheel at the local carnival, due to her delicate condition. She tries to reason with the two-toothed carnie worker, protesting that she’s “not too far along at all.” Ol’ Two-Tooth won’t budge, as he reckons that she be very pregnant.
She slunks away to reflect on all the fun she’s missing out on because she let Rodeo Boy put his horse in her stable without a saddle on. She then decides to ride the merry-go-round, but Josh is worried that doing so will question his manhood. Um…buddy I think your sliced up tank and sideways hat is taking care of that one on its own.
Luckily, the snaggle-toothed carnie running the merry-go-round has no problem letting a pregnant girl ride so she hoists herself on a horse while Josh holds her up.
Anyway, Mackenzie’s sisters are none too thrilled that their baby sis is preggo, and they are concerned that she and Josh will saddle their kid (pun intended) with some ridiculous name like “Cowbell” or “Spur.” Mackenzie assures them that she won’t do this to her child; in fact, she’s already got a great named picked out for her son: Gannon. (“It’s like Cannon…only with a ‘G!’”) Um, I’m pretty sure the boy would rather be named Cowbell…just saying…
Later, Mackenzie sits down with her mom to discuss how she got into this mess. She informs us that she wasn’t on birth control because she didn’t want to gain weight. (Obviously, judging by her ginormous stomach that worked out well.)
Mackenzie realizes that babies cost money and stuff so she decides that she and Josh should try to get jobs before the baby is born. She calls around town to see what jobs are available. Unfortunately, the local feed store and Tasty Freeze don’t have much use for a 7-month-pregnant 16-year-old at their place of business. Go figure.
Josh, on the other hand, hides in the corner at the mere mention of the word “employment.” Maybe he can get a job cutting up T-shirts for the other local hicks? He tells Mackenzie’s mom that his plan to get money was to do rodeos. Mackenzie’s not thrilled with that plan, because he could “break something…or have another concussion” she says. She’d rather him quit rodeos and get a real job.
Later Josh discusses the situation with his cowpoke friend. However, I can’t tell you anything that they talked about because I can’t understand a word these two say. (They’re kind of like Corey and his friends, only with cowboy hats instead of camo gear!)
The only sentence I was able to make out was actually the most important from the conversation. Josh’s cowpoke friend informs us that, “you don’t take away somebody’s rodeo.” No…no you don’t. I’m going to make some cut-up T-shirts with that saying on it and go sell them at some Hicksville carnivals. Um…hello, million dollar idea!
Since Mackenzie can’t take away Josh’s rodeo, he continues to ride. On the way home from a rodeo, Josh’s truck gets hit by a semi and lands him in the ICU. Mackenzie rushes to be by his side. Luckily, Josh is OK, although he’ll have to wear a neck brace for a while and may have to have surgery on his head. (I could make a joke right here, but I’m going to be classy and refrain.)
After a baby shower, Mackenzie heads back to school to start her junior year. She is so big that she is struggling to walk, and has to deal with all the little hens at school clucking behind her back. Soon, she starts to have pain in her stomach and realizes that she is in labor. She and her mom head to the hospital so that she can finally squat this baby out!
By 6 a.m. Mackenzie is in a lot of pain, and the doctor tells her that she will have to have a C-section because her baby is too big to push out naturally. The baby arrives and weighs nearly 10 pounds! (I think that’s what Mackenzie weighed before she got pregnant!)
Once they bring the baby home, reality sets in for Mackenzie and Josh, who are getting very little sleep. Mackenzie’s very lucky to have such an amazing family. They’re very supportive and helpful.
Even Josh has stepped up and is proving to be a good father. By this time, most of the baby-daddies on this show have already high-tailed it out of Diaperville.
Josh is even selling off some of his rodeo gear to buy things for the baby. (That’s how you know a man loves you if you live in Oklahoma!) However, things aren’t all great; Josh is still insisting that he wants to keep rodeo-ing. He even tells Mackenzie that, despite his neck injury, he is ready to hop back on a bull right then and there. This causes trouble for the couple, especially after Josh says he “don’t care” if he gets hurt or if his riding ruins his relationship with Mackenzie.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, kids. You don’t take away someone’s rodeo. You just don’t.