Howdy kids! Welcome to the (tardy) recap of episode 2 of Teen Mom 2 Season 4 er, I mean, Season 3 Part 2 (or, as I like to call it “Operation Get Rid of Jenelle So We Can Start Teen Mom 3!)
Anyway, this episode starts off with Kail. She’s preparing to go to court for her hearing with Jo over their brawl from a few weeks ago. Kail and her friend (La Fem) Nikita discuss how Kail feels bad for filing the Protection Order against Jo, and how she wonders if it will make them hate each other even more now now.
They go to meet up with Kail’s lawyer. Unfortunately, the lawyer is a woman. (Not gonna lie; I was really hoping that Kail was going to “rent” Jenelle‘s cutie-patootie lawyer, Dustin, for her court case. However, I’m sure he has his hands full, what with Jenelle, and “the weed” and all.)
Anyway, Kail suggests that she and Jo take a co-parenting class, and the lawyer says that she thinks that would be a good idea.
Speaking of [not] good ideas, Chelsea, who last episode revealed that she got doinked by a condom-less Adam, is still praying for “Aunt Flo” to come to town and tell her she’s not pregnant…again. She’s about to go to her first day of beauty school and doesn’t have much time to worry about periods or lack there of them.
She sends Aubree into the living room to fetch her coat and Aubree just stands at the door in bewilderment. Let’s stop here for a sec, shall we? Chelsea! Giiiirl, come on now! Either get Randy to pay for a house cleaner, or pick up your creepiness every once in a blue moon! Seriously. Seriously! From trash, to an assortment of Victoria’s Secret “PINK” sweatpants to some sort of hair extension/wig thing, that floor was just straight nasty.
OK, moving on. Chelsea and Aubree head to Aubree’s daycare (which for some reason is called “Truks & Tykes.” Do they wash big-rigs and babysit kids? Make the kids wash large trucks? I don’t get it.)
Aubree’s really excited to go to daycare, or possibly just happy that she can finally sit on a floor and play without having to worry about some sort of vermin jumping out from the living room trash pile and biting her. After dropping Chelsea off, Chelsea heads over to her school.
Over in North Carolina, Jenelle is stressing out about school, but is finding it hard to stay focused on her studies now that Kieffer is once again creeping around town. Fresh from his stay in the slammer, Kieffer’s looking for a place to put his stuff (i.e. his green hoodie) as well as his “stuff” (if ya know what I mean!) Naturally, his first thought was to go find Jenelle.
Unfortunately for Kieff, Jenelle’s unavailable and is in love with Gary the Marine. She tells her friend that she has no feelings for Kieffer but if she didn’t have Gary, she’d probably be banging Kieffer, smoking “the weed” and being a general degenerate, as per usual. Her friend points out that Gary is quite the catch; after all he has a car (!) and is a role model for Jace. (Wait, who? Oh, right the kid they show every once in a while!)
Finally, we check in with a very confused Leah. She tells her pal Kayla that now that she lost the baby, she doesn’t know where her relationship with Jeremy and Corey stands. Since Corey doesn’t know if he wants to be with Leah, it seems like Jeremy would be the better choice. She admits, though, that if Corey were to give her the greenlight, she’d drop Jeremy faster than you can say “Hey, get your paws off my fiance!”
Back at beauty school, Chelsea’s getting the rundown from “Miss Monica.” (Am I the only one that thinks that sounds like someone you’d call up for phone sex?) Miss Monica explains all of the “ologies” that Chelsea will be learning in school, and you can tell Chelsea’s head is just spinning. Next, Miss Monica forces the class to “mingle” so that they can get to know each other before they brutalize each other’s hair.
Chelsea is uncomfortable with all of the “mingling” fun, but Miss Monica isn’t letting up, so she’s forced to go talk to someone that’s not holding an MTV camera. Afterwards, Miss Monica goes over the “Rules & Regs” (yes she said that) of the school. She says they should think of school as a full-time job. I think I literally heard a record scratch inside Chelsea’s head at the mention of the word “job.” Chelsea doesn’t do job. (Just ask her boss at the tanning salon. And her boss at the….oh, wait. That’s the only one.)
Plus, if she has to be at school from 8 am- 4 pm every day, when the hell is she going to cry about/boink Adam?! Answer me that, Miss Monica!
In North Carolina, Jenelle is pressure-washing off her lady parts to get them nice and clean for Gary, who’s coming home from the military base this weekend to see her. She then heads over to the new Casa de Barb. (I guess MTV finally shelled out more money to Babs, allowing her to purchase a new house for herself, the baby and Mike. It’s the least they could’ve done, considering Babs has managed to refrain from murdering Jenelle over the past few years.)
Jenelle walks in (I’m bummed she didn’t announce her arrival by saying, “Knock! Knock! It’s ya daughta!”) Babs is just glowing with happiness over her new place, and Jenelle is trying to muster up some positive words for her motha.
The next day, Gary takes Jenelle out for a romantical grit dinner (yup!) and the conversation quickly turns to the latest Kieffer caper. Jenelle assures Gary that she has no plans to hump Kieffer should he crawl out of the sewer and try to get freaky with her. She tells Gary that she likes that he doesn’t “make” her smoke weed, or break into strangers’ houses, or be homeless or sleep in the car. Yup, Jenelle’s standards have risen, y’all! (At least until next episode when she’s back to snoozing in the Jetta with the Kieffsta)!
Anyway, Gary tells Jenelle that he knows they’re going to be in “luuuuv” forever and that he doesn’t see anything in their relationship changing any time soon. Oh, Gary, if only I hadn’t already seen the previews for this episode, I’d believe you. We all know that by the end of the hour, Jenelle’s going to go all “UFC” on your ass!
Over in South Dakota, Chelsea’s finished her first day of school, picks up Aubree and heads to South Dee-ko-tah Mary’s house to discuss the events of the day. Mary tells Chelsea that she’s proud of her for finally getting off the damn couch (and brushing her hair) and doing something with her life, other than grinding on Adam and eating sushi. OK, those weren’t her exact words but I’m pretty sure that’s what she meant.
Later that week, Chelsea’s struggling to finish her homework, in addition to struggling to start her period. She tells her friend Tiffanee (that spelling’s killing me!) about how she pissed out her IUD and “accidentally” had sexy time with Adam. She then explains that she might be pregnant (again) and if she is, she’s keeping the baby. Her friend just rolls her eyes.
Over in Pennsylvania, it’s time for Kail’s big court hearing with Jo. Nikita and Kail’s pal Gigi arrive to provide support for Kail. She wants to have a few people on her team, since she knows Jo’s going to bring his entire family (mom, dad, brother, grandmama, the whole gang). She’s also worried that he’s going to bring Kail’s nemesis, Vee. (I kind of hope he does bring her. I wouldn’t mind watching Kail rip out one of Vee’s giant hoop earrings and beat her with it. Just kidding. Violence is never the answer…except when it’s funny…or on Jerry Springer…)
Anyway, they all arrive at the courthouse and Kail’s lawyer advises her to try to work out a deal with Jo before going into the court. Jo’s lawyer (who is really rockin’ that “Fab 4″ haircut…hard) also thinks it’s a good idea for them to try to settle this on their own. Eventally, Kail decides to drop the Protection Order and they agree to go to co-parenting classes and not bring their “special friends” along when they pick up and drop off Isaac.
Over in Leah’s ‘hood, the twins, Jeremy and Leah are all heading out to dinner. The twins aren’t exactly making it a romantical evening, as they are taking turns making other-worldly screeches and throwing food all over themselves and the floor. Leah and Jeremy are doing their best to pretend the girls aren’t going apesh*t at the table, and are chatting (over the screeches) about how Jeremy used to creep on Leah’s Facebook page.
Eventually, Jeremy just gets this look on his face, as if he just realized that he’ll be dining at the Chuck E. Cheese (and other like establishments) on a weekly basis for the next five to ten years. He tells Leah that he thinks they need to “slow down” and not produce another screaming kid for a little while.Leah agrees to get back on her birth control.
Meanwhile, Corey has gone to his dad’s house to chat. He tells his dad that he broke up with his girlfriend, Summer, because he’s not ready for a relationship and that he’s still holding out hope of getting back into Leah’s Victoria’s Secret sweatpants at some point. His dad, always the voice of reason, reminds him that Leah is promised to another man and that he needs to give it up.
Of course, Corey doesn’t listen to his dad and decides to call up Leah and let her know that he still wants her, and hopes that she’ll move in with him. (I’m sorry, whaaaat?!) Leah tells him that she “wants Jeremy and, like, I don’t know…”
Later, she sits down with Jeremy to have an important talk about Corey and the burning in her loins that she feels every time she sees him and his camouflage hat. She tells Jeremy that she’s not sure what she wants. Jeremy’s not happy that his fiance can’t decide whether to bone him or her ex-husband.
Speaking of people who aren’t happy, Jenelle is quite displeased when her trusty pal Tori informs her that right before Jenelle made it “Facebook official” with Gary, he was dipping his man-meat into Tori. (As you do). Naturally, Jenelle’s pissed (as you are) and tells Gary that it was wrong for her to have to find out from Tori. Gary’s desperate to work things out with Jenelle, but she’s not having it and tells him to “Get out! Get out!” Barbara-style.
Later, he arrives to collect his stuff, but first tries to smooth things over with Jenelle again. Gary pleads his case, telling her that he and Jenelle weren’t together and that he only boned Tori because he wasn’t with Jenelle. He also mentions that he could have boned all of her friends if he wanted to: Tori, Allison, any girl he wanted. (Um, being a lil’ generous to yourself, there, aren’t ya, Gar?)
For some strange reason, hearing her boyfriend talking about having sex with all her friends doesn’t make Jenelle want to forgive him. In fact, it makes her want to help him collect his stuff. She starts shoveling his crap into cardboard boxes. (Um, didn’t you learn anything from your mom, Jenelle? When you’re collecting crap to throw outside, you should always use a laundry basket.)
Gary goes for the door and Jenelle shoves him away and tells him that she’s going to punch him in his face. (Amber…is that you?) She starts throwing stuff all over the house, then rips something up and then goes to sob uncontrollably in her bedroom.
Next week, things between Kail and Jo get awkward, Jeremy gets tired of Leah’s indecisiveness, Jenelle gets freaky with Kieffer, and Chelsea gets her period. (Have her story lines really come to this?)